Ah! My Goddess: Bad Goddess The Anime Video Comic (TV Series)

The Bad Goddess Anniversary Special (2017)

Verdandi Nornir: Belldandy

Quotes 

• Disclaimer : The brutally honest views and opinions of Kevin from the Other Dimension are his own, and do not automatically reflect the opinions of the Kodansha staff members. This episode was made without their knowledge or consent. Sometimes satire stings, and sometimes it needs to be said no matter what the consequences.

  Kevin from the Other Dimension : Fuck my life... this one even makes ME nervous.

  Keiichi Morisato : Oh, man. It's so nice to get a vacation from the show now that Mara Marller has taken over.

  Belldandy : I know, usually Marller taking over would be a bad thing, but we hate Kevin from the Other Dimension's bad writing choices so much, that we'd rather watch him waste them on Marller.

  Peorth : Uh, Keiichi...

  Keiichi Morisato : Oh, hi Peorth. What are you doing here?

  Peorth : I kind of need to talk to you in private.

  Belldandy : Really? About what?

  Peorth : This is just a personal matter between me and Keiichi.

  Keiichi Morisato : A personal matter?

  Peorth : You know... about the "other night".

  Keiichi Morisato : What other night?

  Peorth : No, seriously. Don't make me drag this out in front of Belldandy.

  Belldandy : But Peorth, you know if you have a problem, you can always talk to us about it.

  Peorth : Are you sure?

  Belldandy : Oh, absolutely.

  Keiichi Morisato : Of course, Peorth. Belldandy and I don't keep secrets.

  Peorth : I'm pregnant.

  Keiichi Morisato : Buh, buh, buh...

  Belldandy : Oh, Peorth! That's so wonderful! Have we met the father yet?

  Peorth : Kind of.

  Keiichi Morisato : Yes, yes. Who is the father?

  Peorth : Well, he's definately Japanese.

  Keiichi Morisato : Oh, no... no, no, no...

  Belldandy : What is it, Keiichi? Do you know who the father is?

  Keiichi Morisato : BUT IT CAN'T BE... IT JUST CAN'T BE... HOW COULD SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN?

  Belldandy : Silly Keiichi. Didn't they teach you sex education in school?

  Keiichi Morisato : No, I mean, HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?

  Belldandy : Well, she DOES dress provocatively.

  Peorth : BELLDANDY, ARE YOU REALLY THIS FUCKING CLUELESS, OR DO YOU JUST DO IT TO ANNOY ME?

  Belldandy : I'm sorry... I don't understand.

  Keiichi Morisato : I understand... it's me, isn't it?

  Belldandy : What do you mean, it's you?

  Peorth : Keiichi is the biological father.

  Belldandy : But... but... but...

  Keiichi Morisato : No, really, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

  Peorth : You know that other night we went out drinking... and then you passed out and didn't remember anything the next morning?

  Keiichi Morisato : OH... THAT night.

  Peorth : Yes. THAT night.

  Belldandy : Keiichi... you didn't...

• Peorth : Oh, he did it all right... with a vengeance.

  Keiichi Morisato : Well, what are we going to do about this?

  Peorth : WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS?" ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH TO STEP UP AND RAISE THIS CHILD OR NOT?

  Belldandy : Oh my god... that's right. We're goddesses. Abortion is unthinkable in our culture.

  Urd : I'll tell you exactly what Keiichi is going to do. HE'S GOING TO DIVORCE MY SISTER!

  Keiichi Morisato : NO! I DON'T WANT TO DIVORCE BELLDANDY! OUR MARRIAGE ISN'T OVER, WE CAN STILL WORK THIS OUT!

  Belldandy : Keiichi, this marriage was over the minute you gave in to Peorth. It cuts me through the heart like a knife to say this... but I feel that you must take full responsibility for your own actions.

  Urd : On top of which, you completely deserve it. It's not that hard to avoid getting pregnant. Adult film actresses manage to avoid it all the time. If they sucked at it as badly as you do, they wouldn't have careers. There's this fancy birth control method that's been around for centuries, long before condoms. It's called "Pulling Out". If you're too stupid to perform the simple menial task of "Pulling Out", then you completely deserve what just happened.

  Keiichi Morisato : Oh my god... this is a nightmare... I've become the victim of a SHOTGUN WEDDING!

  Peorth : Excuse me... YOU'RE NOT THE VICTIM! I AM, YOU STUPID FUCK! I'm the one who carries this child! I'm the one who has to raise it if you're not up to the job! It's not like you can just return the fucking baby to WALMART if you're not satisfied!

  Belldandy : So what's it going to be, Keiichi? Are you going to weasel your way out of this like you do everything else in life... or are you going to be a man and take responsibility?

• Doctor What : Perhaps I can be of assistance...

  Keiichi Morisato : DOCTOR WHAT! OH THANK GOD! I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE HAPPY TO SEE YOU IN MY LIFE!

  Doctor What : What are you talking about? I'm not here to help you. Fuck you, Morisato. I'm here to move the process along to help HER.

  Keiichi Morisato : But... but...

  Doctor What : Hey, man, I know I got magical powers when it comes to helping people and giving advice... but even with all of my amazing abilities, even I don't have the ability to "Unscrew the Lightbulb".

  Urd : How were you planning on helping us then, Doctor?

  Doctor What : Well, not many people know this... but in addition to being a real doctor, a movie star, and having the secret identity of a time lord on public access... I'm also a priest. I can perform this marriage in a lickity split, just like that.

