Futurama (TV Series)

A Head in the Polls (1999)

Billy West: Philip J. Fry, Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg, President Richard Nixon's Head

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bender : Ahhh, what an awful dream. Ones and zeroes everywhere... and I thought I saw a two.

  Fry : It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

• Richard Nixon's Head : That's it! You're all going to jail, and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy, Ford.

  Turanga Leela : You'll never pardon anyone because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were in your time.

  Richard Nixon's Head : Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973, but the average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become more bitter and, let's face it, crazy over the years. And when I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat, and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!

  [laughs] 

  Fry : Well, he lost my vote.

• Richard Nixon's Head : Nixon with charisma? I COULD RULE THE UNIVERSE!

• Fry : This is crazy, Bender. How are you going to live without a body?

  Bender : Pfft! Bodies are for hookers and fat people! All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

  Fry : At least now you can pay your loan shark.

  Bender : Yeah, right! What's he gonna do, break my legs?

• Fry : Professor, when did you become so obsessed with voting?

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : The very instant I became old.

• Bender : Gimme my body back, ya two-bit thief!

  Richard Nixon's Head : Now look here, you drugged out communist! I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers.

  Checkers' Head : Arf!

  Richard Nixon's Head : Shut up, dammit!

• Nixon's Campaign Manager : I give you the next president of Earth!

  [Richard Nixon's head on a giant robot body breaks through the wall, steps on the campaign manager] 

  Richard Nixon's Head : Nixon's back!

• Fry : You look different. Did you get a haircut?

  Bender : No! I sold my body.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Sold your body? Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

• Fry : Why would Nixon stay at Watergate?

  Turanga Leela : They give you discounts if you've stayed here before.

• Dr. Zoidberg : You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe.

  Amy Wong : Pfft! Only weirdos and mutants join third parties.

  Dr. Zoidberg : Really? I'd better keep an eye out at the next meeting.

• Fry : If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown.

  Turanga Leela : You're not registered?

  Fry : Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

  Turanga Leela : That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote.

  Bender : Ah, yes. John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters by pledging not to go on a killing spree.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

• [Fry is at the Voter Apathy Party booth] 

  Fry : Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up!

  Voter Apathy Party Man : Sorry, not with that attitude.

  Fry : Okay then, screw it.

  Voter Apathy Party Man : Welcome aboard, brother!

  Fry : All right!

  Voter Apathy Party Man : You're out.

• Scoop Chang : Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle. Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice.

  Richard Nixon's Head : That's right, no *body*.

  [Reveals that he has on Bender's body] 

  Richard Nixon's Head : But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

  [Starts dancing] 

  Turanga Leela : Bender, he has your body!

  Bender : That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon?

• Morbo : Morbo will now introduce the candidates - Puny Human Number One, Puny Human Number Two, and Morbo's good friend Richard Nixon.

  Richard Nixon's Head : How's the family, Morbo?

  Morbo : Belligerent and numerous.

• Claudia Schiffer : Hi, I'm Claudia Schiffer's head.

  Fry : I recognize you. Didn't you used to have a body of some sort?

  Claudia Schiffer : Yeah, but it was holding me back. You know, I just did the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimcap issue.

  Fry : Grrr! Well, you're looking great.

  Claudia Schiffer : Thanks. I wouldn't mind losing a few pounds, though.

  Fry : Couldn't hurt.

• Fry : What party do you belong to, Bender?

  Bender : I'm not allowed to vote.

  Fry : 'Cause you're a robot?

  Bender : No, convicted felon.

• Professor Hubert Farnsworth : The problem with both parties is that they want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate.

  Fry : The less fortunate get all the breaks!

• Richard Nixon's Head : I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body. God, how I loved it.

  Fry : I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course it was tough love, but...

  Turanga Leela : [Elbows Fry]  Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong.

• Bender : It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five cent deposit.

  Fry : No way! I'm not letting my best friend get recycled! Not for five cents, not for five hundred cents! Leela, I've got a plan!

  Leela : I've got a better plan.

• Richard Nixon's Head : Now beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses!

• Richard Nixon's Head : [to Leela]  Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it, crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

  [laughing maniacally] 

  Fry : Well, he lost my vote.

  Richard Nixon's Head : Like one vote ever made a difference.