When those cats start tearing down the door and Scully looks like "WHAT THE F IS HAPPENING?!" you just got to laugh. Best expression in the entire show. 7 out of 10. The 70s throwback to creature feature shots of scary kitties scratching a terrified Scully are also class. But as for the episode it's not that good. Victims are too silly for such intelligent people but if a horde of pussy cats started chasing you, you probably wouldn't be able to move out of sheer shock, would you? "Oh my God, look at all those rabid tabbies... are they actually about to kill me? how bizarre!" Then again, the script is at fault for some over the top characterisation and dull "why are you going crazy on me?!?" moments.
19 Reviews
Jaguars and rats
devonbrown-906495 May 2023
Warning: Spoilers
An okay episode.
It explores the greed of museums to acquire sacred artefacts. Unfortunately that greed leads to a string of still un-explained deaths. With Cats scratches and dead rats at every scene.
Scully and mulder do their best in this episode but struggle with the evidence until they find the bodies of the victims in the sewer system. Even they are forced into believing the legends as the deaths are related to those who disturbed the amaru's burial ground.
This episode was well intended but lacked intensity. Other than scully being scratched and the the shaman at the end who had cat eyes. It wasn't captivating enough for me.
It explores the greed of museums to acquire sacred artefacts. Unfortunately that greed leads to a string of still un-explained deaths. With Cats scratches and dead rats at every scene.
Scully and mulder do their best in this episode but struggle with the evidence until they find the bodies of the victims in the sewer system. Even they are forced into believing the legends as the deaths are related to those who disturbed the amaru's burial ground.
This episode was well intended but lacked intensity. Other than scully being scratched and the the shaman at the end who had cat eyes. It wasn't captivating enough for me.
Go With It, This Episode is Unintentionally Hilarious
mikeewen-0565419 August 2021
Warning: Spoilers
I'm giving this episode a 6/10 because of the pure absurdity of the ending, but if you watch it with the right expectations, you'll laugh really hard at the unintentional hilarity.
My advice: watch the first three-quarters of the episode like you would any other episode. The plot is reasonably intriguing and the idea of people dying due to some sort of a curse isn't out of step from typical X-Files storylines. But as soon as the first housecat makes an appearance, switch your viewing experience toward comedy. Watching Scully get "mauled" by a housecat is absolutely hilarious, especially given how poorly the scene was shot (consider pausing it to see freeze-frames of the absurdity). Then, when Mulder grabs the cat (surely a stuffed animal) and tosses it aside, I laughed even harder.
To be fair to the director, I don't think there's a way to shoot the cat scenes without it being ridiculous. I'm not sure what the writer was thinking, though. If it had been rewritten to be intentionally comedic, it would probably be beloved like the Clyde Bruckman, Jose Chung, or Bad Blood episodes. Unfortunately, that was not the case and we're stuck with the infamous cat episode. Might as well "Go With It" and have a laugh.
My advice: watch the first three-quarters of the episode like you would any other episode. The plot is reasonably intriguing and the idea of people dying due to some sort of a curse isn't out of step from typical X-Files storylines. But as soon as the first housecat makes an appearance, switch your viewing experience toward comedy. Watching Scully get "mauled" by a housecat is absolutely hilarious, especially given how poorly the scene was shot (consider pausing it to see freeze-frames of the absurdity). Then, when Mulder grabs the cat (surely a stuffed animal) and tosses it aside, I laughed even harder.
To be fair to the director, I don't think there's a way to shoot the cat scenes without it being ridiculous. I'm not sure what the writer was thinking, though. If it had been rewritten to be intentionally comedic, it would probably be beloved like the Clyde Bruckman, Jose Chung, or Bad Blood episodes. Unfortunately, that was not the case and we're stuck with the infamous cat episode. Might as well "Go With It" and have a laugh.
Mulder: Go with it, Scully.
bombersflyup9 January 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Teso dos Bichos is about archaeologists unearthing the grave of an ancient shaman.
Have to admit, I may have had this rated a tad high. It's a mess, but it's still fun. Certainly "unexplained" phenomena, I assume the cats are possessed by the spirit, but Dr. Bilac's involvement's confusing. The rats in the engine, also a mystery.
