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Are You Being Served? (TV Series)
No Sale (1976)
Frank Thornton: Captain Peacock
Photos
Quotes
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Captain Peacock : To your places, everybody. Mrs. Slocombe, uncover your bust, please.
Mrs. Slocombe : I beg your pardon, Captain Peacock!
Captain Peacock : Your counter bust, Mrs Slocombe. Were ready for business.
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Captain Stephen Peacock : At least you're here on time, Mrs Slocombe.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Time for what? We wont have any customers, y'know. And what it's doing to my domestic arrangements! Having a bath at six o'clock in the morning played havoc with my pussy!
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Captain Peacock : [after Henry's wife has bitterly torn apart a ball gown] You'll have to pay for that, you know! You've just ruined a perfectly good dress!
Henry : You've just ruined a perfectly good marriage!
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : [to Mr. Lucas] It's just like Crossroads, isn't it?
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Captain Stephen Peacock : A customer has just complained to me that you said he had a fat face, piggy eyes, and a pimple on his nose.
Mr. Ernest Grainger : [smiles sweetly] Captain Peacock... am I the sort of man who would tell a customer that he had a fat face, piggy eyes, and a pimple on his nose?
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : [trying to lure Rumboldt out of his office by pretending to be a young, sexy admirer] I'll see you in a minute, my sweet! Meet me by the lift.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : How shall I know you?
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Oh, well, I'll just go over my vital statistics again. I'm 21 with blue eyes, long blonde hair, a tiny waist, and a 40-inch bust.
Captain Stephen Peacock : Mrs. Slocombe?
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : [normal voice] Goodbye, Ethel.
[hangs up]
Captain Stephen Peacock : Mrs. Slocombe, we do not make personal phone calls on the firm's time... neither do we contravene the Trades Descriptions Act.
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Mrs. Slocombe : [the lady in a hurry is trying on hats as fast as she can. Miss Brahms passes the lady a white hat to try on] This is the last one of these - it was a very exclusive line. Oh, that DOES suit madam.
[Miss Brahms passes her a light blue hat]
Mrs. Slocombe : Oh, that DOES suit madam.
[Miss Brahms passes her a dark blue hat]
Mrs. Slocombe : Oh, that DOES suit madam.
[Miss Brahms passes her a yellow hat]
Mrs. Slocombe : Oh, that DOES suit madam.
[Miss Brahms passes her the hat box lid by mistake]
Mrs. Slocombe : Oh, that DOES suit madam.
[the lady tries on the light blue hat again]
Mrs. Slocombe : Oh, that DOES suit madam...
Captain Peacock : Mrs. Slocombe, your needle's stuck in the groove!
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Captain Peacock : Everything all right, sir?
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Oh, yes, yes, yes. I was just counting the customers.
Captain Peacock : Well, at the moment we have one there and one over there.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Well, good. I'll make a note of that. Carry on, Captain Peacock.
[Captain Peacock stays standing in the middle of the floor waiting on customers to ask him for help]
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Carry on, Captain Peacock!
Captain Peacock : I am carrying on, sir. This is what I do.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : [Incredulous] All day?
Captain Peacock : All day.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : I'll make a note of that as well!