30 Rock (TV Series)

Christmas Special (2008)

Tina Fey: Liz Lemon

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack : Christmas in the Donaghy house was awful. Haven't I told you about my mom's "yuletide" boyfriend, good ol' Frederick August Otto Schwarz III?

  Liz Lemon : F.A.O. Schwarz? Like the toy store?

  Jack : His family owned some toy stores, yes. So what?

  Liz Lemon : Jack, I think your mother put out on Christmas to get you kids presents. She did it for you.

  Jack : Not possible. She didn't do anything for us.

  Liz Lemon : I know you guys were pretty poor - did you have a lot of presents?

  Jack : [overcome with emotion]  You couldn't even see the tree!

• Liz Lemon : Hey, you don't know the Post Master General, do you?

  Jack : I do, but we had a falling out over the Jerry Garcia stamp. I mean, if I want to lick a hippie, I'll just return Joan Baez's phone calls.

• Pete Hornberger : It's gonna cost you a fortune to ship all of this.

  Liz Lemon : I'm taking it up there personally. I wanna see Deshante and Marcus's faces light up when they get it. Anyway, I gotta take this up to...

  [reads address] 

  Liz Lemon : 245th Street and Lawrence Taylor Boulevard.

  Tracy Jordan , Dot Com : [run to Liz]  No, no, no, no, no!

  Tracy Jordan : I will not let you go into that neighborhood alone, in the spirit of Christmas and Kwanzo.

  Liz Lemon : Kwanzaa.

  Tracy Jordan : And shalam-shizzam to you too, my sister. We'll go with you uptown. And remember, Dot Com, you are there to protect me, and not Liz Lemon.

• Jack : I hit her. Colleen. I hit her with my car.

  Liz Lemon : What? Oh, my god. Is she...?

  Jack : She's fine. Better than fine. They're giving her a titanium hip. Like the Terminator. It's only gonna make her more powerful.

• Liz Lemon : Hi, I would like to speak to whoever screens the letters to Santa.

  Irene : Then you better talk to that box.

  Liz Lemon : Maybe you could help me

  [misreads nametag] 

  Liz Lemon : , Tréné...

  Irene : Irene.

  Liz Lemon : I believe that I was the victim of a scam perpetrated through the mails, so...

  Irene : There's nothing we can do.

  Liz Lemon : I disagree. I think there are a lot of things we could do. I would like to access any census information you have for this address...

  Irene : No.

  Liz Lemon : In addition, I would like to speak to the letter carrier...

  Irene : You know we're closing in five minutes?

  Liz Lemon : ...who services this ZIP-plus-four.

  Irene : Never gonna happen.

  Liz Lemon : [whispers to Tracy]  Can you help me out with her?

  Tracy Jordan : Really? We're both black, so we must know each other?

  [steps to counter and recognizes Irene] 

  Tracy Jordan : Hey, Irene!

  Irene : Hey, Tracy!

  Tracy Jordan : Did Vicky hook you up with this job?

  Irene : [rolls eyes] 

  Tracy Jordan : Girl, you better stop!