South Park (TV Series)
Proper Condom Use (2001)
Nico Agnone: Filmore Anderson, Craig
Quotes
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[Mr. Garrison has to teach sexual education in Kindergarten]
Mr. Herbert Garrison : Okay children, who can tell me what a condom is?
[silence, one girl raises hand]
Mr. Herbert Garrison : Yes, Jenny?
Jenny : It fwies awound and it's endangewed.
Mr. Herbert Garrison : That's a *condor*, Jenny! Condor. *Condoms* are what we use to stop the spread of STDs.
[Fillmore raises hand]
Mr. Herbert Garrison : Yes, Fillmore?
Filmore Anderson : Can we do fingerpaints?
Mr. Herbert Garrison : [angrily] No, we can't do fingerpaints! You kids wanna get herpes, huh? How 'bout a nice bucket of AIDS? Sound good? Now pay attention, all right? I'm going show you the proper way to put on a condom.
[puts a wooden phallus on table]
Mr. Herbert Garrison : First of all, you remove the condom from its package. Then you find which way the condom rolls out. Put it in your mouth
[puts consom in mouth, and starts to speak muffled]
Mr. Herbert Garrison : and apply.
[off screen, Garrison puts the condom over the wooden penis by act of fellatio; the kids look baffled; one starts crying]
Mr. Herbert Garrison : And it's as simple as that. Any questions?