Reviews

1994: A young filmmaker, from New Jersey of all places, unleashes what is essentially his life story. A raw, explicit, frank and hysterical film, "Clerks." Refreshed the thought of what an "independent" film should be, and created an instant star of its creator, Mr. Kevin Smith.

Flash forward 10 years, in 2004, fresh from numerous critical and fan supported successes, Kevin Smith brings us "Jersey Girl". What he said was an attempt to tell a story about his feelings of fatherhood, it was later admitted by the director himself that the film was heartfelt, but intentionally watered down and held back from his usual frank and genuine dialogue.

Now, 2 years after the mess that was "Jersey Girl", Mr. Smith returns to his roots to tell a story about life in your 30's, "Clerks II". The movie is flat out fall on the floor hysterical, but much like "Jersey Girl" was forced into its softer approach, "Clerks II" feels really forced to be raunchy and provocative.

Plot line is this: 10 years after the events we witnessed in "Clerks.", Dante Hicks reports to work at the Quick Stop to find it on fire. We then flash forward a couple years and see that both Dante and his friend Randal Graves employed at fast food joint Mooby's. Dante is engaged to a woman who's more than a bit hyperactive and pushy (Jennifer Schwalbach-Smith), yet he's in love with his manager, played by the lovely Rosario Dawson.

Hijinks ensue from there, everything from Jay and Silent Bob's transition into sobriety, the much publicized donkey show, and finally, a smartly-written and deep conversation leading to the conclusion of this one. However, the aforementioned sequence is the ONLY time we get the trademark smart dialogue from any of the characters. Most of the time, it's a stream of highly off color (but hysterical) one liners strung together to form a loose plot. While the movie is funny enough to be a successful comedy, "Clerks." was more than a dick and fart joke film, the characters were deep and well crafted, and we were quickly able to relate and feel for the characters. We really don't have that ability in "Clerks II" and it really shows in the way its played.

I jumped aboard the Kevin Smith bandwagon way back when, and I feel the need to say….Kevin, going back to your roots takes more than shock factor, don't force it, let it flow. Character and dialogue carried you, those are your roots. 2.5 out of 5

"Stick it" was heavily marketed as one of those "from the people who brought you" type movies. In this case, the snappy and intelligent "Bring It On" was the film in question. Well, "Stick It" is really a carbon copy of its superior sibling. When I say carbon copy in this case, I mean virtually the same story, but with certain plot elements changed, much like the carbons in your checkbook record what you write, but do so on a messier, less attractive scale. In "Bring It On", we had Missy as the sidekick to our protagonist, Torrance. In "Stick It", the sidekick becomes protagonist, in the form of Haley Graham (Missy Peregrym). What we don't have is the smart writing and clever humor that Jessica Bendinger (who also directed this one) brought to BIO. Neither do we quite have the excitement. Bendinger's "gymnastics-off" in this one damn sure isn't Clovers vs. Toros, nor do we have that feeling of wonder watching the underdog. In fact, "Stick It" is much more by the book, and you can practically know whats going to happen just by listening to Haley's voice overs. Plot line is kinda basic, former gymnastics prodigy Graham walks out on the world stage before millions, and turns to a life of rebellion. She gets arrested for one stunt, and is given a choice…military academy or a competitive gymnastics club. She chooses military and the judge (played by Polly Holliday..better known to a generation as Florence Jean Castleberry, or Flo for short) gives her gymnastics. There she runs into the latest group of hopefuls, led by the conceited and under talented Joanne (played kinda fun by the adorable Vanessa Lengies). The once great but now injured coach cliché is filled in kinda nicely by Jeff Bridges. Overall, most of the cast fill their leotards well and don't offer much more than that. Oh yeah, we had more than our fair share of nubile female flesh in this one, but that sexy skin isn't close to enough to carry this movie. Gotta have a story, gotta have decent characters, and gotta lose the silly clichés to make a film interesting! "Stick It" tried to be a copy of the stellar "Bring It On", but copying its storyline, losing its heart and humor, and trying to use flesh as replacement, it failed on a massive scale. 1.5 out of 5

But still a fun watch. "Stealth" is, in spite of its completely predictable plot and below average performances, a fun watch whose special effects and fast paced airborne sequences keep your attention. Granted, it takes awhile for those to get going, but once they do …wow is it something to see. Not in "Top Gun" territory, but plenty to please the eye.

