The Good Place (TV Series)
Jeremy Bearimy (2018)
William Jackson Harper: Chidi Anagonye
Photos
Quotes
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Damon : [Chidi is in a daze after learning about the afterlife] Hey, you wanna talk to God?
Chidi Anagonye : "God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent?" Friedrich Nietzsche, 1882.
Damon : I was just trying to sell you some drugs and you made it weird!
[Runs off]
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Eeth Kurban : Professor, I can see that you're going through something, but exams are next week, so can you teach us anything?
Chidi Anagonye : All right, nerd. You want to learn something? I'll teach you something. I'm gonna teach you the meaning of life. How do you like them apples? Now, over the last 2,500 years, Western philosophers have formed three main theories on how to live an ethical life. Now, first off, there's virtue ethics. Aristotle believed that there were certain virtues of mind and character, like courage or generosity,
[cuts to Jason and Tahani at an opera house]
Chidi Anagonye : and you should try to develop yourself in accordance with those virtues.
Tahani Al-Jamil : The gift will be anonymous.
Chidi Anagonye : Next, there's consequentialism. The basis for judgment about whether something is right or wrong stems from the consequences of that action.
[Cuts to Jason and Tahani giving money away to strangers]
Chidi Anagonye : How much utility, or good, did it accomplish versus how much pain, or bad.
[Cuts to Eleanor returning a wallet]
Chidi Anagonye : And finally, there's deontology, the school of thought that there are strict rules and duties that everyone must adhere to in a functioning society. Being ethical is simply identifying and obeying those duties and following those rules. But here's the thing, my little chili babies, all three of those theories are hot, stinky cat dookie. The true meaning of life, the actual ethical system that you should all follow, is nihilism. The world is empty. There is no point to anything, and you're just gonna die. So do whatever. And now I'm gonna eat my marshmallow-candy chili in silence, and you all can jump up your own butts.
Mylie Kinogue : Is that gonna be on the test?
Chidi Anagonye : Yes. And, no. And you all get As. Or Fs. And there is no test. And you all failed it, and you all got As. Who cares? Good-bye.
[students leave, murmuring]
Chidi Anagonye : Good-byyyyye.
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Chidi Anagonye : And now I am gonna eat my marshmallow-candy chili in silence, and you all can jump up your own butts.
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Eleanor Shellstrop : [about the loopty-loop afterlife timeline that looks like a signature] Sorry. I'm... my brain is melting. How can events happen before the ones that happened before?
Michael : It's just the way it works. It's, it's Jeremy Bearimy. I don't know what to tell you. That's the easiest way to describe it.
Chidi Anagonye : Okay, but, um... what the hell is this? The dot over the I, what the hell is that?
Michael : Okay, um, how do I explain this concisely? This... is Tuesdays. And also July.
Janet : And sometimes it's never.
Michael : That's true. Occasionally that moment on the Bearimy timeline is the time-moment when nothing... never occurs. So you get it.
Chidi Anagonye : This broke me! The dot, over the I. That broke me. I'm, I'm done.
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Chidi Anagonye : [pacing] So, to sum up, there is a heaven and hell. We've been to hell, and now, no matter how good we are for the rest of our lives, we're going back to hell?
Michael : Again, it's not the classic Christian hell, but that's the gist, yes. As soon as you learned about the afterlife, your motivation to be good was corrupted. So you can't earn points anymore. So sorry for eternally dooming you.
Janet : And that's our bad, guys.
Tahani Al-Jamil : So all the attempts you made to torture us, we must have been in the afterlife for 100 years.
Michael : Almost 300, actually.
