Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (2004 Video Game)

David Cross: Zero

Photos 

Quotes 

• [The usual six men that are planning the heist are in the planning room in the casino. CJ is at the front giving out instructions] 

  Carl Johnson : OK, we got the bikes. And Woozie's taken care of the uniforms. Now, we just gotta get an armoured van and re-spray it with the Caligula's Casino logo.

  Woozie : Why don't we steal one while it's on its rounds? That way we can make some money too.

  Carl Johnson : No, I don't want to get the crew caught up in some street level jacking - it could get ugly.

  Zero : I... I have an idea? Um... Have you ever seen those helicopters they use to lift heavy loads?

  Su Xi Mu : Yeah, they call 'em 'sky cranes'. We could lift the whole truck and take them to someplace safe.

  Woozie : Then we need to steal a sky crane. Unfortunately I'm not a pilot.

  Zero : No, me neither.

  Su Xi Mu : Hey, don't look at me.

  Assistant : Or me.

  Carl Johnson : Shit. I'll fly it, then. We can re-spray it at the airstrip.

  Zero : Yeah, Carl. It'll be just like fighting Berkley, only bigger!

  Carl Johnson : Yeah, thanks for that.

• Zero : As long as we have opposable thumbs, we will fight you!

• Carl Johnson : Hey, what up Z!

  Zero : Nothing is up Carl, apart from my blood pressure, and the imminent collapse of my hopes and dreams.

  Carl Johnson : ...Why?

  Zero : As usual, the forces of darkness have triumphed over good. Life is nothing but misery, briefly interspersed with agony.

  Carl Johnson : Z, whatchoo on? Whatever it is, you need to reduce the dosage!

  Zero : Exuse me, but I never take drugs. We all know drugs are for losers, and/or sex maniacs, and right now, sex is the last thing on my mind.

  Carl Johnson : Thank God for that!

  Zero : Berkley is back!

  Carl Johnson : Ohhh, Berkley. Who the fuck is Berkley?

  Zero : A man I once beat in fair competition. A man litterally obsessed with revenge!

  Carl Johnson : Oh, you put hands on him?

  Zero : No! Please! I never initiate violence.

  Carl Johnson : Ohhh, I know. You knocked his bitch!

  Zero : No. I won the prize in the science fair. First prize, that is.

  Carl Johnson : And now he wanna pop you? HAHAHA, and they say gangbangers is petty and small-minded!

  [CJ hears a beeping sound] 

  Carl Johnson : Eh what's that bleepin' sound?

  Zero : It's him... we shall fight to the end!

• [CJ, Woozie, Suzie, one of Woozie's assistants, Zero and the occupant of the room are in the planning room in the casino. CJ is standing in front of the layout of Caligula's Casino] 

  Carl Johnson : All right, here's the plan. It's all about the art of deception. While I get as much heat on me as possible, y'all get away with the green.

  Zero : Question: how does the Mafia normally move cash out of Caligula's?

  Carl Johnson : Bingo! Stripes for Mr. Zero here.

  Occupant : Ha hey! Good job, you little ass kisser!

  [pats Zero on the back] 

  Zero : [moans in pain] 

  Carl Johnson : So, we're going to steal ourselves an armoured car and re-spray it so it looks like one of their regular trucks.

  Su Xi Mu : What about the police escorts? Whenever they move cash around they use police motorcycles as outriders.

  Carl Johnson : Exactly what I was thinking. C'mon, come with me, and we're gonna go get some cop wheels...

  [Cut TO CJ and Suzie outside the casino] 

  Carl Johnson : You get the Packer, hit the Julius Thruway and keep moving.

• Zero : Curse you, Berkley! Curse yoooooou!