Plot line is this, given the rapid fire changes involved in the war on terror, the US Navy begins a top secret program involving new fighter jets and the 3 best pilots (Josh Lucas, Jessica Biel and Jamie Foxx) available. After their last successful training mission, they and their superplanes are sent to a carrier assignment for extra training with their new wingman. This wingman is a computer controlled fighter plane known as EDI. Able to learn from watching human actions, EDI becomes self-aware after a lightning strike and makes the next mission a nightmare when he disobeys orders and completes a risky mission. Then, he studies his files and goes on a mission that could start World War III. Of course, naturally, there's a sleazy officer looking to cover his own tail…and it's up to our three heroes to recover the renegade drone.

Hadn't heard of Josh Lucas prior to this, but if this is indicative of his work, I haven't missed much. His Lt. Ben Gannon is way too arrogant for his own good, and in all truths, his actions would get him grounded and likely court-martialed in the real life US Navy. I'm really tired of the pretty boy, two days growth of beard, follow the orders I want to follow US Navy pilots we see in films of this nature. I realize that it makes a more interesting story, and Navy pilots are among the most arrogant in society, but I'd kill to see a realistic portrayal of our Navy fliers. Jamie Foxx isn't any better, following up a masterstroke performance in "Ray" with a pilot character that makes Gannon seem downright tame. Jessica Biel, while an amazingly beautiful woman and a reasonably talented actress, mails this one in as well…..Lt. Kara Wade just never engrosses me and she's given a lame romantic subplot to deal with. Not that there's any subtlety in that plot, as you see it plainly as soon as they try to introduce it.

Other performances include a pretty decent turn by Sam Shepard as Capt. George Cummings, designer of the squadron and planes, he's got a lot riding on it's success and will do anything to ensure it happens. Joe Morton chimes in as Capt. Dick Marshfield, the commanding officer of the USS Abraham Lincoln (CVN 72..shown correctly at first, but in a later bow shot, magically becomes the USS Carl Vinson, CVN 70) who has to deal with the ramifications caused by these planes. Shepard has the best character in this one, and handles it well.

"Stealth" is a fun way to kill two hours, the aerial sequences are great and the special effects are outstanding. You never care too much about the characters, story or events in spite of the lame and obvious plot twist that leads into the last third of the film, and that's before the second lame and obvious plot twist that leads into the close, but as long as you don't look too deep below the surface, and know what you're walking into, "Stealth" is a fun diversion.

2 ½ out of 5

George A. Romero is called the "father of the zombie movies"…and he really shows his muscle here. "Land of the Dead" is a darkly comic, satirical, and savage entry to his dead series. Running zombies? Nothing compared to the horror caused by Romero's "thinking" zombies. The next step in zombie evolution from "Day"'s Bub, this army is being led by "Big Daddy" (Eugene Clark), and they don't just want to methodically hunt you down and eat you, they want to figure out the most efficient way of doing it.

Plot line is this: Sometime after the zombie nightmare began (timeline begins with "Night" with no explicit dateline), a group of entrepreneurs, led by Charles Kaufman (a brilliant Dennis Hopper) creates a city designed to protect the living from the dead. Surrounded by rivers on two sides, and an electrified fence barrier on the other, the citizens attempt to return to a normal life. Kaufman and the other big wigs live in a palatial building called Fiddler's Green. Life is good there; they have restaurants, shopping, and beautiful homes while the rest of the people survive in squalor below. Getting these goods into the city however, requires risk…and Kaufman has built a massive tank-like vehicle, called Dead Reckoning, to go out in search of supplies. However, when this behemoth is commandeered by a member of its team with blackmail on his mind, Kaufman has to enlist the aid of its ex-commander and his small group of friends to save not only himself, but the whole of the city from the zombie hoards.

