Doug has a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to spend the day with The beets, then remembers he promised to clean his grandmother's attic, so he looks to Quailman for inspiration.
The middle school is abuzz about what's rumored to be the hardest test in the world. But when Doug sees an envelope containing information about the test, he looks to Quailman for inspiration.
Doug wants a limo to take Patti to a new movie premiere, so he lets Roger use his. Chaos ensues when Roger writes an article about the movie. How would Quailman manage the identity crisis?
Doug promises The Beets for an upcoming school dance, then they split over a banana. Doug, left with absolutely nothing, turns to performers of Absolutely Nothing Man for help.