The Vampire Diaries (TV Series)

The Lies Will Catch Up to You (2017)

Ian Somerhalder: Damon Salvatore

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Quotes 

• Kai Parker : [in pain]  Oh, it feels like I'm being dragged back to Hell by my colon! I can't go back there! You're on fire all the time, and ghosts from your past come back to pull your skin off, and, occasionally, on really bad days, you go face-to-face with Cade, who is basically torture incarnate. This is all... metaphorical. Except for the fire, which is literal.

  [waitress brings napkin] 

  Kai Parker : Thank you.

  Damon Salvatore : That sounds rough.

  Kai Parker : Wait, wait, didn't you go there? Didn't you work with the Devil?

  Damon Salvatore : Oh, I saw enough to convince me. But my job with the sirens was my way to escape the real deal.

  Kai Parker : Ah, the sirens. Man, were they hot?

  Damon Salvatore : Sure. If you're into cannibal divas.

  Kai Parker : I think I am.

  Damon Salvatore : But the second you stop feeding them evil people, things get ugly. Also literal.

  Kai Parker : So, wait, that's what kept them going? Evil people?

  Damon Salvatore : Mm-hmm.

  Kai Parker : Oh, yes, yes, that is it, it's so... It makes so much sense! If Hell is fueled by evil, and I'm still a little bit in Hell, then maybe I can secure my footing here on Earth by, by killing a really bad person just like those sexy sirens did.

  Damon Salvatore : Did I mention I'm trying to preserve my future with Elena by *not* killing anyone?

  Kai Parker : [laughs derisively]  Damon, if you think that one more murder is gonna seal your fate, then I have news for you. You are super deep in the karma-hole.

  Damon Salvatore : I have an eternity to make up for what I've done.

  Kai Parker : [laughs, which turns into cough]  Yes, and who knows how long I have left?