Acting is more than adequate. Simon Baker is a bit dry as Riley, but never detracts from the story and is more than capable of carrying it on his shoulders. Asia Argento gets a lot of billing, but has very little to do as Slack, a prostitute who ends up on Riley's team to recover Dead Reckoning. Robert Joy is Charlie, a man who has ended up as Riley's protector and friend, a man who needs Riley as much as Riley needs him. John Leguizamo is Cholo, the 2nd in Command of Dead Reckoning, and its hijacker once his dreams of living in Fiddler's Green are shattered. Annoying little weasel and a good characterization, first time I've ever really liked his work. Dennis Hopper plays Kaufman as smarmy and self important, and wow does it work. Great job by Dennis.

Gore? Oh yeah…."Land of the Dead" is possibly the goriest movie I've seen this year, and since George was allowed to shoot as if "Land" would be unrated, the DVD will be right up there with the previous films as far as shock factor. George shows these current, second-rate horror directors how the big boys do it…brilliant panoramic shots and unflinching shots of zombie carnage reminds you how brutal his films really are. The master is back! "Land of the Dead" is much like its older cousins, a brilliant social commentary (in this case, shielding yourself from the larger problems of the world) combined with stunning action, good characters and brutal violence.

4 ½ out of 5

And what a great hope it is! "High Tension" (Haute Tension) is a savage, brutal horror film that grabs you by the throat from the first second, and doesn't let go for 85 vicious minutes. Expertly directed by Alexandre Aja and skillfully acted by (mainly) Cecile De France, this French import will give you chills for hours.

Plot line is two college friends Alex (Maiween) and Marie (De France) head off for a quiet weekend of studying at Alex's family home in the remote countryside. Rather than getting that much needed quiet time, a night of sheer terror ensues. One by one, the family is savagely murdered, and Alex is abducted by the killer. Add to this a plot twist that will have you stunned and you've got the best horror film to come along in two decades.

Acting? Top notch, Cecile De France is stellar in her role, Marie is exactly what you'd expect from someone who found themselves in the situation that's unfolding around her. Maiween (Le Besco, but eschews the surname creditwise) does a spectacular job of portraying her fear and terror on screen. The film's murderer (I believe Philippe Nahon, but can't verify that from the IMDb's credit listings being in French) is the slow, methodical type…taking his time to ensure the job is done. Brilliantly terrifying as such precision being taken with such brutal murders seems almost inhuman.

In the US, we had a hybrid subtitled/dubbed version. The dubbing was not too distracting, but regardless of Lion's Gate feeling that 17-24 year olds don't go to movies to read, it really should have remained fully subtitled. Not much dialog throughout the film anyway, so it wouldn't have mattered much.

As we head into the heat of the summer season, it's good to see that two horror gems ("Land of the Dead" being the other) are holding the "non-Hollywood" horror banner high.

4 out of 5

And what a conclusion it is. "Revenge of the Sith" is a brilliantly constructed film that very neatly ties up all the loose ends from the previous 5 chapters. While it begins almost comically, it takes on a decidedly sinister tone once Anakin's corruption to the dark side begins to take hold.

Plot line is as follows. As the Clone Wars continue to rage, suspicion begins to fall on the Supreme Chancellor (as we all know it should). In response, Chancellor Palpatine (Darth Sidious….played masterfully by Ian McDarmid) begins his plan to subvert talented but troubled Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) to the realm of evil.

Acting was superb; Hayden Christensen did a superb job, and was quite believable as the once chosen one who finds himself willingly twisted towards evil, for what he thinks are good intentions. Natalie Portman takes a minor role in this one, as Padme' really doesn't offer much to the storyline in terms of acting (although her character and its future do), but as always, she lights up the screen. Ewan McGregor continues the growth of Obi-Wan Kenobi in the style of Sir Alec Guiness. Ian McDarmid handles his dual role with skill and ease. In fact, there's nothing at all I can say bad about anyone in this film.

