Monty Python's Flying Circus (TV Series)

Mr. and Mrs. Brian Norris' Ford Popular (1972)

Terry Gilliam: Balderston, Second Officer, First Guard, Various

Photos 

Quotes 

• Headmaster : Right, it's come to my notice that certain boys have been running a unit-trust linked assurance scheme with fringe benefits and full cash-in endowment facilities. Apparently a number of small investors were attracted by the wide-ranging portfolio and that in the first week the limited offer was oversubscribed eight times.

  Stebbins : It was Tidwell's idea, sir.

  Headmaster : Shut up, Stebbins, I haven't finished! Oh, and congratulations on winning the Italian Grand Prix at Monza.

  Stebbins : Thank you, sir.

  Headmaster : Shut up. Now then, this sort of extra-curricular capitalist expansion has got to stop! I made it quite clear when Potter tried to go public last term, that these massive stock-exchange deals, must not happen in big school. Is that clear, Balderston?

  Balderston : Yes, sir.

  Headmaster : Oh and Balderston, next time you do a Panorama report on the black ghettos you must get an exeat form from Mr. Dibley.

  Balderston : Sorry, sir.

  Headmaster : Shut up. And stop slouching. Now, the reason I called you in here is because my wife is having some trouble with her... her waterworks. Now which one of you is the surgeon? Come on, I know one of you is, which one is it?

  [Tidwell raises his hand] 

  Headmaster : Ah Tidwell, good, well I want you to come along and have a look at the wife.

  Tidwell : Oh sir, why don't you ask Stebbins? He's a gynecologist.

  Stebbins : Oh you rotten stinker, Tidwell!

  Headmaster : Is this true, Stebbins? Are you a gynecologist?

  Stebbins : Yes, sir.

  Headmaster : Right, just the man, how much do you charge?

  Stebbins : Thirty guineas, sir.

  Headmaster : Excellent! Right. I want you to go along, see the wife. Give her a full examination. Let me know the results by the end of break. And don't pick your nose!