Hey Dude (TV Series)

The Competition (1989)

Christine Taylor: Melody

Quotes 

• Danny Lightfoot : I didn't know, I was just following your directions.

  Benjamin Ernst : Yes, well something went wrong.

  Ted McGriff : What's wrong?

  Benjamin Ernst : Danny and I spent the whole day yesterday laying the 'Ernst line drawings,' my ad, you know, 'The best dude ranch in the west, bar none.'

  [Looking at Danny] 

  Benjamin Ernst : So today we went out three to check it out in a plane.

  Ted McGriff : And it still looked like a man on a pig, huh?

  Benjamin Ernst : No, that's not the problem.

  [Shows Ted a photograph] 

  Benjamin Ernst : This is the problem.

  Ted McGriff : [laughs]  'The best NUDE ranch in the west, bar none.'?

  Melody Hanson : [Brad and Melody walk up to the group and begin to laugh]  It gets cold out there at night in the desert.

  Benjamin Ernst : You see what I mean, it's a disaster!

  Ted McGriff : You know Mr. Ernst, I don't think anyone has seen it.

  Benjamin Ernst : Well I certainly hope not, now you and Danny get out there and change it, pronto. 'The best DUDE ranch in the west.' Oh My God. Why me?

  [Sits] 

  Benjamin Ernst : I try. I try.

  Female Nudist : [Two nudists arrive at the front office]  Excuse me, where do we register?

  Benjamin Ernst : Oh, right around here, at the front desk. Just ring the bell if nobody is there.

  [It takes a moment for Mr. Ernst to realize what he's just seen and his face freezes with a look of shock and dismay when the nudists walk past him] 

• Melody Hanson : Melody Hanson: My name's 'Cool M,' I work on a dude ranch. People eat so much you'd swear it's a food ranch. They eat lots of eggs, they eat lots of butter - enough cholesterol to make your whole heart flutter.

  Bradley 'Brad' Taylor : Mel, please... That's awful.

  Melody Hanson : What, flutter and butter?

  Bradley 'Brad' Taylor : No, the whole thing. It's too early in the morning, it's giving me a headache.

  Melody Hanson : You just don't understand rap. You're too old, you're out of touch.

  Bradley 'Brad' Taylor : Too old? Out of touch? I'm in touch!

  Melody Hanson : Okay, name two rap artists.

  Bradley 'Brad' Taylor : Alright. Let's see... Run DMV and, uh, LL Cool Bean.

• Ted McGriff : Watch your step.

  Melody Hanson : [blindfolded]  I'd love to watch my step. Frankly, I'd love to watch anything.

• Bradley 'Brad' Taylor : 384... 385... 386...

  Melody Hanson : [yelling in the distance]  Ted!

  Melody Hanson : 387... 783... 999... 1000. Ok, Bradley. Got your water. Got your knife. Got your... snake? Ted!