Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Burning (1998)

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: Elaine Benes

Photos 

Quotes 

• Elaine : Here's one. I borrowed Puddy's car and all the presets on his radio were Christian rock stations.

  George Costanza : I like Christian rock. It's very positive. It's not like those real musicians who think they're so cool and hip.

  Elaine : So you think that Puddy actually believes in something?

  Jerry : It's a used car, he probably never changed the presets.

  Elaine : Yes, he is lazy.

  Jerry : Plus, he probably doesn't know how to program the buttons.

  Elaine : Yes, he is dumb.

  Jerry : So you prefer dumb and lazy to religious?

  Elaine : Dumb and lazy, I understand.

• Elaine : Do you believe in God?

  David Puddy : Yes.

  Elaine : Oh! So you're pretty religious?

  David Puddy : I try.

  Elaine : So is it a problem that I'm not really religious?

  David Puddy : Not for me.

  Elaine : Why not?

  David Puddy : I'm not the one going to hell.

• Cosmo Kramer : Well, I've got gonorrhea.

  Elaine : That sounds about right.

• Elaine : Well, I'm going to hell.

  Jerry : That sounds about right. Hey, did you hear the one about the guy in hell with the coffee and the donuts?

  Elaine : Jerry, I'm not in the mood.

  George Costanza : [to the waitress]  I'll have some coffee and a donut.

• Father Curtis : Let me see if I understand this. You're concerned that he isn't concerned that you're going to hell, and you feel that she's too bossy.

  David Puddy : Yes.

  Elaine : Yeah, that's right.

  Father Curtis : Well, oftentimes in cases of interfaith marriages, couples have difficulty...

  Elaine : Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No one's getting married here.

  Father Curtis : You aren't?

  David Puddy : Naw.

  Father Curtis : Oh

  Elaine : We're just, you know, havin' a good time.

  Father Curtis : Oh. Well then it's simple. You're both going to hell.

  David Puddy : No way. This is BOGUS.

• David Puddy : Elaine, they forgot to deliver your paper today. Why don't you just take that one.

  Elaine : But that belongs to Mr potato guy. That's his.

  David Puddy : Come on, get it.

  Elaine : Well if you want it, you get it.

  David Puddy : Sorry. Thou shalt not steal.

  Elaine : Oh, but it's okay for me?

  David Puddy : What do you care? You know where you're going.

• Jerry : Hey, so Sophie gave me the "It's me" on the phone today.

  Elaine : "It's me?" Isn't it a little premature?

  Jerry : I thought so.

  Elaine : Hah. She's not a me. *I'm* a me.

• Jerry : No no, he's pretending he's got gonorrhea so med students can diagnose it.

  Cosmo Kramer : And it's a waste of my talent. It's just a little burning. Mickey, he got bacterial meningitis.

  George Costanza : Well I guess there are no small diseases, only small actors.

  [Kramer, Elaine and Jerry laugh] 

  George Costanza : Alright, that's it for me. goodnight everybody.

  [exits] 

  Elaine : What was that?

  Jerry : Showmanship. George is trying to get out on a high note.