Family Guy (TV Series)

Ready, Willing and Disabled (2001)

Patrick Warburton: Joe Swanson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : Say, what happened to the car wash thief?

  Joe Swanson : Ironically, I severed his spine when I landed on him.

  Peter Griffin : Looks like you got more competition at next year's special people's games, huh?

  Joe Swanson : Nope, he's dead.

• [a slick-looking man drives up to Joe and jumps out of his car] 

  Slick Guy : Jim Caplin: Sports Agent. You like this car?

  Joe Swanson : Yeah.

  Slick Guy : [hands over the keys]  It's yours. You like these pants?

  Joe Swanson : Yeah.

  Slick Guy : [removes pants and hands them over]  They're yours. You know what a merkin is?

  Joe Swanson : No.

  Slick Guy : [holds his underwear open]  Pubic wig. I got one, you want it?

  Joe Swanson : No!

  Slick Guy : Of course not, you're a classy guy. You want to be rich?

  Joe Swanson : Yeah.

  Slick Guy : [takes out a contract]  Sign here.

• Joe Swanson : Close the door. I don't want to see the light.