South Park (TV Series)

D-Yikes! (2007)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Mrs. Garrison, Mexican #1, Mexican #3, Clyde, Jimmy Valmer, Persian #2, Narrator, SNN News Reader, Xerxes, Betsy

Quotes 

• Ms. Garrison : Scissor Me Timbers!

• Ms. Garrison : Children I'm going to tell you something that you may find, well, a little strange.

  [sighs] 

  Ms. Garrison : I'm gay.

  Stan : [after a pause]  Again?

• Ms. Garrison : Mayor, this is an outrage! We are being discriminated against as lesbians!

  Mayor : [pause]  You're a lesbian now?

  Ms. Garrison : That's right, a proud lesbian.

• Persian Messenger : Look, we don't have to offer you anything. I don't know why your being so difficult, this is crazy!

  Ms. Garrison : No... this isn't crazy... THIS - IS - LESBOS!

  [in slow motion kicks the Persian Messenger in the balls] 

  Narrator : And so it had begun, by kicking the Persian Messenger in the balls. The Lesbos had sent a message

• Xerxes : Why are you lesbians being so difficult?

  Ms. Garrison : Because we're protecting the only home we have.

  Xerxes : I don't know why you have to be so super lame about this.

• Cartman : [whistling]  Kay Pasol! Kay Pasol!

  [Mexicans come forward] 

  Cartman : Alright, did you read the book?

  Mexicans : Si, si...

  Kyle : What was it about? In case our teacher asks us?

  Mexican #1 : It starts there the old man... and he job is to catch the feesh... so he get in the boat to try and catch feesh.

  Mexican #2 : So he catches feesh... but the feesh is very strong, so the old man can't reel in the feesh.

  Mexican #3 : So then he fight the feesh some more and he finally catch the feesh.

  Kyle : So he catches the feesh so he can make money?

  Mexican #1 : No... on the way home the sharks come and eat the feesh and so

  [takes off his hat] 

  Mexican #1 : ...he no make money.

  [Sniffs, other Mexicans take off their hats] 

  Stan : That's it? That's the whole story?

  Mexican #1 : Si...

  Cartman : Alright, did you write the four essays?

  Mexican #1 : Si, we all wrote eses for you

  Boys : Alright!

  Cartman : Let's have 'em!

  Mexican #3 : Have what?

  Kyle : You said you all wrote essays, where are they?

  Mexican #1 : Well, my ese lives in Miami.

• Ms. Garrison : Oh, you kicked me right in the pussy!

• Ms. Garrison : Stop scissoring me with your eyes!

• Ms. Garrison : Kid's I've got to tell you something that you might find shocking. I'm gay.

  Stan : Again?

• Ms. Garrison : Everyone sit down and SHUT THE FUCK UP!