"Mystery Science Theater 3000" Future War (TV Episode 1999) - Michael J. Nelson as Mike Nelson

[while observing the lead actor of "Future War"]

Crow : Hey, it's Jean-Claude Van Damme!

Mike Nelson : More like Jean-Claude Gosh Darn.
[an opening credit says "special appearance by Mel Novak"]

Mike Nelson : It'd be more special if we knew who the hell he was!
Sister Ann : How is it you know English today, but you didn't know English yesterday?

Mike Nelson : Bad screenwriting, really.
Tom Servo : [as the spaceship comes into view on screen] Wait! Another movie started!

Mike Nelson : [identifies the ship which the front looks much like a dustbuster] Dustbuster Galactica.

Crow T. Robot : [summarizing the film] Maybe this is an anthology of short, plotless movies.
[Runaway is surrounded by cardboard boxes]

Crow T. Robot : He's "boxed" in!

Mike Nelson : Yeah, well I'm card-"bored".
Mike Nelson : Battle of the guys who peaked in high school!
Mike Nelson : [after a dinosaur has been killed] I came to warn you... an asteroid.
[as Runaway and the cyborg fight]

Crow T. Robot : This is hard to watch because I care about them both so much.

Mike Nelson : I care about the boxes. I mean, why should innocent freight have to suffer?
[upon seeing one of the actors is named "Robert Z'dar"]

Mike Nelson : Oh, Z'no.
Sister Ann : I was studying to become a nun. But now, I was having second thoughts.

Mike Nelson : [Over shot of a Virgin Mary statue] I'm Mary; this is my story.

Michael J. Nelson: Mike Nelson