Roseanne (TV Series)
The Dark Ages (1992)
Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner
Quotes
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Dan : [the electricity has been shut off, and the Connors are trying to entertain themselves by telling stories] But I bet your Mom could make up a good one, couldn't you, honey?
Roseanne : Oh, okay, let's see. Um, ah! I got one, okay. Well, once upon a time there was these four princesses, and they lived in this great big house all together and they never left, okay? And uh, they just sat around all the time talking and talking, and yammering and yammering. And they killed every single man who ever came over there, except for one who they kept as a pet. And then one time these two princesses left, and then these other two came on and they really stunk, and...
Darlene : Mom, that's "Designing Women".
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Roseanne : [the power goes out] Well, middle class was fun.
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Jackie Harris : [Roseanne called the power company but they won't turn the power on] Did you tell them you have children?
Roseanne : Yeah, they don't want 'em.
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Roseanne : [to Darlene] Monday, we'll go to the gynecologist and get you some birth control.
Darlene : Why?
Roseanne : Well, because I just don't think I'm responsible enough to be a grandmother yet.
Darlene : Nothing happened last night, I told you that.
Roseanne : Oh, Darlene, he spent the whole night in your room. I'm not stupid.
Darlene : Yeah, well, neither am I. First of all, I don't want to have sex yet. And second, you think I'd do it with you 20 feet away?
Roseanne : Why not? You can do it real quiet without us knowing about it.
Darlene : Really? You can't!
Roseanne : [after a long pause] You mean you can hear us?
Darlene : Last night, I had to tell David you were moving furniture.
