The Comic Strip Presents (TV Series)

Five Go Mad in Dorset (1982)

Dawn French: George

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Outside shot of George and Anne's tent; Timmy the dog is poking his head inside and wagging his tail] 

  George : Oh, Timmy! You're so licky!

  Anne : You shouldn't let him do that, George, it's not hygienic.

  George : But we like it! Don't we, Timmy?

• [repeated line] 

  Julian , Dick , Anne , George : And lashings of ginger beer!

• Dick : [pointing at the black station porter pushing their luggage on a trolley]  I say, Ju! That man looks foreign!

  George : Yes, I expect his name's 'Golliwog'!

  Anne : [giggles]  Yes, or Tarzan!

  Julian : I think we'd better call the police just as soon as we get back to Kirrin Cottage.

• Dick : Thanks, Anne. You really are a proper little housewife. Not like George, she still thinks she's a boy!

  George : I think it's stupid being a girl. I wish I was a boy.

  Dick : Really, George! It's about time you gave up thinking you're as good as a boy. I mean, Anne is just a girl, but she doesn't mind, do you, Anne?

  George : Well, I absolutely do mind, actually!

  Julian : Steady on, you two, the hols have only just started.

  Anne : [putting her hand on his arm]  You seem so grown up, Julian.

• [Julian and George find a rundown hut with rusting cars, bank safes and coffins lying around outside] 

  Julian : Look, that car's got no motor tax.

  George : Maybe it belongs to an illegal immigrant.

  Julian : I shouldn't be surprised.

  George : What a strange, desolate place.

  [Julian knocks on the door. A huge, hairy man wearing a tatty string vest and sunglasses steps out] 

  Dirty Dick : [Cockney accent]  Yeah?

  Julian : Ah, good evening. Uh, we're the Famous Five and we're camping down by the lake and we need some food. We'd like some free range eggs, you own home-baked bread, some of your own cured bacon and your own honey and some tomatoes from your garden would do splendidly.

  Dirty Dick : Oh yeah? What do think this is, 'Arrods? Come on, piss off now! And don't speak to any coppers about me!

  Julian : I don't think I really like the tone of your voice.

  Fingers : [offscreen - also has a Cockney accent]  'Oo's that, then Dick? It's not the rozzers, I 'ope!

  Dirty Dick : Nah, just a couple of smarmy brats!

  Fingers : Tell 'em to scarper! There's some more dirty work to do.

  George : Wait a minute! You must be Dirty Dick.

  Dirty Dick : [nervous]  No, no, my name's not Dirty Dick. It's er, it's er... Dirty Douglas!

  Julian : Look here. There's something very queer going on. What exactly are you doing in there?

  Dirty Dick : Oh, so you've tumbled our game, have you?

  Fingers : What's that? What's that? Are we done for, Dirty?

  Dirty Dick : Sorry, Fingers. I'm afraid we're bang to rights this time.

  Fingers : Let's make a run for it, Dirty! You start the car while I grab the sparklers. We can still get away with it!

  Dirty Dick : It's no good, Fingers! These kids are far too clever for us! We'll get 15 years each for this!

  Fingers : Oh, no! Not another stretch in clink! I'm gonna take the easy way out!

  [sound of a gunshot, then a thud] 

  George : Urgh! What a horrid, common voice he's got!

  Dirty Dick : Oh well, I suppose I'd better go down to the police station and get nicked, then.

• Julian : I say, where's young Toby got to?

  Dick : Oh, he's been kidnapped.

  Julian : Typical.

  George : Serves him right for being nouveau riche!

  Anne : Yes, and Jewish!

  [they laugh] 

• George : How on earth are we going to get in? We'll never be able to climb over that high wall.

  Dick : Perhaps there's a secret way in. There always has been in our previous adventures.

  Julian : Yes, and I expect this will be no exception.

• George : How could you be so feeble, Dick!