Star Trek (TV Series)

The Trouble with Tribbles (1967)

Stanley Adams: Cyrano Jones

Photos 

Quotes 

• Korax : [the tribbles squeal as he pours some of his drink into Cyrano Jones' glass]  The Earthers like those fuzzy things. Don't they?

  Cyrano Jones : [accepts drink, laughs nervously]  Oh, yes.

  Korax : Well, frankly, I never liked Earthers. They remind me of Regulan bloodworms.

  [the Klingons laugh] 

  Chekov : That cossack!

  Scott : Easy, lad. You ought to be more forgiving.

  Korax : Though... I just remembered. There is one Earth man who doesn't remind me of a Regulan bloodworm. That's Kirk. A Regulan bloodworm is soft, and shapeless. But Kirk isn't soft. Kirk may be a swaggering, overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of godhood. But he's not soft.

  Scott : [as Chekov gets up]  Take it easy, lad. Everybody is entitled to an opinion.

  [Chekov sits down] 

  Korax : That's right. And if I think that Kirk is a Denebian slime devil, well, that's my opinion, too.

  Scott : [as Chekov gets up again]  Don't do it, mister, and that's an order.

  Chekov : But you heard what he called the Captain!

  Scott : Forget it. It's not worth fighting for. We're big enough to take a few insults.

  [swaps Chekov's empty glass with another] 

  Scott : Now, drink your drink.

  [Chekov sits down and obliges] 

  Korax : Of course, I'd say that Captain Kirk deserves his ship. We like the Enterprise. We, we really do! That sagging, old rust bucket is designed like a garbage scow.

  [Scotty's ears perk up] 

  Korax : Half the quadrant knows it; that's why they're learning to speak Klingonese!

  Chekov : [outraged]  Mr. Scott!

  Scott : [to Korax]  Laddie... don't ya think you should... rephrase that?

  Korax : [in Scottish brogue]  You're right. I should.

  Korax : [normal voice]  I didn't mean to say that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage. I meant to say that it should be hauled away AS garbage!

  [Korax laughs. Scotty stands up, decks him, and a brawl ensues] 

• Trader : Four credits.

  Cyrano Jones : Is that an offer or a joke?

  Trader : That's my offer.

  Cyrano Jones : That's a joke.

• [Cyrano Jones is asking for leniency after his tribbles have infested the entire space station] 

  Capt. Kirk : There is one thing you could do.

  Cyrano Jones : Yes.

  Capt. Kirk : Pick up every tribble on the space station. If you do that, I'll speak to Mr. Lurry about returning your spaceship.

  Cyrano Jones : [appalled]  It would take years!

  Spock : 17.9, to be exact.

  Cyrano Jones : 17.9 years?

  Capt. Kirk : Consider it job security.

• Spock : Surely you must have realized what would happen if you removed the tribbles from their predator-filled environment into an environment where their natural multiplicative proclivities would have no restraining factors.

  Cyrano Jones : [all in one breath]  Well, of cour... What did you say?

  Spock : [irritated but patient]  By removing the tribbles from their natural habitat, you have, so to speak, removed the cork from the bottle and allowed the genie to escape.

• [the trader is furious after Cyrano Jones has given Uhura a tribble that the trader had wanted to sell] 

  Trader : What are you trying to do, ruin the market?

  Cyrano Jones : Once this lovely little lady starts to show this precious little darling around, you won't be able to keep up with them.