Quite honestly, I failed to see where this movie deserved a PG-13 rating, as it's no more violent or intense than, say "Attack of the Clones" and with a lack of profanity, I'm not sure I understand the MPAA's decision, but without questions, the battle scenes in this one rival those of the previous 5 films all put together. This chapter clearly was the down note in this series, as evil triumphs, but what a ride it gives you.

5 out of 5

Zach Braff's directorial and writing debut with "Garden State" is an absolute masterstroke from a young man who, along with a talented supporting cast, has made "Scrubs" the premiere sitcom on TV today. This heartwarming and beautifully made film starts off a little slowly, but once it hits its stride, it soars high.

Mr. Braff stars as Andrew Largeman (Large to his friends), a struggling LA actor who's main claim to fame was starring as the "retarded quarterback" in a TV movie. Working at a Vietnamese restaurant and long estranged from his parents, Andrew receives a phone call one morning that forces him to confront his demons. His mother has passed away. He must now return home to New Jersey to not only bury his mother, but his estrangement from his father as well. Mr. Braff's vulnerability makes this role work, his innocent charm enhances it, and his increasingly hopeful delivery of the material sells it.

Natalie Portman (who was the first choice for the role, but Zach didn't think he could get her) graces us yet again with her timeless elegance, skill and beauty taking on the role of Sam. A once aspiring figure skater, her epilepsy and compulsive lying has led to a chance meeting and eventual romance with Andrew at a doctor's office. Such sweetness in this role, reminds me a lot of her "Beautiful Girls" character, only older. Once again, Natalie gives us a magnificent performance from the best actress of her generation.

Ian Holm plays Andrew's father, Gideon. Partially blaming Andrew for his wife's paralysis, Gideon has been trying to repair the 10 year rift between father and son. However, he has played Andrew's psychiatrist for so long, he seems to have forgotten how to talk to his son. Another well played, honest feeling role.

Peter Sarsgaard plays Mark, one of Andrew's childhood friends, Jean Smart plays his mother, the only two characters to offer much more to the proceedings, and both add wonderfully to the film.

"Garden State" is a brilliant film debut, it's well written and thoughtful story about growing up and dealing with the sometimes harsh realities of life never rings false, and after a slow beginning, picks up steam once Andrew returns home and realizes that life is far too short to live numb.

4 ½ out of 5

Yet, still a good watch.

"Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events" is based upon the books of the same name, and while my kids have read many in this series, I was somewhat surprised by it's very dark tone. Murder, including that of small children, borderline incest, and characters taken right out of our wildest dreams dot this film, and clearly director Brad Silberling and writer Robert Gordon wanted to out Burton Tim Burton.

Plot line, for those who don't know, concerns three siblings who are left orphaned by a mysterious fire. They are sent off to live with the closest relative, Count Olaf (poorly handled by an out of control Jim Carrey), who sees the children as nothing more than an obstacle to be removed in order to get the sizeable family fortune. Naturally, the children foil the Count's plans.

Acting is quite good, Emily Browning plays Violet, the eldest Baudelaire child. She's quite engrossing and interesting to watch. Good young actress and has a lot of potential in the future. Liam Aiken ("Stepmom") plays Klaus, the middle child…and as usual offers up a good performance. Good against Browning, but doesn't quite have the screen presence she does. Twins Kara and Shelby Hoffman play the scene stealing youngest Baudelaire child, Sunny. Great job from all the kids, and it'll be fun watching them continue to grow.

