South Park (TV Series)
D-Yikes! (2007)
Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Mrs. Garrison, Mexican #1, Mexican #3, Clyde, Jimmy Valmer, Persian #2, Narrator, SNN News Reader, Xerxes, Betsy
Quotes
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Ms. Garrison : Scissor Me Timbers!
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Ms. Garrison : Children I'm going to tell you something that you may find, well, a little strange.
[sighs]
Ms. Garrison : I'm gay.
Stan : [after a pause] Again?
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Ms. Garrison : Mayor, this is an outrage! We are being discriminated against as lesbians!
Mayor : [pause] You're a lesbian now?
Ms. Garrison : That's right, a proud lesbian.
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Persian Messenger : Look, we don't have to offer you anything. I don't know why your being so difficult, this is crazy!
Ms. Garrison : No... this isn't crazy... THIS - IS - LESBOS!
[in slow motion kicks the Persian Messenger in the balls]
Narrator : And so it had begun, by kicking the Persian Messenger in the balls. The Lesbos had sent a message
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Xerxes : Why are you lesbians being so difficult?
Ms. Garrison : Because we're protecting the only home we have.
Xerxes : I don't know why you have to be so super lame about this.
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Cartman : [whistling] Kay Pasol! Kay Pasol!
[Mexicans come forward]
Cartman : Alright, did you read the book?
Mexicans : Si, si...
Kyle : What was it about? In case our teacher asks us?
Mexican #1 : It starts there the old man... and he job is to catch the feesh... so he get in the boat to try and catch feesh.
Mexican #2 : So he catches feesh... but the feesh is very strong, so the old man can't reel in the feesh.
Mexican #3 : So then he fight the feesh some more and he finally catch the feesh.
Kyle : So he catches the feesh so he can make money?
Mexican #1 : No... on the way home the sharks come and eat the feesh and so
[takes off his hat]
Mexican #1 : ...he no make money.
[Sniffs, other Mexicans take off their hats]
Stan : That's it? That's the whole story?
Mexican #1 : Si...
Cartman : Alright, did you write the four essays?
Mexican #1 : Si, we all wrote eses for you
Boys : Alright!
Cartman : Let's have 'em!
Mexican #3 : Have what?
Kyle : You said you all wrote essays, where are they?
Mexican #1 : Well, my ese lives in Miami.
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Ms. Garrison : Oh, you kicked me right in the pussy!
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Ms. Garrison : Stop scissoring me with your eyes!
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Ms. Garrison : Kid's I've got to tell you something that you might find shocking. I'm gay.
Stan : Again?
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Ms. Garrison : Everyone sit down and SHUT THE FUCK UP!