Have to admit, I may have had this rated a tad high. It's a mess, but it's still fun. Certainly "unexplained" phenomena, I assume the cats are possessed by the spirit, but Dr. Bilac's involvement's confusing. The rats in the engine, also a mystery.
Cats and Rats
Muldernscully7 July 2006
After watching Pusher, arguably the best episode of season three, the viewer is then thrust upon Teso Dos Bichos, a poor excuse for an x-files episode. It's easily the worst episode of season three and quite possibly the entire series. First of all, the title is Portuguese, yet the episode begins in Ecuador, where Spanish is spoken. The episode starts off on the wrong foot with the teaser. First, there is snow at the dig site. Then, everything is dry. Minutes later, there is snow on the ground and it is snowing heavily. Bad continuity error. The guest acting is bad, starting with Dr. Roosevelt, continuing to Dr. Bilac, and finishing with Mona. The story is convoluted and confusing. Is the killer a jaguar spirit, Dr. Bilac, a bunch of cats, or rats? Are the killings related to the curse, or is it just sewer cats on the rampage? Mulder and Scully are in the sewers trying to find Dr. Bilac and they show a shot of a bunch of cats, seemingly calm. If they are killer cats, why are they so calm? Did the jaguar spirit transform into several cats? The story is too disjointed to make any logical sense. The music in some parts is quite interesting and there is some good Mulder/Scully dialogue which is what allows this episode to have a couple of points. This is John Shiban at his worst. Luckily, Jose Chung's "From Outer Space" is coming up shortly, so the pain from watching this episode won't last too long.
I'm a little speechless after that.
Sleepin_Dragon1 October 2021
Members of an archaeological team in Ecuador start dying, after ancient remains of a body are dug up.
Was the writer drinking too much yage?
Series three has been so consistently good, so many of the episodes are impressive to say the least, however, there's always one, following on from Pusher, this felt like something that was put together and churned out in a hurry.
It has that 90's cheap thriller vibe about it, lots of close ups, thoughtful stares, and some heavy handed music.
Mulder and Scully are absent for chunks of it, and in all honesty who can blame them, I wouldn't have wanted to get involved here either.
The cat ate the rat, and the dog ate the cat, what did the jaguar eat? The plot perhaps?
Not the best, 4/10.
Was the writer drinking too much yage?
Series three has been so consistently good, so many of the episodes are impressive to say the least, however, there's always one, following on from Pusher, this felt like something that was put together and churned out in a hurry.
It has that 90's cheap thriller vibe about it, lots of close ups, thoughtful stares, and some heavy handed music.
Mulder and Scully are absent for chunks of it, and in all honesty who can blame them, I wouldn't have wanted to get involved here either.
The cat ate the rat, and the dog ate the cat, what did the jaguar eat? The plot perhaps?
Not the best, 4/10.
Maybe lay off the Yage
n-town-smash18 June 2008
Warning: Spoilers
If there's one thing the X-Files generally avoided, it was filler. But "Teso Dos Bichos" definitely qualifies.
It's hard to pinpoint exactly *why* this feels so generic and lazy, as I'm not sure that it had particularly been done before in the show, but it seems like a loose mish mesh of "Shapes"' werewolf/manitou plot, but with cats. There's a shaman whose grave is desecrated, and a guy who's hitting some kind of spiritual herbal drug, but their relevance to the events of the episode aren't all that clear for the most part, and while some episodes play that kind of ambiguity to their advantage, here it just seems sloppy and devoid of any logic.
I think the real problem is that "Teso Dos Bichos" is just charmless. There's nothing that really stands out as unique or original here, and mainly, nothing that couldn't have been done by any other show (The Outer Limits springs to mind). Mulder and Scully are just flaccid and boring, wandering through the episode in the same kind of daze that the rest of us do, and really, they could be anyone. It almost seems inconvenient to have to deal with two characters when one would do, and since this was before the show got into focusing on one character or another, one of the agents always seems like a "second wheel".
Not the worst episode, but definitely not worth seeking out.
It's hard to pinpoint exactly *why* this feels so generic and lazy, as I'm not sure that it had particularly been done before in the show, but it seems like a loose mish mesh of "Shapes"' werewolf/manitou plot, but with cats. There's a shaman whose grave is desecrated, and a guy who's hitting some kind of spiritual herbal drug, but their relevance to the events of the episode aren't all that clear for the most part, and while some episodes play that kind of ambiguity to their advantage, here it just seems sloppy and devoid of any logic.