The adults however, a bit iffier, as I already stated, Jim Carrey is far too over the top in his portrayal of evil Count Olaf. To give you an image, imagine the Grinch on steroids…..that about covers it. Glenn Close plays overcautious Aunt Josephine to the hilt, and I loved her wackiness. Timothy Spall offers up a dull performance as Mr. Poe, the bank manager who is also the executor of the Baudelaire's will. Catherine O' Hara is a dull judge, living across from Olaf. Craig Ferguson, Jennifer Coolidge, and Jane Adams are all acting protégés of Olaf, and are all very boring.

All in all, "A Series of Unfortunate Events" is a very dark, brooding film, yet it's message is one of hope, and overcoming adversity. Good watch for all ages.

2 ½ out of 5

Yet it tends to fall into that 'dreamy, somewhat detached' character stereotype that a lot of independent films fall into. The United States of Leland is well written, however Leland's detached and overly idealistic thoughts tends to make the character less identifiable than it should be.

The plot line is this, Leland (Ryan Gosling), murders a young retarded boy (Michael Welch). At first, this horrific crime seems nothing more than a burst of senseless violence, but as we delve deeper into Leland's life, we discover that he may have had many motivations for doing what he did.

Cast is outstanding here, Kevin Spacey as Albert T. Fitzgerald, Leland's distant and famous father. Don Cheadle's Pearl Madison is Leland's prison teacher, who not only senses the opportunity to finally get his writing career off the ground, but sadly enters into a somewhat silly Starling/Lecter relationship with Leland.

Ann Magnuson and Martin Donovan play Mrs. And Mr. Pollard, the parents of not only the murdered boy, but the parents of troubled Becky (Jena Malone) and Julie (Michelle Williams). Mr. and Mrs. Pollard are nothing more than face characters, allowing the unlikely sister combo (not convincing at all….if they're sisters, I'm the head cheerleader). Also in the family is Julie's clingy boyfriend Allen Harris (Chris Klein). Allen sadly falls apart in the final reel, and really could have been done away with entirely.

Lena Olin, Sherilyn Fenn, Wesley Jonathan all chip in, and are decent enough, particularly Jonathan as a boy who manages to bring Leland out of his shell. Much better than the goofy character he shows in What I like about You.

The United States of Leland is a good film, yet it tends to steal a little too much from other concepts, tries to be a little too artsy for its own good, and yet it's a good watch and is well enough acted that they bring the film up a notch or two.

2 ½ out of 5

First came Night of the Living Dead, then Dawn of the Dead..Now the darkest day of horror the world has ever known... It was the darkest day for this legendary series... While boasting without a doubt the best FX in the series, Day lost out where the other two succeeded...Story and characters. Did anyone really care when any of the army men died? Or when Miguel got bitten? I didn't, and no one else did either....While Night and Dawn had just so-so effects (orange blood in Dawn?), the stories were great....

George, I know there has to be one more story to be told in this series....please find it and make it... Don't let the sun go down on this Day

You know what, at the time, I stood by this review. But, with the new feature the IMDb is offering, I can finally come back to this and say...I was wrong. "Day of the Dead" is a great film..it just took awhile to get what George was driving at. This film is a scathing look at how isolation and claustrophobia can cause people to snap under the weight of the developing situation. Brilliant look at human emotion under great strain. While not "Dawn of the Dead", "Day" succeeds on a deeper darker level. Good film after all, and more than well worth a watch.

3 out of 5

There are not words enough to control my fury right now. First, Gus Van Zant destroys 'Psycho' with his pathetic shot by shot remake, then Michael Bay and his troop of incompetent failures tred upon 'The Texas Chain Saw Massacre'. Now, now we have the writer of 'Scooby Doo', a commercial director who should have stayed in commercials, and a mostly forgettable cast raping the memory of yet another classic, perfect film, 'Dawn of the Dead'.

I am probably the biggest Romero fan boy there is, yet I tried desperately to like this movie, I wanted to like this movie. I wanted to know that it's new concept and thoughts were closer to Tom Savini's 1990 remake of 'Night of the Living Dead' than to the pathetic, non-sensical mess this thing was. It took Romero's classic, stripped it of all its merits and concepts, and reduced it to nothing more than a moronic gore fest geared towards a moronic audience, loaded it up with mindless (and in some cases, nameless) characters, threw in music to rip your eardrums out by, and then ripped off one of the few horror gems in the past 5 years ('The Blair Witch Project') for it's ignorant conclusion.

