Futurama (TV Series)
Crimes of the Hot (2002)
Billy West: Philip J. Fry, Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg, Documentary Presenter, Richard Nixon's Head, Dark Wizard, C-3PO, Robot Crowd, Keg Robot
Photos
Quotes
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Documentary Narrator : Fortunately, our handsomest politicians came up with a cheap, last minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean now and again.
Suzie : Just like daddy puts in his drink every morning. Then he gets mad.
Documentary Narrator : Of course, because the greenhouse gasses are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all.
Suzie : But...
Documentary Narrator : Once and for all!
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Mom : What was that?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : A flaming burp.
Mom : Does it always do that?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : It's not always a burp.
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Professor Hubert Farnsworth : A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the Jedis are going to feel this one.
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Dr. Zoidberg : Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party, one of the most social events imaginable? Is a trap, is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots!
[pause]
Dr. Zoidberg : I don't hear any gasping.
Leela : We all figured that out.
Dr. Zoidberg : Aw.
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Al Gore : That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they?
Dark Wizard : Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Kerash!
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Leela : Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?
Bender : Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here.
Hermes Conrad : What could you possibly have in common with that walking soup mix?
Bender : For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell but live a rich inner life. And also... well, you know.
Leela : You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers?
Bender : No, it's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back.
Fry : What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times.
Bender : Those times I was slightly on my side.
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Civil Defense Van : Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to present the host of the Kyoto global warming conference. The inventor of the environment, and first emperor of the moon, Al Gore!
Al Gore : I have ridden the mighty moon worm!
[Crowd cheers]
Fry : Good for him.
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President Richard Nixon's Head : For saving Earth and foiling me, I proudly yet angrily present you with our new highest honor: the Polluting Medal of Pollution.
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Al Gore : My fellow Earthicans. As I discuss in my book, Earth in the Balance, and the more popular, Harry Potter and the Balance of the Earth, we need to protect ourselves against pollution, as well as dark wizards.
Dark Wizard : Oh sure, blame the wizards.
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Fry : Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide!
Al Gore : Our next speaker is professor...
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : I demand the floor!
Al Gore : Yes, it is your turn to speak.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!
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Professor Hubert Farnsworth : I know the source of the greenhouse gasses, but in my shame I kept it secret for 75 long years. Oh, it haunts my memories still!
[aims a gun at his head]
Fry : Professor, no! Don't do it!
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?
[fires memory ray]
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : It was October 17th at 1:54 PM, and fourteen birds were flying by the window...
