Home Improvement (TV Series)

The Colonel (1994)

Tim Allen: Tim Taylor

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Colonel : '61 was a vintage year. You should have bought one of those Lincolns when they first came out.

  Tim : I would've sir, but I was six.

  The Colonel : That's no excuse.

• Tim : Let's see, he went to bed at 2300 hours. He wanted nine hours of sleep, that would be 3200. Minus twelve, you add that up, uh... 20 O'clock.

• The Colonel : [aggravated]  All right, you didn't like the book. I'm gonna get the boys. We'll be back at 1300 hours.

  Tim : What time is that?

  The Colonel : It's 1:00. Why is that so difficult for you to understand? Every private in the army gets it by the end of the first day.

  Jill : Daddy, I'm sorry I upset you, but...

  The Colonel : I'm not upset. IF I WERE UPSET, I'D BE YELLING.

• Tim : You gave them shrapnel? What did you give me?

  The Colonel : I gave you my daughter.

  Tim : Yeah you're right, Sir. But I'm kind of tired of playing with that gift.

• The Colonel : '61 was a vintage year. You should have bought one of those Lincolns when they first came out.

  Tim : I would have, Sir, but I was 6.

• Tim : Dinner is at 2300 hours.

  The Colonel : That's 11 PM.

  Tim : Um, we eat late.

• The Colonel : So, did you read my book?

  Tim : Yes, we did.

  The Colonel : What did you think of it?

  Tim : There's a lot of good stuff in there. It's a tad bit wordy. But in a good way.

  The Colonel : A writer is supposed to use words. What did you want, pictures?

  Tim : Could've helped a little. You know what was so odd, you had a book and it didn't have any people in it.

  The Colonel : This is a book about policy and objectives and how to win a war. You don't want to clutter that up with a lot of people.

  Tim : Good point. Writing a book about war, you don't want to talk about people.

• [Tim's hockey puck machine misfires a puck onto The Colonel's car] 

  The Colonel : My car.

  Tim : It was Jill.