Plot line is that something unknown is causing the dead to return to life and attack the living. In the midst of this carnage, a small group of survivors gather and seek shelter in the closest local, the shopping mall. They include Michael (Jake Weber), Anna (Sarah Polley), Kenneth (Ving Rhames), Andre (Mekhi Phifer) and Luda (Inna Korobkina). After a run-in with mall security, they begin to settle in for what could be a long wait for help. After realizing it won't be coming, they begin to formulate a plan to get to safety.

Acting? Well…pathetic would be entirely too kind a word, but I'm not sure I need to plant that blame at the feet of the actors. The leads all do well with what they have, but the problem is that the story is so vapid that it would be hard to recite with a straight face. Most of the characters were throw away, and we didn't even learn their names. For example, the very attractive wavy-haired blonde was apparently named Monica, and she was literally nothing more than filler. It took more than too much time to give us Lindy Booth's character name (Nicole), and up till that point, she was nothing more than pretty redhead background filler. Not that she's all that great anyway, as anyone who's seen 'Wrong Turn' realizes she's nothing more to a film than a pretty face.

Characters were wooden and dull; there were only 3 worth caring about. Michael, Kenneth and Andy (Bruce Bohne), who owned the gun store across the street. Mall security guard CJ (Michael Kelly) redeems himself, and you eventually grow to like him, but the rest of the cast you don't care about, you wouldn't want to care about, and worst of all, you don't get time to care about.

The only good thing out of this movie was the fact that its success (and rapid understandable drop-off) enabled George A. Romero to make his upcoming 'Land of the Dead'.

Pathetic, brainless junk geared for a pathetic, brainless audience. Quit eating it up people, and Hollywood, get some original ideas. They're out there, I promise.

0 out of 5, and I wish I could give it less than that.

But it is a little better. The Americanized 'The Ring' was tempered down enough to make it more palatable for US audiences. 'The Grudge', I can only assume is the same way, yet by staying more true to its original roots (including keeping the director of the original), it packs a few genuine shocks into what is basically a weak and hole filled plot.

Plot line is fairly simple haunted house type stuff. A family lives in this house, father one night kills wife and child in a rage and according to Japanese legend, when a person dies in a sorrowful or rage filled condition, their energy stays behind. Flash forward three years, a young American couple, his mother and sister all move to Japan, and all step foot in the house. All three are subjected to the ravages of the curse. Enter a young Japanese health care worker, and she too falls victim to the evil within.

Then enters Sarah Michelle Gellar's character, a young transplanted American who fills in for the mysteriously missing Japanese worker (of course, we all know what happened to her) and becomes aware that something is wrong. During the course of the rest of the film we're treated to basically a flashback sequence that explains the story of the curse, how it ties in and how SMG's character fits in.

Director Takashi Shimizu has created a beautiful and wonderfully atmospheric film, the cold creepy look and feel offer much in its favor, but the weak story doesn't hold up to the many questions it leaves unanswered. Acting here is decent enough, not outstanding, but I can't really complain about anything either. Bill Pullman in particular is good as an American professor who figures quite prominently in the story.

Far too many unanswered questions dot this film, yet when you're sitting in a dark theater in the heat of the moment, 'The Grudge' packs enough creeps and shocks to make it worthwhile enough.

2 out of 5

But that's a bad thing. In society, there are certain lines you just don't cross. In some cases, ('South Park' comes to mind), barriers are crossed with humorous and usually well-intentioned results. 'Saw' has none of these though, and crosses some barriers with such a mean spirited savageness that I practically walked out.

