Monsters vs. Aliens (2009)
Kiefer Sutherland: General W.R. Monger
Photos
Quotes
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General W.R. Monger : [presenting a slide show about his monsters] Mr. President, say hello to Insectosaurus.
[a woman screams, dropping her tray with china]
General W.R. Monger : Miss Ronson, please. Nuclear radiation turned him from a small grub into a 350 foot tall monster, that attacked Tokyo. Here we have the Missing Link.
[Ronson screams and drops her tray again]
General W.R. Monger : A 20,000-year-old frozen fish man, who was thawed out by scientists. He escaped, and went on a rampage at his old watering hole. This handsome fellow is Dr. Cockroach, PhD., the most brilliant man in the world. He invented a scientific machine, that would give humans the cockroach's ability to survive. Unfortunately there was a side effect.
[Ronson screams again, cracking china]
General W.R. Monger : Now, we call this thing B.O.B.
[Ronson screams again, cracking china]
General W.R. Monger : WILL SOMEONE GET HER OUTTA HERE?
[off-camera sound of Ronson being taken away, cracking china]
General W.R. Monger : Thank you! A genetically altered tomato was combined with a chemically altered ranch-flavored dessert topping at a snack food plant. The resulting goop gained consciousness, and became an indestructible, gelatinous mass. And our latest addition: Ginormica.
[another scream, the same as Ronson's is heard, and it turns out to be the President's]
The President of the United States : [clears his throat] General, continue.
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Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : [building an atom bomb out of a plastic toy] Ah, Susan. You wouldn't happen to have any uranium on you? Just need a smidge.
General W.R. Monger : [on walkie-talkie] Rescind Dr. Cockroach's toybox privileges, immediately.
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General W.R. Monger : Don't think of this as a prison. Think of it as a hotel you never leave because it's locked from the outside.
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General W.R. Monger : We, er, had the prison psychologist redecorate your cell, try to keep you all calm like.
[the cell has a small "Hang in there" poster with a kitten on]
Susan Murphy : [on the verge of tears] But I don't want a poster. I want a real kitten, hanging from a real tree. I want to go home.
General W.R. Monger : Oh. come on, little Debbie, please don't cry, it makes my knees hurt.
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General W.R. Monger : This place is an X-file, wrapped in a cover-up and deep-fried in a paranoid conspiracy.
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The Missing Link : You see what I'm saying? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's ever getting out.
General W.R. Monger : Good news, monsters! You're getting out!
The Missing Link : Until today.
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Susan Murphy : Oh, thank goodness. A real person. You are a real person, right? Not one of those half person, half machine, whatever you call those things?
General W.R. Monger : A cyborg?
Susan Murphy : Oh, no! You're a cyborg!
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General W.R. Monger : Woo-whee! Now, that's a robot!
Susan Murphy : It's huge.
General W.R. Monger : Try not to damage it too much, monsters. I might want to bring it back to the farm.
Susan Murphy : No, no, no, no, wait! You didn't say anything about it being huge!
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General W.R. Monger : I'm not gonna kid you, Mr. President. These are dark times. The odds are against us. We need a Hail Mary pass! We need raw power! We need... monsters!
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General W.R. Monger : I've been your warden for close to fifty years. That's no longer the case. For what it's worth...
[he salutes]
B.O.B. : That's rude. What did we do?
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : No, B.O.B., that's not rude. That's a sign of respect.
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General W.R. Monger : Monsters, I'm so proud of you, I could cry, if I hadn't lost my tear ducts in the war. But not crying will have to wait. The world needs you again.
Susan Murphy : What is it, General?
General W.R. Monger : Seems a snail fell into a French nuclear reactor. As we speak, Escargantua is slowly making it's way to Paris.
Susan Murphy : Well, I've always wanted to go to Paris. Now who's with me?
The Missing Link : What do you say, Butterfly... osaurus?
[Butterflyosaurus roars, saying *yes*]
The Missing Link : We're in.
B.O.B. : I'm in!
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Count me in too.
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General W.R. Monger : Over the last 50 years, I have captured monsters on the rampage, and locked them up in a secret prison facility. So secret, that the mere mention of its name is a federal offense.
Advisor Cole : [to his table neighbor] Is he referring to Area Fifty...?
[is shot with a tranquilizer dart]
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[last lines]
The President of the United States : Everyone, let's welcome my new Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General W.R. Monger.
General W.R. Monger : Thank you, Mr. President. What a great way, sir, to celebrate my ninetieth birthday.
The President of the United States : Very good, Warren. All right, let's get it started in here. Nerd!
Advisor Wedgie : Gentlemen, I have assembled a preliminary budget estimate for the rebuilding of San Francisco.
The President of the United States : Zoinkers! This is gonna be a boring one. Good time for a cup of Joe. Warren, how do you take it?
General W.R. Monger : Hit me with a double venti organic, chocolate brownie, caramel frappucchino, extra hot with one inch of foam. Non-fat.
The President of the United States : You got it. Black it is.
[he pushes the nuke button by mistake, despite all the advisors shouting at him not to]
General W.R. Monger : My God, man! What have you done?
The President of the United States : Time to wave the white flag and head for the bunker, boys. Let's check on the situation in 500 years. Who wants to freeze my head?
