Sleuth (2007)

Michael Caine: Andrew Wyke

Photos 

Quotes 

• Milo Tindle : Maggie never told me you were... such a manipulator. She told me you were no good in bed, but she never told me you were such a manipulator.

  Andrew Wyke : She told you I was no good in bed?

  Milo Tindle : Oh, yes.

  Andrew Wyke : She was joking. I'm wonderful in bed.

  Milo Tindle : I must tell her.

• Andrew Wyke : I take a strictly moral position on all this. My wife is an adulteress. Actually, she should be stoned to death.

• Andrew Wyke : I understand you're fucking my wife.

  Milo Tindle : That's right.

  Andrew Wyke : Right... Yes, right. So, we've cleared that up.

  Milo Tindle : We have.

  Andrew Wyke : I thought you might have denied it.

  Milo Tindle : Why would I deny it?

  Andrew Wyke : Well, she is my wife.

  Milo Tindle : Yes, but she's fucking me.

  Andrew Wyke : Oh, she's fucking you too, huh? Well, I'll be buggered. Ha ha. Sorry.

  Milo Tindle : Yes, it's mutual.

  Andrew Wyke : You take turns?

  Milo Tindle : We fuck each other. That's what people do.

  Andrew Wyke : Yeah, yeah, yeah. I follow.

• Andrew Wyke : What sort of parts do you play?

  Milo Tindle : Killers, mostly. Sex maniacs, perverts.

• Milo Tindle : Where's the ladder?

  Andrew Wyke : What ladder?

  Milo Tindle : The ladder! Where's it gone?

  Andrew Wyke : It's not working. There was always a dodgy fuse on this. I'll phone the electrician in the morning.

  Milo Tindle : In the morning? What about now?

  Andrew Wyke : No, no, he'll be in bed. You know these country people, early to bed, early to rise. He's a nice chap, though. He's called Norman. Charming wife, Debbie. Three delightful kids. Oh, I just remembered. He's on vacation, he's taken the kids to Bermuda.

  Milo Tindle : What? So I'm stuck up here for the rest of my life?

  Andrew Wyke : Have patience. Stoicism is what's called for. Works wonders.

• Andrew Wyke : The shortest way to a man's heart, as I'm sure you know, is humiliation. It binds you together.

• [on Milo being an actor] 

  Andrew Wyke : Why have I never heard of you?

  Milo Tindle : You will before long.

  Andrew Wyke : Really?

  Milo Tindle : In spades.

  Andrew Wyke : That sounds threatening.

  Milo Tindle : Does it?

  Andrew Wyke : Doesn't it?

• Andrew Wyke : In this day and age, is marriage absolutely necessary? Isn't it a bit old-hat?

• Milo Tindle : You speak Dutch yourself, do you?

  Andrew Wyke : Yes, how did you know? I have a Dutch uncle.

  Milo Tindle : Can't see any Italian translations.

  Andrew Wyke : [Implying a double entendre]  No, they're a funny lot, the Italians. Culture isn't really their thing.

  Milo Tindle : Their salami's good though.

  Andrew Wyke : Oh, is it?

  Milo Tindle : Italian salami? Best in the world.

  Andrew Wyke : Did you bring any with you?

  Milo Tindle : No, I left it at home.

  Andrew Wyke : Oh, shame.

  Milo Tindle : We're gonna have if for supper tonight, with a couple of bottles of Valpolicella.

• Andrew Wyke : So you're not well-known.

  Detective Inspector Black : No, I'm a common-or-garden copper. Just catch sex criminals, perverts.

  [sniff] 

  Detective Inspector Black : Homicidal maniacs.

  Andrew Wyke : And what do you do with them when you catch them?

  Detective Inspector Black : I generally cut their balls off.

  [laugh] 

• Detective Inspector Black : Do you want to know my opinion of the newspapers?

  Andrew Wyke : What?

  Detective Inspector Black : Journalists are a bunch of prick-teasing cocksuckers.

  Andrew Wyke : No.

  Detective Inspector Black : That's right.

  Andrew Wyke : I'm sorry, but isn't that a contradiction in terms?

  Andrew Wyke : Is it?

• Andrew Wyke : What's your background?

  Milo Tindle : Me? Irish. Connemara. Spanish descent, by way of Uganda. My grandparents were slaves. My morther was a dark-eyed dusky beauty.

• Andrew Wyke : Faint heart never won fair lady

• Andrew Wyke : How did she describe him?

  Milo Tindle : Remote. Cold. Malevolent. Spiteful. Arrogant. Ruthless. Jealous. Paranoid. Criminal tendencies. Mentally unsound.

  Andrew Wyke : That's me, all right.

• [last lines] 

  Andrew Wyke : Goodbye, darling.

• [repeated line] 

  Andrew Wyke : I want to show you something.

• Andrew Wyke : A great branch broke off a big tree and - flew through the air, through the skylight - as you can see. Act of God.

  Detective Inspector Black : Had it in for you, did he?

  Andrew Wyke : Who?

  Detective Inspector Black : God.

  Andrew Wyke : Oh, yes, he's always been a vicious bastard.

  Andrew Wyke : You know what God's trouble is?

  Detective Inspector Black : What?

  Andrew Wyke : He has no father. He has no family roots. He's rootless. Nowhere to hang his hat, poor bugger. I pity him.

• Andrew Wyke : Oh, never trust in love, chum. Love will kick you up the arse as soon as look at you.

• Andrew Wyke : Why should I give her a divorce if you're both walking away with 88 pounds?

  Milo Tindle : She wants a legal settlement. She wants part of your estate.

  Milo Tindle : Never trust in legal justice. You know what legal justice is? It's farting "Annie Laurie" through a keyhole.

• [first lines] 

  Andrew Wyke : Yes?

  Milo Tindle : Andrew Wyke?

  Andrew Wyke : That's right.

  Milo Tindle : I'm Milo Tindle.