Mom (TV Series)

Kimchi and a Monkey Playing Harmonica (2014)

Kevin Pollak: Alvin

Quotes 

• Christy : [sees the beer koozie on the doorknob]  Ugggh.

  [door opens, Alvin walks out] 

  Christy : Ugggh!

  Alvin : Nothing happened, Christy.

  Christy : Dad, I'm an adult, I know a sex beer koozie when I see one.

  Alvin : Well that might be, but still nothing happened. Your mom's a real classy lady.

  Christy : Since when?

  Alvin : About an hour ago.

• Alvin : So what're you gonna do, just call me every time something breaks around here?

  Bonnie : Pretty much.

• Alvin : Remember when we were teenagers and you conned your way into teaching at that Catholic school?

  Bonnie : Yeah, all it took was a Halloween costume and a propensity for hitting kids with a ruler.

• Bonnie : [making out]  I'm a little nervous.

  Alvin : So am I.

  Bonnie : I don't know why I should be, it's not like *any* part of me is still a virgin.

• Alvin : [bent down fixing a washer]  I know you're staring at my ass crack.

  Bonnie : [pulls up his shirt]  Yeah, it's a lot hairier than I remember it.