I think the real problem is that "Teso Dos Bichos" is just charmless. There's nothing that really stands out as unique or original here, and mainly, nothing that couldn't have been done by any other show (The Outer Limits springs to mind). Mulder and Scully are just flaccid and boring, wandering through the episode in the same kind of daze that the rest of us do, and really, they could be anyone. It almost seems inconvenient to have to deal with two characters when one would do, and since this was before the show got into focusing on one character or another, one of the agents always seems like a "second wheel".
Not the worst episode, but definitely not worth seeking out.
"The cat ate a rat. And the dog ate the cat."
classicsoncall13 June 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Come on reviewers, lighten up a bit. Boy, the naysayers on this episode outweigh the favorable ones by a wide margin but I didn't think it was so bad. Scully and Mulder share a lot of humorous exchanges, and the curse on the amaru urn isn't any more far fetched than a lot of the episodes had to offer. Besides, any episode that pays tribute to classic horror film director Val Lewton by using that surname for one of the characters can't be all bad. Lewton made such films as 1942's "Cat People" and the following year's "The Leopard Man". Hmm, seems there's a pattern here. With dozens of cats residing underneath the Boston Museum of Natural History, it's not surprising they might have had their claws out for Scully and Mulder. Not to worry, and it pains me to say it, but a little pussy never hurt anybody.
Personally, if someone digs me up in 1000 years, I hope there's a curse on them, too
DWilliams10896 February 2011
When people think of the worst episodes of The X-Files, it's pretty much a given that this is going to be listed among them. Episodes that sideline Mulder and Scully to talking heads automatically tend to be thin in substance; this was largely where "Space" failed back in season one. To that episode's defense, it aired very early in the series's run, and despite being poorly executed, it tossed around some relatively unique ideas. This episode fails because it's just crap.
And even then the premise could have worked, had it been approached from a comedic angle. Having aired amidst Darin Morgan's trinity of episodes, which were all quite hilarious in their own regard, it's quite surprising the writers opted not to do this. Instead the case is approached with the same level of seriousness as any standard monster-of-the-week, which is unfortunate because the case itself is utterly silly.
War of the Coprophages, which aired several months earlier, was also founded on a ridiculous premise, but succeeded as a send-up of classic sci-fi and also a self-parody of the series. There is no such attempt at cleverness in Teso dos Bichos. An artifact is stolen, a curse is invoked by means of some hallucinogenic concoction, employees at a museum die under mysterious circumstances, and the culprit leaves behind a trail of dead rats. The script initially sets us up to believe we're dealing with a p'd-off jaguar or some relative of the animal kingdom. Wrong.
Instead we're treated to a legion of housecats with sticks up their arses. Perhaps the writers were treated to some of Dr. Bilac's yaje in pre-production. Either way the result is an episode that should never have made it onto the screen, especially at such a peak era of quality in the series. Even episodes from the much-derided final seasons don't quite sink to this level of garbage. 3/10.
And even then the premise could have worked, had it been approached from a comedic angle. Having aired amidst Darin Morgan's trinity of episodes, which were all quite hilarious in their own regard, it's quite surprising the writers opted not to do this. Instead the case is approached with the same level of seriousness as any standard monster-of-the-week, which is unfortunate because the case itself is utterly silly.
War of the Coprophages, which aired several months earlier, was also founded on a ridiculous premise, but succeeded as a send-up of classic sci-fi and also a self-parody of the series. There is no such attempt at cleverness in Teso dos Bichos. An artifact is stolen, a curse is invoked by means of some hallucinogenic concoction, employees at a museum die under mysterious circumstances, and the culprit leaves behind a trail of dead rats. The script initially sets us up to believe we're dealing with a p'd-off jaguar or some relative of the animal kingdom. Wrong.
Instead we're treated to a legion of housecats with sticks up their arses. Perhaps the writers were treated to some of Dr. Bilac's yaje in pre-production. Either way the result is an episode that should never have made it onto the screen, especially at such a peak era of quality in the series. Even episodes from the much-derided final seasons don't quite sink to this level of garbage. 3/10.
