Ah! My Goddess: Bad Goddess The Anime Video Comic (TV Series)

You're Under Arrest: A Few Bad Apples (2018)

Alan Smithee: Doctor What

Quotes 

• Doctor What : So... you want me to take you and your fellow officers back in time, so you can catch a Cop Killer that you ALREADY have in custody BEFORE he commits the murders?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Yes, Doctor. That is EXACTLY what I want you to do. If we can't use the Tardis to save lives, then what does it exist for?

  Doctor What : Saving lives is one thing, but this sounds like it happened stretched out over a decade. Stopping something that affected so many people that far back in time could come with serious consequences.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : This fucking creep murdered several of our officers in cold blood... you're the only person that can help undo this.

  Doctor What : That's right, Natsumi. And while we're at it, why don't we just send me back in time to stop EVERY crime ever committed. God forbid that we should live in a society where every person is arrested for a crime they haven't committed yet. Did you not see Minority Report?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : So... you're just going to sit back and LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT?

  Doctor What : NO! That's NOT what I said! Listen to me. If we start using the time machine in this manner, then where is it going to end?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Oh, it gets EVEN better. All of the fallen officers were investigated for corruption.

  Doctor What : INVESTIGATED FOR CORRUPTION? But that would mean if we went through with your plan and theoretically saved them, then they would be allowed to go on and possibly hurt more people. Are you sure it wasn't BAD KARMA that got them?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : No, Doctor. Now you're the one that's not listening. I said they were INVESTIGATED for corruption... NOT CONVICTED. How do you know that some of those officers weren't innocent and falsely accused? Would you let the Innocent be punished with the Guilty just to take down A Few Bad Apples?

• Titles : BOKUTO POLICE STATION, MARCH 4TH, 2018

  Officer Ken : So... you're saying that this guy, allegedly has the power to take us back in time to stop The Bone Fucker, BEFORE he went on his killing spree, and he DOESN'T want to co-operate? What a dick.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : No... Doctor What immediately got angry because he shares the same outrage as that of the general public from watching all of the incidents in the local news. He doesn't understand how we've all sacrificed our personal lives for our jobs. The local news has the general public thinking we're all a bunch of monsters, when most of us are just normal everyday people working a dayjob. We are all taking the punishment for that of A Few Bad Apples.

  Doctor What : No, Natsumi... I just don't know what to make of this situation. It's 'Damned If I Do' and 'Damned If I Don't'. But I know one thing is certain... It is NOT RIGHT to sit back and let The Bone Fucker win. Not in this manner. Everyone deserves a fair trial regardless of whether they are found guilty or innocent.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : So you're really going to help us?

  Doctor What : Yes... but now comes the REAL problem. How do we find out where all of this started at the very beginning to stop this guy?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : We were thinking we might be able to provoke The Bone Fucker into a confession in a heat of anger. And to help get this reaction. I've called in a few favors to bring in Darrell Wilson as the bait.

  Doctor What : Wait, who?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Darrell Wilson... you know...

  Doctor What : You mean... that guy that sparked all of those riots in Ferguson? THAT Darrell Wilson?

  Officer Ken : You got a problem with that, Doctor? If it pisses you off so much, imagine what it'll do to The Bone Fucker.

• Darrell Wilson : Oh Hey Guys... am I late?

  Doctor What : Uh... that's NOT Darrell Wilson.

  Darrell Wilson : What are you talking about? Of course, I'm Darrell Wilson.

  Doctor What : Darrell Wilson... the cop...

  Darrell Wilson : I AM a cop. And my name IS Darrell Wilson.

  Officer Ken : The Chief's orders were to send out a message to bring in a cop named Darrell Wilson. THAT IS the Darrell Wilson that they sent us.

  Doctor What : Yeah, but it's NOT the fucking Darrell Wilson that WE needed!

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Well, how the fuck were we supposed to know? We were living in Japan when that Ferguson shit went down.

  Darrell Wilson : Wait, wait, wait... you're telling me that the entire reason you called me all the fucking way out here is because you THOUGHT I was that prick that started the Ferguson Riots? Do you know how often I get mistaken for that fucking asshole? My career was damn near ruined just because we looked similar and we had the same name.

  Officer Ken : But that doesn't make sense. We saw your interviews in the news.

  Darrell Wilson : Well, duh... my personal life suffered so much because of that piece of shit, that finally I just said 'Fuck It' and took one of his interview offers. It wasn't all that hard either. I just had to spout racist bullshit like, "He looked at me like a Demon." I made a healthy hunk of change off of that son of a bitch. But did it fix my life? No... it only made it worse.

  Doctor What : Gee whiz... who'd have thunk it...

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : It made your life worse? How so?

