Last of the Summer Wine (TV Series)

A White Sweater and a Solicitor's Letter (2001)

Keith Clifford: Billy Hardcastle

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Auntie : Hem, ahem.

  Billy Hardcastle : My, it's a right bow, is that. I'll bet tha could really overcharge for a bow like that.

  Auntie : Make me an offer.

  Billy Hardcastle : Ah, if I do I'm dead. The wife wants a new table lamp.

  Auntie : Well, that's amazing! Funnily enough, this bow comes complete with a *free* table lamp.

  Billy Hardcastle : That is amazing. Think I'm being sucked in here.

  Auntie : Belonged to a champion archer, won all the competitions.

  Billy Hardcastle : Accurate, is it?

  Auntie : Accurate! Huh. He used to post his letters with it from his bedroom window. And they lived three hundred yards from the nearest postbox.

  Billy Hardcastle : Wrapped 'em round his arrows, did he?

  Auntie : Ah, well, *they* were stamped with his own address; the postman delivered them back.

  Billy Hardcastle : Crafty! So how come he sold this amazing bow?

  Auntie : Arthritis. In his elbow. Affected his aim. Shot a traffic warden and had to flee from all the messages of congratulation.

  Billy Hardcastle : Is it a good free table lamp? The wife wants summat different.

  Auntie : Well, the difference is you'll have your bow.

  Billy Hardcastle : Tha can't argue with sound logic.