The 'Troll 2' of the X-Files universe
SleepTight66613 October 2008
Warning: Spoilers
Dear lord, after a chain of 8 excellent episodes it was bound to go the wrong way. And boy, did it go WRONG.
I don't consider this episode to be unwatchably bad like Season 1's 'Space'. The difference between those two particular episodes was that Space was just painful to sit through, while 'Teso Dos Bichos' has some sort of charm. it's terrible for the most part and is completely full of cheesy. But it also works as a comedy, it's fun to see how bad this show could get sometimes.
The cat scenes at the end were particularly memorable. It's like watching a very cheesy investigative/horror B-flick that makes little to no sense. But they were fun, and looked hilariously stupid.
The plus sides were the cool bloodbath scenes and the disgusting dead rats.
This episode does not deserve more than ONE star. But it's entertaining to watch, for sure. It's like the 'Troll 2' of the X-Files universe.
I don't consider this episode to be unwatchably bad like Season 1's 'Space'. The difference between those two particular episodes was that Space was just painful to sit through, while 'Teso Dos Bichos' has some sort of charm. it's terrible for the most part and is completely full of cheesy. But it also works as a comedy, it's fun to see how bad this show could get sometimes.
The cat scenes at the end were particularly memorable. It's like watching a very cheesy investigative/horror B-flick that makes little to no sense. But they were fun, and looked hilariously stupid.
The plus sides were the cool bloodbath scenes and the disgusting dead rats.
This episode does not deserve more than ONE star. But it's entertaining to watch, for sure. It's like the 'Troll 2' of the X-Files universe.
Terrible X Files episode
cgm31921 June 2013
Warning: Spoilers
The worst part about this episode is its lack of explanation. In many parts throughout, you'll be wondering to yourself, "Why is this that?" For example, what's with the cats? Why is the jaguar now a bunch of cats? The first guy this episode shows being attacked was attacked by a jaguar. Mulder said it himself that the curse was a haunting from a jaguar spirit. Now we find out near the end that the people that were attacked at the museum were attacked by... a bunch of cats? What? Why? Why is this that? Did the jaguar just turn into a bunch of cats? Who knows? Another thing that irritated me was how much emphasis was being put on Dr. Bilac as if he was the jaguar... that turned into a bunch of cats? (I know, I know. I'm trying not to put too much emphasis on how bad that was.) Anyways, in the opening sequence, it is made to seem as though Dr. Bilac was seeing things from the jaguar's perspective after using yage. However, later on, we find that he was in fact not controlling the jaguar. So if he wasn't using yage to control the jaguar, then why was he using yage? To see things from the jaguar's perspective? Why? That's quite a bit of emphasis being put on a character that did nothing to progress the story. In my opinion, Dr. Bilac and his girlfriend took way too much screen time away from Mulder and Scully. All in all, this was a terrible X-Files episode that followed a phenomenal watch: "Pusher." "Teso dos Bichos" is the worst episode I've come by as of yet, and hopefully, it stays the worst.
A stinker
aurrora_australis12 December 2006
I love the X Files but I really hated Teso Dos Bichos. It was contrived and just plain pitiful. Those cats were sad and crazy. I'm supposed to believe a federal agent packing heat can get mauled by a few rabid house cats? I dusted off some tapes from years ago and started watching the old episodes and the only thing I had remembered about this one was that it was forgettable. I cringed when I watched it again, and I did not finish it. This was laughably bad, although I am sure there were good intentions behind it. The only reason I give it a 3 is because the mere presence of Mulder and Scully saved it from the gutter. I'm sorry but I just have to say I absolutely hated it. I could live without sitting through this embarrassment ever again and be fine.
This episode is under rated...
mergingtraffic23 July 2009
I was surprised to see so much disdain for this episode.
While it is typically a bit OTT, I found it genuinely funny as well as interesting.
The acting is fine actually, and the script is not all that confusing either. I think it becomes clear what's what by the climax. There's some really funny dialogue between Mulder and Scully, and the story is not particularly predictable either.
Yes - some of the visual effects are lame, but nonetheless, don't be put off - give it a go. It's a lot better than some other X files episodes I could mention!
