The Good Place (TV Series)

Jeremy Bearimy (2018)

Judah Simard: Eeth Kurban

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Quotes 

• Eeth Kurban : Professor, I can see that you're going through something, but exams are next week, so can you teach us anything?

  Chidi Anagonye : All right, nerd. You want to learn something? I'll teach you something. I'm gonna teach you the meaning of life. How do you like them apples? Now, over the last 2,500 years, Western philosophers have formed three main theories on how to live an ethical life. Now, first off, there's virtue ethics. Aristotle believed that there were certain virtues of mind and character, like courage or generosity,

  [cuts to Jason and Tahani at an opera house] 

  Chidi Anagonye : and you should try to develop yourself in accordance with those virtues.

  Tahani Al-Jamil : The gift will be anonymous.

  Chidi Anagonye : Next, there's consequentialism. The basis for judgment about whether something is right or wrong stems from the consequences of that action.

  [Cuts to Jason and Tahani giving money away to strangers] 

  Chidi Anagonye : How much utility, or good, did it accomplish versus how much pain, or bad.

  [Cuts to Eleanor returning a wallet] 

  Chidi Anagonye : And finally, there's deontology, the school of thought that there are strict rules and duties that everyone must adhere to in a functioning society. Being ethical is simply identifying and obeying those duties and following those rules. But here's the thing, my little chili babies, all three of those theories are hot, stinky cat dookie. The true meaning of life, the actual ethical system that you should all follow, is nihilism. The world is empty. There is no point to anything, and you're just gonna die. So do whatever. And now I'm gonna eat my marshmallow-candy chili in silence, and you all can jump up your own butts.

  Mylie Kinogue : Is that gonna be on the test?

  Chidi Anagonye : Yes. And, no. And you all get As. Or Fs. And there is no test. And you all failed it, and you all got As. Who cares? Good-bye.

  [students leave, murmuring] 

  Chidi Anagonye : Good-byyyyye.