Are You Being Served? (TV Series)

No Sale (1976)

John Inman: Mr. Humphries

Quotes 

• [trying to dissuade a customer from buying a raincoat] 

  The Raincoat In The Window : No, it'll do fine. Go on and wrap it up.

  Mr. Dick Lucas : Despite the fact it's the wrong color?

  Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : And it isn't waterproof?

  The Raincoat In The Window : Yes, just wrap it up. And I must say, I'm really most impressed with your honesty. One would think you didn't want to sell me an overcoat.

  Mr. Ernest Grainger : [walking up]  And that's because you've got a fat face, piggy eyes, and a pimple on your nose!

  [the customer bursts into tears and walks off] 

  Mr. Ernest Grainger : You young salesmen just don't know how not to sell clothes.

• Captain Peacock : [after Henry's wife has bitterly torn apart a ball gown]  You'll have to pay for that, you know! You've just ruined a perfectly good dress!

  Henry : You've just ruined a perfectly good marriage!

  Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : [to Mr. Lucas]  It's just like Crossroads, isn't it?