Monty Python's Flying Circus (TV Series)

Spam (1970)

John Cleese: The Announcer, Hungarian Citizen, Defence, Second Ypres Voice Over, Auctioneer, Armless Padre

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hungarian Immigrant : [reading from book]  I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

  Tobacconist : No no no, this is a Tobacconist's.

  Hungarian Immigrant , Tobacconist : Ah!

  Hungarian Immigrant : I will not buy this Tobacconist's, it is scratched.

  Tobacconist : No no no no. Tobacco, um... cigarettes.

  [Holds up pack of cigarettes] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : Ah, cig- cigarettes.

  [looks in book] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : My hovercraft is full of eels.

  Tobacconist : What?

  Hungarian Immigrant : My hovercraft

  [mimes holding a cigarette] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : is full of eels

  [mimes stricking a match] 

  Tobacconist : Oh, matches, matches...

  Hungarian Immigrant : Yah!

  [looks in book] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : Do you want... Do you want to come back to my place. Bouncy bouncy!

  Tobacconist : I don't think you're using that right.

  Hungarian Immigrant : You great poof!

  Tobacconist : Uh... That'll be six and six, please.

  Hungarian Immigrant : If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I... I am no longer infected.

  Tobacconist : May I see that?

  [takes book from Hungarian, looks through it] 

  Tobacconist : Yander levasa gadenui stravenka.

  [Hungarian punches him] 

  Police Officer : [comes running in]  What's goin' on 'ere, then?

  Hungarian Immigrant : Ah!

  [looks in book] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : You have beautiful thighs.

  Police Officer : [looks at his thighs, then up again]  What?

  Tobacconist : [pointing at Hungarian]  He hit me!

  Hungarian Immigrant : Drop your panties, Sir William.

  [points at Tobacconist] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : I cannot wait 'til lunchtime.

  Police Officer : Right!

  [arrests Hungarian] 

  Hungarian Immigrant : My nipples explode with delight!

• [intro to "Ypres 1914 - Abandoned"] 

  Voiceover 1 : [and caption]  In 1914 the Balance of Power lay in ruins. Europe was plunged into bloody conflict. Nation fought Nation. But no Nation fought Nation morely than the English. Hip hip hooray! Nice nice! Yah boo. Phillips is a German and he have my pen.

  Voiceover 2 : [and caption]  Start again.

  Voiceover 1 : [and caption]  In 1914 the Balance of Power lay in ruins...