3rd Rock from the Sun (TV Series)

Guilty as Dick (1997)

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Tommy Solomon

Quotes 

• Tommy Solomon : Sorry I'm late, Coach.

  Coach : Hey, anybody can sell fifteen boxes of chocolate in my class can be a little tardy. What's your secret, Champ?

  Tommy Solomon : Well, uh, y'know, I just kept thinkin' about sending the band to Washington.

  Coach : Yeah. They're gonna owe you some real thanks when they get back next week.

  Tommy Solomon : Whoa... they're coming back?

  Coach : Well, yeah.

  Tommy Solomon : [to his teammates]  All right, which one of you tools sold enough chocolate to buy 'em a return ticket?

• [when Tommy is selling chocolate door-to-door to benefit the school band, one of his customers is a priest] 

  Tommy Solomon : Hi, Father, I'm trying to sell these chocolate bars so the High School band can go to Washington... and learn about Christianity... and, ahh, become priests.

  [the priest shuts the door in Tommy's face] 

  Tommy Solomon : Fine, then! They'll stay here in Rutherford and worship *Satan*!