While it is typically a bit OTT, I found it genuinely funny as well as interesting.
The acting is fine actually, and the script is not all that confusing either. I think it becomes clear what's what by the climax. There's some really funny dialogue between Mulder and Scully, and the story is not particularly predictable either.
Yes - some of the visual effects are lame, but nonetheless, don't be put off - give it a go. It's a lot better than some other X files episodes I could mention!
Could have been better..
Chefeetaboopers26 September 2013
Warning: Spoilers
I felt like this episode had a lot of potential but it just flopped.
The whole plot is that archaeologists dig up a pot with the bones of a shaman. The natives tell them to leave it saying that the curse of the Shaman is a jaguar that runs around killing people. And, like all stories like this, the archaeologists ignore them, taking the artifact back to our country. And, like all stories like this, the curse follows.
People start mysteriously disappearing with blood being the only trace left of them. We start seeing the prime suspect who defends the natives and keeps spouting off that the curse is happening.
This is where you can guess either one of two things is happening: A.) the guy (or someone else) is dressing up like a jaguar or simply reenacting the curse in hopes that the museum gives back the item (kind of like a Scooby Doo plot) or B.) There really is a curse and a jaguar really is running around killing people.. this type of thing happens with stories like this.
Only.. there isn't a jaguar at all.. or even a spirit that we see. All we get is a bunch of scaredy-cat rats running around flipping out the people who become victims and a lot of ferocious cats living in the sewers who are strangely strong enough to break a door down in the style of "The Shining" which I found very hilarious!
What I expected was that it was a spirit taking over the flipping stuffed jaguar you keep seeing in the office. I mean, they keep on taking shots at it like "Tah-dah! Here's the culprit." But it never happens. They even linger on the jaguar in the end of the episode and still nothing.
I'm guessing this "curse" was actually a curse put on the defender guy when he drank the ritual drink from another Shaman.. going by the whole cat eye thing in the end.
The main thing I really liked about this was Mulder constantly saying "Just Go With It, Scully".. that makes for a good Mulder catch-phrase!
While I didn't really like or hate this episode, I felt it didn't do the X-Files any justice.
So, unless you really want to watch every episode (like I'm doing cause I haven't seen the X-Files since I was 8.) I'd strongly suggest just skipping over this episode.
Other than the cats breaking down the door and Scully's face during that scene, you really won't miss much of anything.
The whole plot is that archaeologists dig up a pot with the bones of a shaman. The natives tell them to leave it saying that the curse of the Shaman is a jaguar that runs around killing people. And, like all stories like this, the archaeologists ignore them, taking the artifact back to our country. And, like all stories like this, the curse follows.
People start mysteriously disappearing with blood being the only trace left of them. We start seeing the prime suspect who defends the natives and keeps spouting off that the curse is happening.
This is where you can guess either one of two things is happening: A.) the guy (or someone else) is dressing up like a jaguar or simply reenacting the curse in hopes that the museum gives back the item (kind of like a Scooby Doo plot) or B.) There really is a curse and a jaguar really is running around killing people.. this type of thing happens with stories like this.
Only.. there isn't a jaguar at all.. or even a spirit that we see. All we get is a bunch of scaredy-cat rats running around flipping out the people who become victims and a lot of ferocious cats living in the sewers who are strangely strong enough to break a door down in the style of "The Shining" which I found very hilarious!
What I expected was that it was a spirit taking over the flipping stuffed jaguar you keep seeing in the office. I mean, they keep on taking shots at it like "Tah-dah! Here's the culprit." But it never happens. They even linger on the jaguar in the end of the episode and still nothing.
I'm guessing this "curse" was actually a curse put on the defender guy when he drank the ritual drink from another Shaman.. going by the whole cat eye thing in the end.
The main thing I really liked about this was Mulder constantly saying "Just Go With It, Scully".. that makes for a good Mulder catch-phrase!
While I didn't really like or hate this episode, I felt it didn't do the X-Files any justice.
So, unless you really want to watch every episode (like I'm doing cause I haven't seen the X-Files since I was 8.) I'd strongly suggest just skipping over this episode.
Other than the cats breaking down the door and Scully's face during that scene, you really won't miss much of anything.