  Darrell Wilson : You ever see the movie, Brewster's Millions? I had so much money that I didn't know what to do with it all. So I just started going out and spending. And for the first month or so, it was all good. But then I started to get bored... Lobster. Every day... Lobster... I've had so much fucking Prime Rib and Lobster that it's fucking bleeding out my ears.

  Officer Ken : Gee... I wish I could have a Prime Rib and Lobster.

  Darrell Wilson : Oh, it sounds enticing, doesn't it? But I'd compare eating Prime Rib and Lobster every day to a bag of potato chips. You know, you eat that first chip, and it's delicious, but by the time you finish the bag, the taste has diminished.

• Natsumi Tsujimoto : Look, you son of a bitch. We need to get some answers out of a COP KILLER! And the MOTHERFUCKER doesn't want to CO-OPERATE with us.

  Doctor What : Natsumi... maybe all ISN'T lost. If nobody can tell the difference between the two Darrell Wilsons, then perhaps The Bone Fucker can't tell either.

  Darrell Wilson : Oh, whoa, hey, I'm not fucking any Bones, man. What exactly were you planning to do with me, anyways?

  Officer Ken : We're going to throw you in a confession room with a Serial Killer and let you... well... Let's just say we want you to be yourself.

  Doctor What : I think what Officer Ken is trying to say here is... you just do, whatever it is, you do.

  Darrell Wilson : You really think that could work?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Believe me... if you tell him exactly what you told all of us... that will be enough.

• Darrell Wilson : But then I started to get bored... Lobster. Every day... Lobster... I've had so much fucking Prime Rib and Lobster that it's fucking bleeding out my ears.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : I don't understand... It's not working...

  Doctor What : Oh, it will soon enough, Natsumi. It will soon enough... have patience.

  The Bone Fucker : You didn't sincerely believe you could get me to talk using this idiot, did you?

  Darrell Wilson : I'd compare eating Prime Rib and Lobster everyday to a bag of potato chips. You know, you eat that first chip, and it's delicious, but by the time you finish the bag, the taste has diminished. In a way, it also reminds me of the difference between Good Sex and Bad Sex.

  The Bone Fucker : Please stop.

  Darrell Wilson : You know... a blue chip hooker gives you a blowjob... and at first, it's the greatest blowjob you've ever had. But try getting that blowjob everyday. It gets diminished, I tell you. Having cheap sex, day in and day out.

  The Bone Fucker : For the love of fucking God. No more... please... no more...

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Oh my God... I think he's finally starting to get to him.

  Doctor What : Yeeeeesss... Yes... Work your Magic, Darrell Wilson. Work your Magic.

  Darrell Wilson : And then he looked at me, like a Demon. And I said, "No." I said "No, sir." But did he listen? I think not. And now I cry myself to sleep every night having hot hate sex on a great big pile of money. Oh, the humanity of it all.

  The Bone Fucker : ENOUGH! ENOUGH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I MAY BE VICIOUS, BUT I'M NOT THAT HEARTLESS! What does it matter anymore... What's done is done...

  Doctor What : It appears The Bone Fucker has fallen right into our trap.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : So what's our next move?

  Doctor What : Let's go back to the beginning and find that fucking son of a bitch.

• Doctor What : And that's pretty much how it all went down. We travelled back in time, found The Bone Fucker, and tried to bring him to justice.

  Lind : So... I have a question... How were you able to press charges against The Bone Fucker if you stopped him BEFORE he committed the crimes?

  Doctor What : That's the problem... we couldn't... so we brough him to you instead.

  Lind : WAIT... YOU BROUGHT HIM HERE?

  The Bone Fucker : And I'd have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids and your stupid japanese girlfriend.

  Doctor What : Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say.

  Lind : Doctor... we CANNOT arrest this guy if he hasn't committed any crimes. Did you not see the movie, Minority Report?

  Doctor What : You don't have to arrest him. We just have to dump him somwhere in another dimension, far away from the people he was going to attack.

  Lind : But if he really did what you alleged him to have done, what's to stop him from going out and doing it again?

  Doctor What : Oh, don't worry... I know somebody that would love to play with this fucking guy...

  The Bone Fucker : Oh, I'm shaking in my boots. Seriously... you're going to leave me stranded in an episode of The Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby Doo?

  Alucard : Oh, it's worse than that. You're in an episode with me.

  Doctor What : I'm sure that you and your new buddy, Alucard, will get along just fine. And true to my word, we DID NOT lock you away for a crime you haven't committed yet.

  Alucard : So... I hear you thought you were judge, jury, and executioner to take out a bunch of allegedly corrupt police officers. Well, it just so happens that I also like to play judge, jury, and executioner. And I see very little difference between you and one of my usual ghouls.

  The Bone Fucker : Carmen Sandiego? Is that you?

  Sound Effect : Offscreen Gunshot.

  Doctor What : Let's go home... I've had enough blood on my hands for one day.