Barbara Flynn: Jill Swinburne

Quotes 

• Jill Swinburne : The game is very simple. Spread a rumour that something awful is going to happen. Turns out to be a lie. You actually do something a little less awful. Instead of dumping the filth in the dales, you dump it in the outskirts of Sheffield or Newcastle or Liverpool. And we all think "That's rather good. At least they're not dumping it in the dales."

  Mr. Peterson : [nods agreement]  Hmm

  Jill Swinburne : What's a potentially nice human being like you doing in a cess-pit of a career like this Mr Peterson?

  Mr. Peterson : The truthful answer is rising slowly.

  [Slowly stands up] 

  Mr. Peterson : But rising.

• Jill Swinburne : [On the cassette tape containing the mysterious discussion relating to nuclear waste]  So you were supposed to pass the tape to Dave the Wimp but it got mixed up with Trevor's jazz tapes?

  John : Right.

  Jill Swinburne : And how did *you* get it?

  John : Through the post, anonymously. It was sent in a padded envelope.

  Jill Swinburne : And why was it sent to *you*?

  John : Ah - I don't suppose you've heard of the P.L.F.W.Y.?

  Trevor Chaplin : The P.L.F.W.Y.? What is it?

  John : Don't laugh - it's the Popular Liberation Front of West Yorkshire.

  Jill Swinburne : [She and Trevor stifle laughter]  I am not laughing but I've never heard of it. I thought I knew all the political loonies in the area!

  Trevor Chaplin : [Teasing]  Many of her best friends are poli...

  Jill Swinburne : [Interrupting]  Knock it off!

• Jill Swinburne : [She and Trevor appear to be heading towards Athens]  But we're supposed to be looking for the school trip!

  Trevor Chaplin : I never wanted to go on the school trip, so no problem!

  Jill Swinburne : You are wonderful!

  Trevor Chaplin : Isn't that what I keep telling you?

  Jill Swinburne : You're very bad at socks and underpants but give you a major crisis and you just shrug your shoulders and say 'Yes, that'll be alright, pet'!

  Trevor Chaplin : A jazz fan stays cool, baby, under all difficulties!

  Jill Swinburne : Athens! We'll be able to go to the Acropolis!

  Trevor Chaplin : Great! I haven't been to the pictures for ages!

• Trevor Chaplin : [He and Jill have ended up in the honeymoon suite of a hotel]  The bath is big enough for ten people! I paced it out.

  Jill Swinburne : We haven't come all the way to Edinburgh by way of Amsterdam for sexual perversion - we can get all that in Yorkshire!

• Jill Swinburne : [Finally acceding to Trevor's desire to use the honeymoon suite for its intended purpose]  Just promise me one thing: at the crucial moment, try not to shout 'Howay the lads!'

• Jill Swinburne : [Enjoying the apparent escape from surveillance]  This is nice!

  Trevor Chaplin : Not a man in a grey suit in sight!

  Jill Swinburne : You picked the thought right out of my head!

  Trevor Chaplin : Oh, if I want a good thought, I always know where to look!

  Jill Swinburne : Wow! A compliment after all these years!

  Trevor Chaplin : [Teasing]  Oh, I can bullshit with the best of them if I have to!

• Jill Swinburne : [Three pairs of Intelligence Services 'grey suits' have triangulated on to her and Trevor's position, Butch and Sundance style]  What we gonna do now, Butch?

  Trevor Chaplin : [Eyeing up the closest pair of 'suits']  Well if we wait here it will be six on to two. But if we meet two head-on, it will only be two on to two!

  Jill Swinburne : We are *not* going to get into a fight!

  Trevor Chaplin : Can't keep running away, Jill!

  Jill Swinburne : [Realising]  You've never called me 'Jill' before!

  Trevor Chaplin : Because I'm scared!

• Jill Swinburne : [Mysteriously]  Trevor, I want you to be very, very brave.

  Trevor Chaplin : You haven't made me a dentist's appointment?

  Jill Swinburne : No. You remember we packed in a hurry the day we set off for Holland?

  Trevor Chaplin : Yes.

  Jill Swinburne : And you remember that hot, passionate siesta in the honeymoon suite in Edinburgh?

  Trevor Chaplin : Where I did *not* say 'Howay the lads!'? Yes, I remember.

  Jill Swinburne : Well in the hurry to pack I forgot my pills and that plus the passionate siesta means... I'm pregnant.

  Trevor Chaplin : That's amazing!

  Jill Swinburne : I'm told it's some sort of miracle but...

  Trevor Chaplin : [Interrupting, referring to Jill's house]  No, I've been thinking we've got the place really nice - all the shelves are up - and I was going to suggest getting a dog! I've always fancied an Irish Setter...

  Jill Swinburne : [Exasperated]  Trevor!

  Trevor Chaplin : Well, how do you feel about it?

  Jill Swinburne : I want to have the baby. But what the hell sort of world is it to bring babies into? People telling lies about radiation because the truth's even worse, grey guardians following us around, standing on every corner, men who are proud of their violence.

  Trevor Chaplin : I'm new to childcare, pet, but I've watched other people - from a safe distance. Looks a very clean thing to do. So let's show the buggers, eh? Let's do the clean thing!

  Trevor Chaplin : [about to embrace but Jill looks behind him, over his shoulder]  It's alright, pet - I've checked. There's nobody watching.