Roseanne (TV Series)

Second Time Around (1991)

Laurie Metcalf: Jackie Harris

Quotes 

• Crystal Anderson-Conner : [talking about determining the sex Crystal's unborn baby]  This is stupid.

  Roseanne : Yeah, your right, let's do it the scientific way. Let me look at your butt.

  Jackie : What are you talking about?

  Roseanne : It's a scientific fact, Jackie, if it's a flat pancake butt it's a girl, and if it's a big ol' bubble butt it's a boy.

• Jackie : [to Darlene]  We're just trying to figure out the sex of Crystal's baby.

  Darlene : Who cares? It's just going to be another screaming, whining, bratty little life-sucking poop machine.

  Roseanne : [to Crystal]  You still want her to babysit?

• Jackie : Okay Crystal, what are we going to name this baby?

  Crystal Anderson-Conner : Well, we have a tradition in our family. My grandmother was Ruby, and my mother was Amber, and I'm Crystal. So, I was thinking that, this must stop.

• Jackie : You know, when I have a baby, I want to deliver it in a pool of warm water. I think that's the gentlest way to bring a baby it the world.

  Roseanne : Yeah, and I imagine it keeps the swimmers out of the shallow end.

• Dan : [to Jackie]  I'm on my way to work. Do you want me to give you a lift?

  Jackie : No, I'm gonna get some breakfast first.

  Dan : It is the most important mooch of the day.