Actress Nita Talbot returns as Marya in this episode which copies the basic premise of Season 3's "The Collector General" where Hogan and Co. try to steal an art collection from a German officer who has stolen it from France.
Here it is all orchestrated by Marya who once again puts Hogan and friends in great risk, all while somehow ordering Germans around by pretending to be involved with a German officer. Before they were fictional German officers. This time it is Hitler's real life # 2 man, Hermann Goering.
Before we see Marya, Hogan is telling his men with a dangerously drawn map on the door of a truck in the compound, showing how a train full of art works is being routed to the tracks near the camp and he wants them to steal the art. Before he finishes, they learn from Sgt. Schultz that he has been chosen for a special assignment by none other than Reichmarschall Hermann Goering.
When Schultz goes to report to the hotel where he expects to meet Goering, he finds the familiar face of the woman usually called "The Russian woman" aka Marya. She tells him Goering is sleeping in the other room and she tells him his assignment, pretending to be the girlfriend of the married Goering. He is to become a double for Goering when he visits Stalag 13. He is just to ride into camp in the car and go to the VIP quarters, talking to no one.
Hogan, believing Goering is actually there, takes two of his men and enters the quarters through their tunnel only to find Marya, who tells Hogan that Goering is sleeping in the next room-it is Schultz snoring away they hear.
We are told an entire train of art is being routed close to the camp and that Klink will be ordered to take the art off the train and store it for Goring. Klink is essentially given these orders in his own office by Marya, who again is able to control everyone by pretending to be Goering's girlfriend, without Goering ever appearing before anyone.
Hogan is able to sneak into the warehouse where Klink has had the train unloaded, take the art into their vast tunnels, cut out the pictures and otherwise steal the art, replacing empty crates and such. Then a plane from England is able to land near the camp, and all the art work is loaded into it. Hogan is even able to do as Marya insists, get the English to deliver the art to Russia-somewhere in Russia. Even this part of the plot is not-to-be-believed. And he does all this under the watchful eye of Major Hochstetter.
In short, every step of this entire plot is totally unbelievable. I have no trouble with a key element not being logical but this whole thing makes no sense. To start with, early on, we hear Klink complain about Schultz deserting. How can we believe Schultz did not get his special assignment through his commander, OR that he did not at least tell the Colonel about his special assignment so he would not get in trouble with Klink?
How can Klink have storage space for a train load of art? Even though that is vague, it would have to involve several boxcars full of items. Why would Klink have all that storage space available? Even if he did, how could a few men unload it into his space in just a few hours as depicted? Box cars are rather good size and a lot of crates would take some time. Then Hogan and Co. can take all those packages into their tunnels, take out the important things and return the empty crates in a very short time? No way.
I don't see how a plane large enough to carry away "an entire train full of art" could land so close to the camp and not be immediately surrounded by Hochstetter and his Gestapo.
A key scene was in the VIP quarters, where Klink and Hochstetter get to see Schultz as Goering. Schultz was wearing a fancy uniform, and had shaving cream on his face as he barked out orders to Klink and Hochstetter. Now Goering was indeed overweight, but otherwise he bore no resemblance to Schultz. His hair was dark brown right up until his death. He did appear in public and his looks were known to Germans. So the white-haired Schultz would seem to have had no real chance to fool Klink, let alone Hochstetter. He didn't even attempt to disguise his voice.
At one point, Marya reveals she never even met Goering. Yet she is able to enter a POW camp, order Germans around and arrange for this train to carry Goering's stolen art to a place near Stalag 13 simply by telling the various Germans that she is with Goering, even though they never see him, nor do they receive written orders from him? This is just ludicrous.
One scene I really disliked was when Marya came into Klink's office while he was talking to Hogan. For no reason, she starts complaining to Klink about him not having time for her but time to chat with prisoners. Klink tells Hogan to leave. Hogan says something, then Marya says she has important news for Klink. Klink is ready to hear it, and she squawks, "Am I supposed to reveal military secrets in front of this prisoner?" Klink orders Hogan to leave. Marya immediately reverses herself and says, "He can stay." So why did she act like she was angry that he was there just 3 seconds earlier?
I guess these crazy scenes were supposed to be funny, but I thought they were just stupid. There was one good Hochstetter scene and most of the rest was either dumb comedy or stupid drama. If the basic premise wasn't a direct copy from an episode from two seasons earlier, I would give this a 3, but because it even felt like a rerun, I cannot justify a score higher than 2 out of 10. Definitely one to skip when going through the DVDs.
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