User Reviews

Why was this "movie" thought of, made into a script, approved to be made, and carried out? According to the tag line, the movie 'Ilegal Aliens' is supposed to Men in Black meets Charlie's Angels! Yeah, right. It's worst, it's a steaming pile of you know what. Don't worry, Anna Nicole Smith will make farting and urinating sounds to remind you of what type of movie, you're watching. Ilegal Aliens is just awful. Illegal Aliens is a science fiction film starring Anna Nicole Smith and Joanie "Chyna" Laurer. Here we have two of the most plastic, phony women the world has ever known.in one movie with little to no plot. Guided by a holographic mentor Syntax from a space agency. Three agents including Anne Nicole Smith as Lucy are sent down to protect the earth from a intergalactic terrorist Rex (Joanie Laurer). The three aliens take the form of beautiful American women ditching their default ET forms. Anne Nicole Smith is a hybrid, dumb blonde with child voice spitting out random stupid lines ranging from Shakespeare to celeb pop lines. Little is different between her character and her real life self. The other two actresses Lenise Soren and Glady Jimerez are just there to be the straight girls fit in the nonsense sex and crotch jokes from the oddball characters that Anne and Joanie play in the movie. Joanie Laurer plays Rex- a male alien in a female body. We get from Chyna, overacting evil laughing, facial expression, and bad bad jokes. There are a lot of satirical and "breaking the fourth wall" jokes that would work better in a better spoof. The film has one of the worst CGI ever, if it's suppose to be a tribute to the B-movies sci fi's special effects, it's just works to make it look bad. Seriously, it's like they just threw whatever stock models they had against a space background like flying pigs. Not only in the space, but in the explosion they used in this film is stock footage. Half the movie is either fiery explosions or stock footage of buildings imploding as well. This movie marks the last movie for Anne Nicole Smith who died a year later over a drug overdose. She was a model "actress" who married a 100 year old billionaire for his money and tried to get it when he croaked and she did a lot of drugs and drinking and had a reality show. The end. She wasn't the greatest, she wasn't a great role model, and she wasn't that great of a person or actress. The saddest part of Anna Nicole's death is that the public are robbed of fine film performances such as this one. Imagine all the direct-to-video discount bin films we'll never see now at your local Wal-Mart. What a shame.

So here is an ultra-low budget rip off of Men In Black, with a primarily female cast. WWE's Chyna plays the alien possessed villain, while Anna Nicole Smith and two unknowns play attractive earth girls possessed by heroic aliens. They battle each other for the future of our world.

You will probably figure out very quickly if you will be able to watch this movie all the way through or not. Anna Nicole and Chyna overact horribly, like junior high students trying to outdo Al Pacino most over the top moments. You can expect lines like, "Why is my poopy hole sore?" And yet, once I got used to just how terrible everything about this movie was, I did find some laugh-out-loud moments. It actually starts to kick in during the second half, when I had already given up on liking anything about it.

I think I might actually like to watch this again some day, just to see if it really was as likable as I remember. Because of that, I will give it a 5 out of 10. It really is ultra-cheap trash, but that was what I was looking for.

Three aliens take on the guise of mega hot honeys after arriving on Earth and do their best to protect the human race from nefarious intergalactic criminal Rex (wildly overplayed with deliciously hammy eye-rolling wicked relish by wrestler Chyna).

Director David Giancola, working from a blithely silly script by Ben Coello, keeps the enjoyably inane story moving along at a zippy pace, maintains an amiable lighthearted tone throughout, stages the outrageous action set pieces with rip-roaring brio, milks lots of laughs from the cheerful sense of shameless inane humor, and tosses in plenty of witty in-jokes and film references for good measure. Lenise Soren as the sensible Cameron, Gladise Jiminez as the sweet Drew, and especially Anna Nicole Smith as the endearingly ditsy Lucy are all quite sexy, funny, and appealing as the titular extraterrestrials. Moreover, this movie further benefits from lively contributions by Kevin McGuire as pompous hologram Syntax, Patrick Burleigh as hunky scientist Max Sperling, Michael J. Valentine as bumbling agent Valentine, and Dennis Lemoine as much-abused henchman Ray. The rocking soundtrack hits the stirring spot, too. A real goofy hoot and a half.

I have to say that I rented the film out of morbid curiosity after Anna Nicole Smith died. The web buzz on this film was nasty and I didn't expect much - I kind of wanted it to suck. What I got was a surprisingly funny and yes, very stupid but amazingly inventive, edgy and intelligent comedy that left me smirking for days. The film starts out letting your worst fears set in for the first seven minutes or so, looking like you have a long slog through Chyna's screams and Anna's inability to act - but it seems that is all intentional as Director David Giancola is neatly setting you up for the rest of the film which takes a complete, wayyy left turn as it parodies not only Anna's bad acting (in a bold move as she stupidly fumbles a line, starting the real laughs!) but also the "dumbing down" of major studio blockbusters in a biting and hilarious way that no studio film would dare. The film then gets funnier and funnier, outdoing not only the grossest gags of any of the Farrelly brothers films but even John Waters. While Giancola's affection for fart jokes goes a bit far, it is jaw-dropping that he gets the late Ms. Smith to be the object of most of them is stunning. The film does not so much have a third act as it basically deconstructs in a goofy and highly experimental section with an ending scene that not only brilliantly wraps up the film but also is the first of it's kind. IGNORE ANY OF THE SNARKY COMMENTS AND HYPERBOLE YOU MAY HAVE HEARD BY THE WEB-HATERS and check out this low-budget gem. Yes, Ms. Smith was no angel and we are all sick of the news coverage but I have to be totally honest, I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard, and Mr. Giancola's pacing won't waste your time. He has obviously been laboring in the low-budget realm for years, but I bet if his last name was the same as those young insider kids; Kasdan, Coppola, or Reitman, we would be seeing his next studio film soon.

A decent enough movie, loved the costumes, the chemistry, and natural charm of the girls. But with no real explanations: why the girls took it on themselves to risk life and limb becoming superheroes? What were the motivating factors? After all, it's a dangerous world.

Thought from the opening they wanted to go to Hollywood and be models, or something.

Would have been nice to bring the characters' backgrounds into play and give more depth and motivation to them. But this was ignored.

And a little clichéd. After all, saving the world from some madman/woman bent on its destruction is hardly new.

Think it would have been better, if one of the girls got pregnant (by me), and the resultant hybrid baby swiftly grew up, and went on a world wrecking rampage. That way there would have been a lot more tension and excitement, divided loyalties, girls fighting against girls, and the mother defending her baby from the world, blind to the dangers, some motherly instinct kicking in. Well, that's just me.

Would love to see a part two. THE END.