Roseanne (TV Series)

Good Girls, Bad Girls (1992)

John Goodman: Dan Conner

Quotes 

• Ty Tilden : Ah, man, daughters. They ought to come with a handbook.

  Dan : Yeah, so you can smack 'em with it.

• Dan : [Dan is upset because Darlene is late coming home from a rock concert]  I'm going back outside. I want to stand in the middle of the street where the first thing she'll see when she pulls up is my head exploding.

• Darlene : [to Roseanne and Dan]  Don't even bother yelling at me because no matter how mad you are, you're nowhere near as mad as I am.

  Roseanne : Well, don't bet on it! Where in the hell have you been?

  Darlene : Trying to get home. That skank woman Molly left me stranded in the parking lot, so she could jump in a van with some guys after the concert. I finally had to wave down a cab.

  Dan : I don't care what your story is. The rule is you call.

  Darlene : It was a bad neighborhood. When I finally found a phone booth, I got tired of waiting for the guy in it to finish peeing.

• Roseanne : [to Darlene]  What were you doing talking to some guys in a van?

  Darlene : It wasn't me, it was her. I told you that.

  Roseanne : Right. She deserted you.

  Darlene : What, you don't believe that Molly would desert me? Why, because she's so sweet and cute and says "please" and "thank you, ma'am"?

  Roseanne : No, because she doesn't have a history of lying to me like you do.

  Dan : [after getting off the phone]  That was Charlotte. She just heard from Molly. Darlene, you'll be relieved to know that right now, you're in Molly's car driving back with her and you'll be home safe in about an hour.

  Darlene : I'll accept your apology over eggs and french toast in the morning.

  [Roseanne glares at her] 

  Darlene : Or, you know, you could just ground me and that'd be okay too.