Ted Lasso (TV Series)

The Diamond Dogs (2020)

Brett Goldstein: Roy Kent

Photos 

Quotes 

• Keeley : I need to ask you something. So, the other day when you said you were too busy to text me back...

  Roy : Yeah, 'cause I was busy.

  Keeley : But you never told me what you were too busy with.

  Roy : Yeah, 'cause it was private.

  Keeley : Are you dating other people? It's okay if you are, it's just that I wanna know so I don't look stupid.

  Roy : It was yoga, okay? I do yoga with a group of women in their sixties. They have no idea who I am, it's twice a week, and it's really good for my core. Normally only takes an hour, but Maureen's just been going through a divorce and she needed to talk about it and blow off some steam. We all ended up at G-A-Y till two a.m. and then we had crêpes in Balham with some drag queens. Like I said, it's private.

• Nathan Shelley : Okay, so this is about you and Keeley, right?

  Coach Beard : Saw this coming.

  Higgins : Nothing like the early days of courtship.

  Roy : [bewildered]  Okay, this is my fucking nightmare.

  Ted Lasso : I think the idea of you and Keeley is like cookies and cream. And I think we all agree, two great tastes that go great together, right?

  Higgins : Yeah.

  Coach Beard : Perfect analogy.

  Roy : Yes, I am into her. But we all know who her ex-boyfriend is: the prince prick of all pricks. And I've got him stuck right in here.

  Higgins : I don't understand the problem.

  Nathan Shelley : I mean, Keeley's just so kind. You know, to be liked by someone like her must be... s'wonderful.

  Ted Lasso : Shout-out to the Gershwin brothers right there.

  Coach Beard : Fuck yeah, the Gershwins.

  Ted Lasso : But dang it, fellas, you're still not getting it!

  Roy : Thank you.

  Ted Lasso : Sure, Roy here has slept with a bunch of different people in his past. But Keeley's got her own romantic and sexual history that predates Roy. And that's not okay!

  Nathan Shelley : [beat]  Oh, he means the opposite. I love it when Coach does sarcasm.

  Roy : I can't control my feelings.

  Ted Lasso : Well, then, by all means you should let them control you.

  Higgins : He's doing it again!

  Ted Lasso : [smirks]  Good eye. Look, Roy, all this Chandler Bing-ing aside, do me a favor. Don't let her past muck around with y'all's future, okay?

  Roy : She slept with him last night.

  [pause] 

  Nathan Shelley : I mean, are you two officially dating?

  Roy : No.

  Higgins : Have you already slept together?

  Roy : No.

  Ted Lasso : Coach, you wanna bring this home?

  Coach Beard : Grow up... and get over it.

• Ted Lasso : Something on your mind?

  [Roy grunts] 

  Ted Lasso : Is that grunt all I get to go on? That's okay, I'll give it a shot here. Let's see. You are thinking about buying your first house. No, not that. Okay. You just realized your dad might be a little racist.

  Roy : Stop! He's in his 60s and he's from South London, of course my dad's a little racist! Look, me and Keeley might be starting up a thing, but every time I think about her, all I think about is Jamie fucking Tartt.

  Ted Lasso : Hoo wee! Sounds to me like someone's trapped inside life's most complicated shape: a love triangle. Second place, of course, is the I just walked in on my mother-in-law changing into her swimsuit dodecahedron.

  Roy : Does my face look like it's in the mood for shape-based jokes?

  Ted Lasso : No, Roy, it does not. But, in my defense, it rarely does.