Early Doors (2003–2004)

John Henshaw: Ken

Quotes 

• Eddie : Ken, Ken er, Ken?

  Joan : Hello, Ken, notice anything different?

  Ken : Hello, Joan, Eddie. Bloody hell you two look smart, what's the occasion?

  Tanya : It's their wedding anniversary, Ken.

  Ken : Is it? Well, congratulations.

  Joan : 19 years today.

  Eddie : The great trainrobbers didn't get that eh, Ken eh?

  [laughs] 

  Ken : Has Oscar Wilde come in?

  Eddie : Ey, are you having that, Tommy? 19 years we've being together, the great trainrobbers didn't get that, eh?

  Tommy : I've heard it before Eddie, millions of times.

  Eddie : Righto, then.

  Ken : So, what's your secret then, Eddie?

  Eddie : Always be honest to each other, that's the first thing.

  Ken : Oh, aye.

  Eddie : And tell her you love her at least once a day.

  Ken : Oh, well, make your mind up Eddie, it's one or the other.

  Eddie : Ohm no, well, that's the secret

  Tanya : Oh, I think it's lovely. So are you going anywhere nice?

  Joan : Just in here. We might stop for some chips on the way home.

  Joe : Bloody hell, Posh and Becks, eat your hearts out

  Joan : [laughs]  What is he like?

  Tanya : Is that all your doing on your wedding anniversary then, Eddie, coming in here and then going for a bag of chips?

  Eddie : Well, there's nothing wrong with that.

  Tanya : It's hardly romantic, though, is it?

  Ken : Show her how much you love her Eddie, throw in a fish.

• Ken : [talking about the two coppers Phil and Nige]  You know why they're not coming, don't ya?

  Everyone : Why?

  Ken : [holding up a sausage]  Cos they won't eat their own!

• Ken : [talking about Joan and Eddie]  If they were any thicker, they'd set.

• Ken : Come on, everybody, party's over, lets be having ya. And you, Tommy, come on you better hurry up your mates'll lock the gates back at the cemetery.