Married... with Children (TV Series)

Guess Who's Coming to Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner (1995)

Katey Sagal: Peggy Bundy

Quotes 

• Peggy : My parents had a terrible fight and now Mom left and Dad can't find her.

  Al : Did he look behind the Rockies?

• Al : You know Peg, I hate it when your mother weebles down here for her little midnight snacks which last until... nine in the morning.

  Peggy : Mom does not eat between meals.

  Al : Oh no, Peg, because in order for her to eat between meals, the first meal has to end.

• Peggy : Al, don't you know how traumatic this is for me? I now come from a broken home.

  Al : [indicating the bent-out stair railing]  As do I.

  Peggy : Oh, give Mom a break. She's distraught.

  Al : She is humongous!

  Peg's Mom : [voice-over]  I'm just retaining water.

  Al : [quitely]  The Hoover Dam is retaining water. She's retaining Skittles!

  Peg's Mom : [voice]  Did someone say "Skittles"? Now I'm hungry again.

• Marcy : I do remember my first apartment. My roommate and I were both single, both bursting with ripe, flowering womanhood. The sexual revolution was in full swing and we were a-happening.

  Peggy : Wow. I'll bet you were having sex all the time.

  Marcy : No, that cheap slut of a roommate stole all my boyfriends. I've never forgiven Mom for that.

• Peggy : I've always wanted some place where I could stretch out and do nothing.

  Al : Well get in the car, I'll take you to the morgue.

• Jefferson : Come on, Al, you should be proud that your son is moving out and becoming a man.

  Al : My son is burrowing down and becoming a mole. Besides, as bad as this is, you just know that something worse is gonna happen. Don't you know all horrible things happen in threes: celebrity deaths, Pauly Shore movies, Wilson Phillips. In my own case: marrying Peg, Bud not moving out and, 3... 2... 1...

  Peggy : Al, something horrible has happened.

  Al : The hell you say.

• Al : Somehow or another, someone, I'm not saying who, said something about Good Ship Hooter-Pop, and before you know it, there was a 70-year-old hillbilly popping wheelies on a thresher and saying how he'd never marry a family member again.

  Peggy : This is all your fault. You have ruined a perfectly happy marriage.

  Al : Yet I remain in a perfectly dreadful one.

• Peggy : Al, you failed me. You failed to bring Dad back here so he could take her back. You know what this means?

  Al : [whimpering]  Oh no, not sex Peg! Please, I just need a little more time until I find him.

  Peggy : No, not that. I want you to help me give Mom a sitz bath.

  [Al's eyes widen with horror] 

  Al : Can't we just have sex instead?

• Peggy : If you men only knew what we do to keep a marriage alive. Watching Oprah all day so that we have something interesting to talk to you about. Dressing like this

  [gestures at herself] 

  Peggy : to keep you excited. Taking beauty naps to reverse the aging process. And spending all your money so you feel like a good provider. That is how I sacrifice for you, Al Bundy. It is a thankless, exhausting job but I do it. And the only thing I ask in return is that you bring Dad back here. And you fail. You know what this means.

  [She grabs him by the arm and leads him upstairs] 

  Al : [panicked]  Oh no Peg, Peg no sex now, Peg. Please, I just need a little more time. I'll find him.

  Peggy : I want you to help me give Mom a sits-bath.

  [Al's eyes widen in horror] 

  Al : Can't we have sex instead?