The Sopranos (TV Series)

46 Long (1999)

James Gandolfini: Tony Soprano

Photos 

Quotes 

• Christopher Moltisanti : What about the dead guy?

  Tony Soprano : You keep prodding him with a stick. You light a candle to St. Anthony. But I think you're fucked.

• [Christopher hijacked a truck full of DVD players] 

  Junior Soprano : For 21 fuckin' years Comley's been putting food on my table, protection money.

  Tony Soprano : Hey, Chris didn't know going in.

  Junior Soprano : Bullshit.

  Tony Soprano : You want my DVD player? You can watch "Grumpy Old Men".

  Junior Soprano : You gonna be a fuckin' funny boy too now, huh?

• Mikey Palmice : Your nephew, what's he... retarded? He likes to play with trucks or something?

  Tony Soprano : Retarded? What if Jerry Lewis heard you talkin' like that?

  Mikey Palmice : No, that's muscular dystrophy, Tone.

  Tony Soprano : It's too bad they don't have a telethon for fuckface-itis, huh? They find a cure yet?

• Tony Soprano : You listen to me now. Before you do any more serious damage to yourself or your grandchildren's inheritance, you're gonna stop living alone, right now.

  Livia Soprano : I'm not going to that nursing home.

  Tony Soprano : Green Grove is a retirement community! And it's more like a hotel at Captain Teeb's!

  Livia Soprano : Who's he?

  Tony Soprano : A captain that owns luxury hotels or something, I don't know. That's not the point. The point is, I talked to Mrs. DiCaprio over there and she says she's got a corner suite available with a woods view. It's available now, but it's gonna go fast.

  Livia Soprano : Of course it's available, somebody died!

  Tony Soprano : Oh, Ma, you gotta stop! You gotta stop with this black poison cloud all the time! 'Cause I can't take it anymore!

  Livia Soprano : Oh, poor you!

  Tony Soprano : You know, I got problems at work, I got problems at home, I got a friend whose been diagnosed with cancer. Most parents would be grateful if their yuppie children put as much thought into this as I did.

  Livia Soprano : I'm not going to that place.

  Tony Soprano : Then I will go to court and I will get a durable power of attorney over you and I will place you there.

  Livia Soprano : Then kill me now. Go on now, go into the ham, and take the carving knife and stab me, here, here, now, please! It would hurt me less than what you just said.

  Tony Soprano : You know, I know seniors that are inspired!

• Tony Soprano : [to Christopher]  You leave Comley Trucking and every other fucking item on this planet that belongs to my uncle Junior, including his hemorrhoid donut, the fuck alone.

• Dr. Jennifer Melfi : [That retirement community is]  more like a hotel at Cap d'Antibes.

  Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : [later repeating it to his mother]  It's more like a hotel at Captain Teeb's!

  Livia Soprano : Who's he?

  Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. : The Captain owns luxury hotels or something. I don't know! That's not the point!

• [about DVD players] 

  Tony Soprano : I hear there's not as many titles available as on laser.

  Brendan Filone : You know, there's more coming, though.

  Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : My internist told me the picture's not that different from laser either, Tone.

  Brendan Filone : But the sound, way improved.

  Tony Soprano : Good. 'Cause nothing beats popping up some Orville Redenbacher's and listening to "Men in Black".

• Tony Soprano : You know, you got a reputation for immaturity, and its not gonna be improved by not paying the tributes the acting boss demands of you.

  Brendan Filone : Acting boss my ass Tone. Come on, everybody knows you really run things since Jackie became the "Kemo Sabe."

• Tony Soprano : [to Livia's Trinidadian caretaker]  Listen, let's get one thing straight. In the hours you're here taking care of my mother, no ganja. OK?

• Jackie Aprile : I may be acting boss while the old man's a guest of the government but I wish somebody would tell my bowels 'cause they don't obey. And the fuckin' chemo... Maybe I should name a successor.

  Tony Soprano : This day and age? Who wants the fuckin' job?

• Tony Soprano : [on cloning]  I tell my kids, only God can create a life.

  Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero : I got a list of people as long as my arm I wouldn't want cloned.

• Dr. Jennifer Melfi : [about Livia]  She could need a change in her living situation, be around more people.

  Tony Soprano : Well, we were looking at Green Grove.

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : It's a beautiful facility. It's more like a hotel at Cap d'Antibes.

  Tony Soprano : Yeah. But to her it's a nursing home.

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Well, she needs to be made to see the distinction. That in fact, she's embarking on a rewarding chapter. I know seniors who are inspired. And inspiring.

• Tony Soprano : [referring to his mother's friend that she accidently hit with her car]  She broke her wrist on the steering column: Minor concession

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : What about the other woman?

  Tony Soprano : [before Melfi winches]  Hip, we were down at the hospital until two in the morning, talking to her doctor and the gerontologist, their saying she shouldn't live alone anymore, she can't manage the telephone

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : And you say she's very healthy and alert?

  Tony Soprano : Like a bull, why?

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : I'm just thinking and I know there are other doctors who are right there but you know from your own life that depression can cause accidents or performance, or worse

  Tony Soprano : So, what're you saying, that she "unconsciously" tried to "whack" her best friend?

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : [sarcastically, irritated]  It's "interesting" that you would take that from what I said. Either way, she could need a change in her living situation, be around more people

  Tony Soprano : Well, we were looking at Green Grove