South Park (TV Series)

Proper Condom Use (2001)

Matt Stone: Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Butters Stotch, Tweek, Mr. Adler

Photos 

Quotes 

• [the boys erroneously think they need to wear condoms all the time in order not to get or spread diseases] 

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : [removing a condom from its wrapper]  Why, it's just a little donut!

  [fumbles with it] 

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : Oh, it's all gooey!

  Eric Cartman : Just put it on, Butters!

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : H-How come I gotta go first?

  Eric Cartman : Butters, will you stop... filibustering!

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : Oh, a-all right, then.

  [turns around, drops pants, and starts fumbling with the condom] 

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : Aw, it's sticky.

  Kyle Broflovski : [reading from the condom box]  It says you gotta check it for holes or tears.

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : I don't even understand how this thing...! Oh, wait, oh, I see.

  [Cartman peaks] 

  Stan Marsh : Don't look at Butters' shlong, gaymo!

  Eric Cartman : I wasn't looking at his shlong, I was seeing how to put the condom on!

  Kyle Broflovski : [sarcastically]  Sure!

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : But it won't stay on. I-I need a rubber band or something.

  Tweek : I-I've got rubber bands!

  [hands them to Butters] 

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : [fumbles with the rubber bands]  Ow! Eh, ow! Okay, eh... ow! There! Okay, I think it's on!

  Stan Marsh : How do you feel?

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : [pause]  Pretty good!

  Eric Cartman : Do you feel protected?

  Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : Yeah, I don't think nothing is getting to my wiener through this thing. It's even got a little reservoir at the end so you can pee in it.

  Stan Marsh : All right, here everybody, Tweek, give everyone a rubber band. Hey, somebody's gotta help Timmy put his condom on.

  Timmy : *Timmah*!

• Butters : [talking on a walkie-talkie]  Just walk away! You can put a stop to all this! Just walk away and we will spare your lives! Just walk away!

• Butters : AIDs? Oh, geez, fellas, I don't wanna get the AIDs.

• Eric Cartman : Watch this, it's so funny. Come here, Darling, come on. Red rocket! Red rocket! He he he, come on, he he he!

  [Eric masturbates the dog] 

  Stan Marsh : Cartman, what the hell are you doing?

  Eric Cartman : I'm milking the dog - they make dog milk.

  Kyle Broflovski : No they don't.

  Kenny McCormick : Yeah, dude.

  Eric Cartman : Yeah, just hold on a minute. The fifth graders showed us how to do it. Red rocket! Red rocket! Come on, dog, red rocket! Oh ho!

  [the dog ejaculates] 

  Kyle Broflovski : Whoa, cool, that's awsome!

  Eric Cartman : I told you guys.

  Stan Marsh : I had no idea dogs made milk. do it again.

  Eric Cartman : Dumbass, you can only milk a dog once every few hours; doesn't work if you beat off a dog right away.

  Kyle Broflovski : You beat off?

  Eric Cartman : That's what it's called when milk a dog, beating him off. Don't you guys know anything?

• Sharon Marsh : Stanley, do you know why you're being grounded for ten months?

  Kyle Broflovski : No!

  Randy Marsh : Beating off the dog is not appropriate when we have company. I mean, ever! Beating off the dog is not appropriate ever.

  [after Sharon looks at him]