M*A*S*H (TV Series)
The Abduction of Margaret Houlihan (1976)
Harry Morgan: Col. Sherman T. Potter
Photos
Quotes
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[Radar has just finished demonstrating with his teddy bear to some Korean women how to give birth]
Col. Potter : Congratulations, Mrs. O'Reilly, it's a bear.
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Col. Sherman T. Potter : [after Frank shot BJ in the leg] Burns, what's the meaning of this?
Maj. Frank Burns : I was cleaning my gun and it discharged prematurely. Sir, I think the Chinese have captured Maj. Houlihan.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : I see. So naturally, you shot Capt. Hunnicut.
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Col. Sherman T. Potter : Pardon me for asking, colonel, but why are you dressed like an Italian usher?
Colonel Flagg : Can you keep a secret?
Col. Sherman T. Potter : I think so.
Colonel Flagg : I'm disguised as Ling Chow, a Chinese double agent.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Funny, you don't look Chinese.
Colonel Flagg : Neither would Ling Chow if he were dressed like this. Follow me?
Col. Sherman T. Potter : As far as I'd like to.
Colonel Flagg : Well, I'm off.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : I couldn't have said it better myself.
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Col. Sherman T. Potter : Now, what's the story on Houlihan?
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Nobody has seen her.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Strange.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : I've checked with everyone from Nurse Able to Sergeant Zale.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : A to Z, very methodical.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Well, I try to use the alphabet whenever I can, Sir.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Think, Radar. You must've missed someplace.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : No, no, no. I looked everywhere... except the nurse's showers.
[Potter looks up at Radar]
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Oh, NO sir! I couldn't look in there. There might be naked female personnel showering in there with their clothes off!
Col. Sherman T. Potter : What's the big deal?
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Nuditity makes me breathe funny.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Affects me the same way. Do it!
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Uh, sir? Couldn't we find someone else? Like maybe Captain Pierce?
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Nope. We'd never get him out of there.
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Colonel Flagg : Don't try to be funny with me, Colonel. I've trained myself not to laugh or smile.
Col. Potter : Really?
Colonel Flagg : I watched a hundred hours of the Three Stooges. Every time I felt like smiling, I jabbed myself in the stomach with a cattle prod.
Col. Potter : That oughta do it.
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Col. Sherman T. Potter : [after Frank shot B.J] You've got to give him an A for resourcefulness. How many doctors do you know provide their own patients?
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Col. Sherman T. Potter : What is it, Burns?
Maj. Frank Burns : Well, Colonel, I'm still worried about Margaret.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : We're all worried, Major.
Maj. Frank Burns : But I'm more worried than anybody else.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : [gently] It's not a contest.
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Col. Potter : How bad is it?
Hawkeye : Superficial. Fortunately, Frank's as good a marksman as he is a surgeon.