  Belldandy : But we have to get divorced first.

  Doctor What #2 : Perhaps I can be of assistance.

  Keiichi Morisato : Buh, buh, buh...

  Belldandy : Aren't you both supposed to be the same person?

  Doctor What : We don't see the family resemblence.

  Keiichi Morisato : OKAY! DOCTOR WHAT NUMBER TWO! WHAT'S YOUR SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM!

  Doctor What #2 : My solution? Fuck you, Morisato. I didn't come here to help you, I came here to help HER. I know I have these magical abilities of persuasion and special advice... but even with all of my powers, even I don't have the ability to "Unscrew the Lightbulb".

  Urd : Okay, Doctor What Number Two... How were you planning on helping us?

  Doctor What #2 : Well, not many people are aware of this, but, in addition to being a famous horror actor, and suspected but never proven gay erotica adult film icon, I also happen to work for a law firm. I can help move along the process of Belldandy and Keiichi's divorce.

  Skuld : As fucked up as this sounds... watching Keiichi divorce my sister because he landed himself into a shotgun wedding situation may be the most entertaining spectacle I've ever seen.

• Megumi Morisato : Oh my god! I just heard the news! Keiichi, are you really going to divorce Belldandy and marry Peorth because of an unplanned pregnancy? What would Mom and Dad think? Everybody is going to call this a shotgun wedding!

  Skuld : Oh, it's much worse than that. Being that we're eternally youthful goddesses, has anybody picked up over the years that Keiichi is approaching his early fifties and Peorth ironically looks like she's eighteen?

  Keiichi Morisato : What does that have to do with anything? We're both grudgingly but consenting adults.

  Megumi Morisato : Well, let's put it this way... it kind of brings a Woody Allen vibe down on the whole affair.

  Keiichi Morisato : Megumi... how can you say that? Woody Allen married his ex-girlfriend's adoptive daughter. This is not the same situation.

  Megumi Morisato : Oh, no, that's not what I'm referring to. You see, when Woody Allen first released a movie called Manhattan in 1979, everybody applauded the movie. But then that whole affair about him and his wife got blown out of purportion in the media, and mislead people to believe that Woody Allen had raised her as a child... which he didn't. He never even met her until she was an adult. But the damage had been done. It caused everybody to re-evaluate Woody Allen's fictonal relationship with seventeen year old Mariel Hemingway in Manhattan, and they all freaked out pointing fingers, saying that the warning signs were in the movie all along. The fucked up part about everyone passing judgment, is, that it's now decades later and Woody Allen is still happily married to her.

  Keiichi Morisato : Megumi, you're losing me here. This is not the same thing.

  Belldandy : Keiichi, I think she's referring to that Paradise Residence manga that you've been working on as a hobby. I told you not to draw all of those nudie shots of high school girls in the bath scenes... but you said it would help sell more copies. Now it appears that people are going to look back on that differently.

  Skuld : That doesn't surprise me. I always knew Keiichi Morisato was perverted. Did anyone notice there was an upskirt shot of Takanashi, where you could see the outline of her tampon through her underwear?

  Keiichi Morisato : But this is all irrelevant. I don't care about what society thinks of me.

  Megumi Morisato : Yeah, well, like Mara Marller said in the Bad Goddess Fan Club: "They have a name for valiant fifty year old knights in shining armor that marry virginal twenty year old goddesses... the name kind of escapes me now, but I think it starts with a P and rhymes with Crocodile."

  Keiichi Morisato : I really wish Kevin from the Other Dimension hadn't made that joke. That made me cringe.

• Belldandy : Oh, Keiichi, there's one other thing. When this whole mess is over... Doctor What Number Two and I are going to sue you for emotional damage. This whole thing is seriously stressing me out. And as a Goddess of Fate... I sincerely DO NOT LIKE BEING STRESSED THE FUCK OUT!

  Peorth : So, Keiichi... are you ready to step up to the plate and be a father. Because in the end, none of this distracting gossip bullshit matters. All that matters now is OUR child. Not the media, and not your firends and family... just OUR child.

  Keiichi Morisato : Oh my god... all of these years, I've been avoiding having children with Belldandy... and for what? It happened to me anyways.

  Belldandy : But Keiichi, why did you avoid having children with me? What were you so afraid of?

  Keiichi Morisato : Because I'm older now... and the thought of having a child that I might not live long enough to see reach adulthood... the thought of that kills me right down to my core. Think of all the life events I would be missing... I'm scared Belldandy. I don't know if I can take that. And now I have no choice... and it's with another woman...

  Doctor What : So maybe everybody who's watching this should take a fucking chill. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's on the internet, so let's all make fun of a man's life and kick him while he's down. In the end, none of you matter in this man's private life. Because she's the one who goes to bed with him. She's the one who makes him happy. And she's the one who raises his child. You're just the people who buy his art. Does that mean you've bought his heart and soul as well? Everybody deserves the chance to settle down. The writing is on the wall. The sum of his life's work is out there for all to see. So let him enjoy his family life, because life is too short and precious to waste.

  Kevin from the Other Dimension : To Kosuke Fujishima. Life happens... and love isn't always pretty. So you better learn to laugh at yourself, for it is better to laugh with everyone than to be laughed at to the point of depression. So be sure to have yourself a "Super Happy Fun Time Marriage for a Lifetime"... and don't let the assholes of the internet tabloid gossip world get your down. Sincerely, Doctor What.