User Reviews

I love independent cinema and I've always been a staunch supporter of home-grown talent.

Unfortunately, my first viewing from Dead Good Films Like Productions did not fill me with confidence for this studio's product. Perhaps indie cinema is best left to the US where the likes of Dustin Mills, Fred Vogel, Adam Ahlbrandt and many other talented individuals deliver something new and exciting to the genre.

Mr. Rape's First Date is embarrassingly bad. Amateurish in the extreme, without any redeeming features and clearly filmed around Blackpool (which doesn't resemble an apocalyptic wasteland), this is one that's best left alone. It's trying desperately to be arty in black and white but just looks cheap and nasty (and bad "nasty" at that).

I made the school boy error of investing in the limited edition blu-ray. Rubbish just looks twice as bad in high-definition. In future, I'll be less adventurous and listen to the warnings and fellow genre fans before pulling the trigger.

3 out of 10, simply because I'm feeling generous.

The letters stand for Mr Rape's First Date. Yes, I do watch some weird shizz. The story is: A weird man gains access to a young woman's domain, and sexually assaults her twice before she gets revenge by lopping his John Thomas off. As you do. This might have been an interesting psychological study, or god forbid even an efficient exploitation flick, if not for the following undeniable facts: 1. It's directed so shoddily that the supposedly graphic abuse scenes come off as laughable. Yes, I know it sounds sick to say, but this could pass off as a Monty Python sketch. And check out where she deprives him of his phallus. It's like she's cutting off of a bit of salami for a mid-meal snack. Oh. Dear.

2. As our unfortunate victim cries to the camera about what an ordeal she's been through and how it's changed her life, we should be moved beyond tears. Only we're not... for the simple reason, that along with the bargain basement director, we have a cast that were probably found scavenging the bins outside BBC drama centre. All the guy playing Mr Rape has to do is look slightly menacing, but he resembles someone who has a nasty toothache. Oops.

3. The Intro tells us the scenario is 'a future world' where all forms of entertainment have been eradicated, and humanity has never been happier or more prosperous. "Great" you think, and then when it's all over you realise this sci-fi setting adds NOTHING to proceedings at all. They might as well have dropped all this pretentious futuristic guff and just started with the masked maniac entering the girl's house. And shooting it in black and white doesn't make it artistic, either.

4. Notice up to this point I've neglected to refer to it as a 'film'. Well, ladies and gents, that's because the running time is around 40 minutes, which doesn't qualify it in my not-so-humble opinion. That's even with two ridiculously long credit sequences, AND a bit near the end where we watch almost the entire movie again on fast rewind. No, really. And we thought the female was the one being tortured.

5. Speaking about the credits, EVERYONE seems to be acknowledged with an alias, not their real name. Embarrassed by their contributions, were they? I wonder why...

The background to this heap of dung is its banned here in the UK and copies were handed out at cinema screenings, on DVD AND VHS. Saints preserve us! In 2013, no less. What's next, the Walkman making a comeback? The A-Team on our screens again? ZX Spectrum cassettes that take decades to load? 'Scuse me while I wallow in nostalgia...

I'm back now. That was fun. Using illicit means, I managed to obtain a copy of this on both formats, and before I sold it for mucho dosho I thought I'd have a little peek... And all I can say it, at least It'll be someone else's problem soon. Ugh... 0/10