Blackadder Back & Forth (1999)

Tony Robinson: All Baldricks

Photos 

Quotes 

• Blackadder : Baldrick, I have a very, very, very cunning plan.

  Baldrick : Is it as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on and is now working for the U.N. at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning?

  Blackadder : Yes it is.

  Baldrick : Hmm... that's cunning.

• Blackadder : Let's get home Baldrick.

  Baldrick : But we don't know where home is. We're doomed to float through time for all time! Oh woe is me!

  Blackadder : Shut up Baldrick. Shut up. There is one final thing to push that may be our salvation.

  [pushes button] 

  Blackadder : Or not. Because it is in fact, a lollipop.

  Baldrick : Raspberry flavoured my lord!

  Blackadder : Oh god. I'm going to spend the rest of my life in a small wooden room with two toilets and the stupidest man in the world.

  Baldrick : Wait my lord, do not despair. For I have a cunning plan.

  Blackadder : Can I say I'm not optimistic Baldrick?

  Baldrick : To be quite frank my lord, neither am I. My family have never been very good at plans.

  Blackadder : So. With suitably low expectations, what is your plan to get us home?

• Blackadder : What can you see, Balders?

  Baldrick : People in very short skirts my lord.

  Blackadder : Ah excellent, the 1960s! At last we're getting close. I might stay a while, actually, for a bit of hippy free love. Not that free love would make a lot difference to you, would it, Balders? I mean, what would a sheep do with money?

  Baldrick : Not girls in skirts, my lord, men!

  Blackadder : Ah, Spandau Ballet, 1983.

  Baldrick : I think not my lord.

  [looks out of the porthole to see Hadrian's Wall guarded by Roman soldiers] 

  Blackadder : Oh no, Romans! We're still centuries out!

• Baldrick : You know how when you're drowning, and your life flashes in front of your eyes? Well, what I was thinking is that you could dunk your head in a bucket of water and if you held it down till just before you died, you could see how the levers were and get us home.

  Blackadder : Excellent plan, Baldrick, with perhaps one slight modification...

  [Punches Baldrick and shoves his head in a bucket of water] 

  Baldrick : I'm 18, I've just left Nursery School. I'm 25, I'm back in Nursery School.

• [Blackadder enters the time machine, and congratulates Baldrick on his work] 

  Baldrick : I followed Mr Da Vinci's instructions to the letter.

  Blackadder : Even though you can't actually read.

  Baldrick : No, but I have done a lot of Airfix models in my time.

• Blackadder : Well Balders, this is a turn up for the books. It seems that you have built a working time machine and are therefore, rather surprisingly, the greatest genius the world has ever known.

  Baldrick : Thank you very much, my lord.

• Baldrick : ...And the date should come up. But it doesn't because I was going to write the numbers on in felt-tip pen but never got around to it.

  Blackadder : Right. So the date we're heading for is two watermelons and a bunch of cherries. In other words, we can't get home. Rather a spectacular return to form after the genius moment.

• Blackadder : [in a deleted scene]  Well done, Baldrick! I'm so pleased with, I'm going to give you a wage rise.

  Baldrick : Thank you very much, my lord.

  Blackadder : ...Well, perhaps not all year, but maybe something like a Christmas bonus... Well, perhaps not actual money, but something else like a box of chocolates... A chocolate... After I've had a nibble of it myself...

• Blackadder : [Blackadder is drowning Baldrick]  Hows it going?

  Baldrick : [having flashback]  I'm 18 years old! I've just left nursery school!

  Blackadder : Okie Dokie.

  [dunks his head back underwater] 

  Baldrick : I'm 25! I'm back at nursery school!

  Blackadder : [groans] 

  Baldrick : Got it!

  Blackadder : Very good.

  Baldrick : I wish... I wish I'd flushed the loo first.

  Blackadder : [peers into bowl]  Oh yes.

• Blackadder : Baldrick, I have a very, very, very cunning plan.

  Baldrick : Is it as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on and is now working for the U.N. at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning.

  Blackadder : Yes it is.

  Baldrick : Hmm... that's cunning.

• Blackadder : Baldrick, I have a very, very, *very* cunning plan.

  Baldrick : Is it as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University, but has moved on and is now working for the UN at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning?

  Blackadder : It is.

  Baldrick : Oh. That's cunning.