Police Squad! (TV Series)

Revenge and Remorse (The Guilty Alibi) (1982)

Leslie Nielsen: Det. Frank Drebin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mimi : Is this some kind of bust?

  Det. Frank Drebin : Yes, it's very impressive, but we'd just like to ask a few questions.

• Ed Hocken : Did you by any chance have any occasion to know where Eddie was last night?

  Mimi : Last night, why yes, he was with me. We went... to the movies.

  Det. Frank Drebin : [disbelieving]  Oh yeah.

  Mimi : Yeah., On the Waterfront.

  Ed Hocken : Come on, there are no movie theaters on the waterfront.

• Det. Frank Drebin : All right, Eddie. Let's go over it again. Where were you last night?

  Eddie Casales : I told you a dozen times, I was at the movies.

  Norberg : [Norberg comes in carrying a box of sandwiches]  I've got the sandwiches here.

  Ed Hocken : All right, Eddie, you went to the movies. Now what did you see?

  Eddie Casales : I told you, I don't remember!

  Norberg : [sniffs a paper bag]  Who had the egg salad?

  Ed Hocken : [sarcastic]  'I don't remember'

  Norberg : Hey, somebody ordered it.

  Det. Frank Drebin : You can't expect us to buy that.

  Norberg : But I already paid for it.

  Eddie Casales : Why don't you give a guy a break?

  Norberg : Thanks a lot.

  Eddie Casales : What's the charge, huh?

  Norberg : Eh, 4.58.

  Ed Hocken : What're you trying to do, insult us?

  Norberg : Okay, 3.50. Coffee's on me.

  Eddie Casales : I told ya, I went to the movies, I fell asleep, I don't remember!

  Det. Frank Drebin : You don't expect us to swallow that!

  Norberg : All right, I'll eat it! But I don't think it's fair that I should have to pay for it.

  [walks off with sandwiches] 

• Det. Frank Drebin : Do you know where Eddie is right now?

  Lana : [close to tears]  You might try the Club Flamingo. He hangs out there with some chorus, girl. A floozy named Mimi Du Jour.

  Ed Hocken : [taking notes]  Du Jour? Is she French?

  Lana : That's just her stage name. Her real name is Mimi Coffee.

  Ed Hocken : Coffee?

  Lana : No, thank you.

• Det. Frank Drebin : [narrating]  When I got home I received a call from Mimi Du Jour. She said she wanted to see me at the club right away. Since I had no idea where the Club Rightaway was, I suggested the Club Flamingo. She agreed.

• Ed : All right, Eddie, let's say you did go to the movies.

  Eddie Casales : Okay.

  Ed , Eddie Casales , Det. Frank Drebin : [looking at the camera]  You did go to the movies!

  Det. Frank Drebin : Then let's say you were nowhere near the Club Flamingo!

  Eddie Casales : All right.

  Ed , Eddie Casales , Det. Frank Drebin : [looking at the camera again]  You were nowhere near the Club Flamingo!

• Det. Frank Drebin : Just in time, Eddie.

  Eddie Casales : Piece of cake, Lieutenant.

  Det. Frank Drebin : No thanks, I just ate.

• Ed Hocken : Here I've made out a list for you.

  Det. Frank Drebin : [sits down to read list]  Monroe, Lynch, Barker, Fanning, Smith, Brookhouse, Casales.

  [ring chimes] 

  Det. Frank Drebin : Wait a minute, that name rings a bell.

  Ed Hocken : Eddie Casales?

  [another kind of ring, more of a clang this time] 

  Ed Hocken : Casales...

  [fire alarm rings] 

  Ed Hocken : Casales...

  [boxing match bell] 

  Ed Hocken : Casales...

  [Big Ben dong] 

• Det. Frank Drebin : [pulls out a pack of cigarettes]  Cigarette?

  Mimi : Yes, I know.

  Det. Frank Drebin : [puts the pack away]  Well...

• Det. Frank Drebin : Well, it looks like Lana'll be doing her bombing up in the Stateville Prison from now on, up there along with Sally Decker and Martin and Gunderson.

• Ed Hocken : Now you said Eddie lied about his alibi?

  Det. Frank Drebin : Yeah, he wasn't at the movie. He was over in Milwaukee watching a baseball game. Afraid to tell anyone because crossing over the state line is a violation of parole.

  Ed Hocken : Parole violation, huh? Well, what are we gonna do about that?

  Det. Frank Drebin : Ah, forget it. There are some things you can't deprive a man of.

  Ed Hocken : Well, I'll drink to that, Frank.

  [they clink and freeze frame on the spot] 

• Det. Frank Drebin : What were you doing on the waterfront last night, Eddie?

  Eddie Casales : I wasn't on the waterfront. I was at the movies.

  Ed Hocken : That's not what she says.

• Nordberg : [at the scene of a car bombing]  I can't believe anyone would do something so cruel.

  Det. Frank Drebin : Senseless brutality, senseless waste.

  Ed Hocken : Cut down in the prime of life.

  Nordberg : That car was a classic, a '68! You suppose the widow would take $1,500 for it?

• [a prisoner has gotten loose and is holding the cops at gunpoint] 

  Prisoner : I got the gun now! And I'm gonna kill all of you... one by one.

  [Frank, oblivious, walks through a door, hitting the prisoner and knocking the gun from his hand; all the cops rush the prisoner and arrest him] 

  Ed Hocken : Good job, Frank!

  Det. Frank Drebin : What?

• Det. Frank Drebin : [knocks a lab tech over a table]  Well, accidents will happen.

  [crazed laughter]