South Park (TV Series)
Scott Tenorman Must Die (2001)
Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Scott's Friend #1, Man from Fort Collins, Delivery Man, Clyde, Timmy, Ned Gerblanski, Mr. Tenorman, MTV Presenter
Photos
Quotes
-
Cartman : [inspecting Scott Tenorman's chili dish] Huh, this chili looks pretty good. Weh, here's mine.
[hands his chili dish to Scott, who starts eating it]
Scott Tenorman : Mmm. Ah, I don't know. Your chili is pretty good, Cartman, but I think mine is better. Try it.
Cartman : All right.
[takes the dish and starts eating. Both boys munch away for a few moments]
Cartman : Hey, this is great!
[Stan and Kyle stifle giggles]
Scott Tenorman : Eh, it's a special recipe.
Cartman : Gawh, this is really good, Scott!
Scott Tenorman : I'm glad you like it so much, because now that you're almost finished, I have something to tell you.
Cartman : What? You mean about how you put pubes in your chili?
Scott Tenorman : What?
Cartman : Yes, I'm afraid this isn't your chili, Scott. I switched it with Chef's.
[turns to Chef]
Cartman : It's delicious, Chef. I hadn't planned on that. What I did plan on, however, was that my friends, Stan and Kyle, would betray me and warn you that the Chili Con Carnival was a trap.
[Stan and Kyle are stunned]
Cartman : I assumed that they would tell you that I had trained Denkins' pony to bite off your weiner. What they didn't tell you was that Denkins is a crazy redneck who shoots trespassers on sight. Knowing that you would try and do something to the pony, I warned Mr. Denkins that violent pony killers were in the area. I also knew that you wouldn't go yourself, for fear of having your weiner bitten off. You would most likely send your parents. And, I'm afraid that when Mr. Denkins spotted them on his property, he shot and killed both your parents.
Mr. Denkins : Well, they was trespassin' and I was protectin' myself. I, I have my rights!
Scott Tenorman : My... mom and dad are... dead?
Cartman : I came just in time to see Mr. Denkins giving his report to Officer Barbrady. And of course, to steal the bodies. After a night with the hacksaw, I was all ready to put on my Chili Con Carnival, so that I could tell you personally about your parents' demise! And of course, feed you your chili. Do you like it? Do you like it, Scott? I call it, "Mr. & Mrs. Tenorman Chili."
Scott Tenorman : [looks at Cartman for a while, realizing what just happened] Oh, my God!
[gagging, he fishes through the plate and finds his mom's wedding ring, still on her finger. He tosses it away]
Scott Tenorman : Oh, my God!
[vomits off to the side]
Cartman : [leaps up on the table and sings] Nyahnyahnyahnyah nyah nyah! I made you eat your parents! Nyahnyahnyahnyah nyah nyah!
Stan : Jesus Christ, dude!
Scott Tenorman : [grief-stricken, he buries his face on the table] My mom and dad are dead!
[he pounds the table]
Scott Tenorman : No! Nooo!
-
Thom Yorke : [as Scott Tenorman cries after realizing he ate his parents in a bowl of chili, Radiohead arrive at the scene] Uhm, excuse me?
Stan : Who are you?
Jonny Greenwood : We're that band Radiohead.
Scott Tenorman : [raises his head] Jesus!
Ed O'Brien : Jeez, what a li'l crybaby!
Colin Greenwood : Are you gonna cry all day, crybaby?
Thom Yorke : You know, everyone has problems; it doesn't mean you have to be a little crybaby about it.
Ed O'Brien : Come on, guys, let's go. This kid is totally not cool.
Ed O'Brien : Yeah, that's the most uncool kid I've ever met.
Phil Selway : Little crybaby!
[Radiohead leave the scene]
Scott Tenorman : No, wait! Waaiittt! Oh, my God, Oh, my Gaawwwd!
[buries his face on the table]
Cartman : [walks over to Scott's end of the table] Yes! Yesss! Oh, let me taste your tears, Scott!
[starts licking Scott's tears off his face]
Cartman : Mm, your tears are so yummy and sweet!
Kyle : Dude, I think it might be best for us to never piss Cartman off again.
Stan : Good call.
Cartman : Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! My-yummy!
[licks the tears off the table and off Scott's face]
Cartman : Mm-yummy, you guys!
[screen closes to Looney Tunes-style splash]
Cartman : Yuppitibut, that's all, folks!
-
Kurt Loder : Welcome back to MTV. We're here with the members from Radiohead, probably the hottest band in the world right now. Guys, when is the new album coming out?
Thom Yorke : [Cartman's voice is dubbed over] That's an interesting question, Kurt. But first, I'd like to say that I really hate this kid named Scott Tenorman. He's stupid.
Jonny Greenwood : [Cartman's voice] Yeah, I hate Scott Tenorman, too.
Ed O'Brien : [Cartman's voice] I think all the guys in the band hate him, right, guys?
Cartman : Oh, Jesus. Did you hear that Scott?
Kurt Loder : And will there be a new tour?
Phil Selway : [Cartman's voice] Well, we would tour, but we just hate that Scott Tenorman kid so much that we don't want to.
Thom Yorke : [Cartman's voice] Yeah! Scott Tenorman is totally not cool!