Jaguars and tabbies and rats, oh my!
lynnwengland3 August 2015
Warning: Spoilers
There's not much I can add to this already torpedoed mess of an episode except that apparently every stray cat in Vancouver finally found a home. The trivia states that the cats could not be made to attack our daring duo. Dare I suppose that the one that was seen hurdling through the air was picked up and thrown? Canadian SPCA: Alarm! Alarm! Maybe if the cats were made to watch this themselves they would have become angry enough to pounce, it sure got my fur up. Most of the reviewers posted thoughtful, in depth analysis of this terrible episode. Some even warned the viewing public away. I wish I had read the reviews first. My friends tell me this series gets better. I hope so. I can't imagine how it could get any worse. Where do I submit my form to get my 45 minutes back?
Go with it Scully
Sanpaco1318 July 2007
Teso dos Bichos:
Kitty cats aren't all that nice
Sometimes they eat more than just mice
They dug up a curse
Now left off for worse
For a professor he's sure not too wise
This is definitely one of my least favorite episodes. First of all I hate cats. I won't go into details about how much I hate cats though I assure you I could. OK the teaser for this episode wasn't all that great. I think maybe the first time I saw it I may have been interested just because there's nothing obvious in it that makes you think the monster is just a really ugly pissy cat. One thing that kind of gets on my nerves is how whenever there is any Spanish in an English movie or TV show the lines they are saying seem so fake just because they are 100% perfect in their grammar. Nobody talks like that! Anwyay that's not that big a deal.
The only possible thing I could say other than that is that the character (possibly just the actor) of Mona also drove me crazy throughout the episode. Especially the scene where she goes to Bilac's house and they argue and she leaves crying. I don't know why but she just bother's me so much in this scene. Anyway, I think that if they had made the evil spirit an actual jaguar like creature rather than just being a bunch of stupid house cats or even some other type of animal then I might have liked this episode a little better. Then again I love dogs but I still hated Alpha as well. I think the animal episodes are just typically bad all together. 3/10
Kitty cats aren't all that nice
Sometimes they eat more than just mice
They dug up a curse
Now left off for worse
For a professor he's sure not too wise
This is definitely one of my least favorite episodes. First of all I hate cats. I won't go into details about how much I hate cats though I assure you I could. OK the teaser for this episode wasn't all that great. I think maybe the first time I saw it I may have been interested just because there's nothing obvious in it that makes you think the monster is just a really ugly pissy cat. One thing that kind of gets on my nerves is how whenever there is any Spanish in an English movie or TV show the lines they are saying seem so fake just because they are 100% perfect in their grammar. Nobody talks like that! Anwyay that's not that big a deal.
The only possible thing I could say other than that is that the character (possibly just the actor) of Mona also drove me crazy throughout the episode. Especially the scene where she goes to Bilac's house and they argue and she leaves crying. I don't know why but she just bother's me so much in this scene. Anyway, I think that if they had made the evil spirit an actual jaguar like creature rather than just being a bunch of stupid house cats or even some other type of animal then I might have liked this episode a little better. Then again I love dogs but I still hated Alpha as well. I think the animal episodes are just typically bad all together. 3/10
Meowou'll be sorry!
frankelee23 July 2023
Some archeologists uncover a rare burial site for ancient shamans and look to excavate the precious urns and skeletal remains before the locals bulldoze the area and turn it into a cocaine processing facility for child slaves. However the spirits are not happy.
This episode isn't the worst episode by any stretch, but a lot of the action, the acting, and the pacing is mediocre. People working in the museum keep dying, but their bodies cannot be found. Is it the curse of the shaman woman's ghost? Yes, of course it is.
Scully gets her face ripped off, but then a scene later she's got like two small scratched areas on her cheeks. So that seemed like a cheat. Oh and the explanation and resulting puppets probably won't wow you.
This episode isn't the worst episode by any stretch, but a lot of the action, the acting, and the pacing is mediocre. People working in the museum keep dying, but their bodies cannot be found. Is it the curse of the shaman woman's ghost? Yes, of course it is.
Scully gets her face ripped off, but then a scene later she's got like two small scratched areas on her cheeks. So that seemed like a cheat. Oh and the explanation and resulting puppets probably won't wow you.
See also
Awards | FAQ | User Ratings | External Reviews | Metacritic Reviews
