Roseanne (TV Series)
Nightmare on Oak Street (1989)
Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner
Quotes
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Roseanne Conner : [Darlene's throwing away her catcher mitt and baseball because they're not considered girl things] These are girl things, Darlene as long as girls continue to use them.
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Becky Conner : I wonder what people did before television.
Roseanne Conner : They made dolls out of corn cobs and stared at fire.
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Darlene Conner : Name one good thing that could come out of this whole mess!
Roseanne Conner : Okay, I can name three. Becky, D.J., and what's that other kid's name? You know the kind of bratty one?
Darlene Conner : Mom!
Roseanne Conner : No, it's not Mom. It's... what is it?
Darlene Conner : ...Darlene.
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Roseanne Conner : So what is it?
Darlene Conner : [beat] I got my period, alright?
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Jackie Harris : So what's going on here?
Roseanne Conner : Darlene got her period last night.
Jackie Harris : Really? She's only 11.
Roseanne Conner : I was 11 when I got my period.
Jackie Harris : Yeah but you were already wearing a D cup.
Roseanne Conner : Yeah, two of them.
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Roseanne Conner : I was up all night ghostbusting.
Dan Conner : D.J. have a nightmare?
Roseanne Conner : I don't know, I was too busy with Darlene.
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Jackie Harris : [about their periods] You were always so weird like you were looking forward to it.
Roseanne Conner : Well, yeah. It was the one thing Mom had no control over.
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Dan Conner : I had this recurring dream in broad daylight. I had this mug with a little airplane design on it and every time I'd drink from it, the engine would start up and it would get closer. And I swear this is true, the propeller went up my nose.
Roseanne Conner : You're scary.
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Jackie Harris : [about Darlene getting her period] Poor kid's just been sentenced to 35 years of monthly inconvenience.
Roseanne Conner : Well, gee, Jackie, I only hope I can find a way to impart that enlightened viewpoint onto my daughter.
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Roseanne Conner : [to Darlene] Now you get to be a part of the whole cycle of things.
[Darlene scoffs]
Roseanne Conner : You know, the moon and the water and the seasons. It's almost magical, Darlene and you should be really proud today 'cause this is the beginning of a lot of really wonderful things in your life.
Darlene Conner : Yeah, cramps.
Roseanne Conner : Well, I'll admit that's one of the highlights.
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Darlene Conner : [to Roseanne] I think after a good night's sleep, I'll feel better in the morning.
Roseanne Conner : I don't know how to tell you this, but you ain't gonna feel better for about 40 years.