Jerry Van Dyke: Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam

Quotes 

• Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam : Believe me, I know about being old. I've been old for... years now. Some things you can't do any more like playin' football and stayin' up past "Murder She Wrote".

• Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam : Hayden, when a man can't catch his breath after he puts on his uniform, that's not attitude, that's elderly.

  Coach Hayden Fox : He's 3 years younger than I am and look who's talkin'. I've seen you with your shirt off. You look like you're lined with water balloons.