Davy: Hey, it's Mr. Baker, back from his backer.
Weatherwax: Have you got a baker, Backer? Have you got a backer, Baker?
Peter: Baker Backer?
Weatherwax: Well, I'm very sorry, but he'll have to evacuate this room.
Micky: [posing as a doctor] What? Are you mad? I can't move the plague!
Weatherwax: The plague! Is is contagious?
Micky: Have you ever seen a plague that wasn't?
Weatherwax: Sam the doctor, what I wanna know is: Is he really sick or is it merely sham?
Micky: [still posing as a doctor] Of course he's sick! He had sham when he was twelve years old.
Weatherwax: What I want to know is, is he really sick, or is it merely sham?
Micky: Of course he's sick! He had sham when he was 12 years old.
Davy: My family dates back almost 400 years, to the earliest rich people. This is H. L. Nesmith, he owns a small spread in southern Texas. Eh, what's the name of the ranch again, Mr. Nesmith?
Mike: Uh, Houston.
Interviewer: You've reached a certain amount of success, if that was suddenly like taken away, wiped out, where would you be today?
Peter: I'd go back to the Village and be a folk singer.
Interviewer: How 'bout you, Davy?
Davy: I'd go back to the Village and watch him be a folk singer.
Mike: I'd probably go burn the Village.
Mike: You are not! I'm uglier than you!
Davy: No, I'm the ugliest!
Mike: I'm the ugliest! It's me, it's me, it's me!
Micky: Alright, I lose!
Weatherwax: Have we starved them out yet?
Buntz, the Compton: How hungry can they get in half an hour?
Baker: I guess I shouldn't have come to New York city.
Mike: Oh, for garden seed, McKinley! There's gotta be more than one person in New York who's willing to produce a show that's written by an unknown and directed by an unknown and starring the Monkees.
[rapidly losing faith in what he's saying]
Butler: Yes sir?
Davy: Hello, my name is David Armstrong Jones. My family dates back nearly four hundred years, to the earliest rich people.
Butler: But this club is for special manners.
Davy: This is H.L. Nesmith, he owns small spread in Southern Texas. Eh, what's the name of the ranch again, Mr. Nesmith?
Mike: Eh, Houston.
Davy: This the Sheik Farouk Dolenza.
Mike: I would like to build a new wing to your building.
Butler: Oh, I'm sorry, but we cannot except a gift.
Micky: This is not a gift, it's charity.
Davy: Eh, this is Pete, Peter DeWit, a rich man's son. Tell him what your father does.
Peter: He's in garbage disposal.
Interviewer: You've reached a certain amount of success. If that were something, like taken away, wiped out, where would you be today?
Peter: I'd go back to the village and be a folk singer.
Interviewer: How about you, Davy?
Davy: I'd go back to the village and watch him be a folk singer.
Mike: I'd probably go burn the village.
Micky: I'd probably be dating my science teacher.
Interviewer: Hey Peter, is there something that you really want, uh, something that you'd really flip out over?
Davy: Ursula Andress!