Cary Elwes leads the cast as Dr. Lawrence Gordon. Brilliant oncologist, but less than stellar family man, Dr. Gordon awakes one morning to find himself chained to a pipe in a horrifically disgusting bathroom with a young man named Adam (film's co-writer Leigh Whannell). Between the two men is a dead body, and from there begins the twisted game of a killer the police call Jigsaw. Once Lawrence and Adam figure out what's going on, the killer's previous exploits are told in flashback (and poorly done). The always reliable Danny Glover plays Detective David Tapp, whose obsession with catching Jigsaw leads him to be removed from the force after a breakdown following his partner's death (Ken Leung) at Jigsaw's hands.

Monica Potter is good enough for what little screen time (not to mention dialogue) she gets as Alison Gordon (wife), Dina Meyer reappears briefly as Kerry, another officer investigating the crimes, and Makenzie Vega chips in as Diana, Lawrence's daughter.

OK…first off….an open note to all directors, especially those of you raised on that cultural void we call MTV. STOP THE JERKY CAMERA AND SPED UP FOOTAGE. Much like with 'Resident Evil: Apocalypse', the scenes of Jigsaw's victims are sped up and herky-jerky, making them practically unwatchable. This form of film-making was dead in 2000, quit beating this dead horse.

This film is probably the most repulsive, vile, repugnant piece of trash I have sat through in my 33 years. In fact, this movie is lower on the 'lowest common denominator' scale than 'House of 1000 Corpses' was. **POSSIBLE SPOILER** Using a stethoscope to examine a child's heartbeat while a gun is held to her mother's head is appealing only to those of us in the community who should probably be under observation anyway. **OVER** There are films that are brutal and a test to watch ('Texas Chainsaw', '28 Days Later', etc) but when you walk out of them you don't feel like you've just been violated.

Clearly director Wan and writer Whannell have a brilliant idea, with potential far eclipsing that of 'Seven', but instead allow (either by lack of writing skill or overabundance of depravity) themselves to basically do nothing more than test how much they can get away with just to see what that point will be.

An outstanding concept that quickly descends into a sick example of excess. You two should be ashamed.

0 out of 5 and I'm sorry for having plugged the potential of this movie the past few months.

Because THIS is how it's done. As the world's first ever romantic comedy with zombies, 'Shaun' excels in every facet of its story. Want a decent enough romantic comedy, it's here (although the comedy outweighs the romance). Want graphic moments of zombie carnage? They're here.

Plot line is simple enough, a down on his luck electronics salesman loses his girlfriend after blowing an important date, and after hearing the occasional snippet of news about a returning satellite, wakes up the next day to a zombie nightmare. He then snaps into action, going to rescue his mother (Barbara, played by Penelope Wilton) and Liz and takes them to the local pub. Coming along for the ride are Shaun's college roommate Ed (Nick Frost), who hasn't quite gotten out of the slacker mode, and Liz's roommates David and Dianne (Dylan Moran and Lucy Davis).

Great British humor lines practically every frame of the film, the romantic aspect is there, but never tries to overwhelm the film, and when the film kicks in with the zombie aspect in the last third, it packs quite a horror wallop.

Everything balances perfectly in the mix, and while the comedy does tend to be very prevalent, the references to its zombie (but don't say that word, Shaun doesn't like it) past is obvious. Many situations are closer to Romero's 'Night of the Living Dead' than the obvious 'Dawn of the Dead' reference in the title would have you think.

Acting is top notch from Simon Pegg on down to the zombie extras. Nothings forced, nothing comes off as silly or corny, this is a perfectly crafted film.

Best of all, this isn't even one of those homage type films where you have to look to catch the references, they just pop out at you in a groanless glory.

Best film of the year, hands down.

5 out of 5

Ohh boy…..Where do I start? A really great first half gives way to a stupid, nonsensical ending in the original 'Jeepers Creepers', and yet they felt it necessary to give us a sequel? There is nothing redeeming at all about 'Jeepers Creepers 2', other than some really good makeup on the Creeper himself.

Plot line? Stupid one, but it concerns a high school basketball team and its 3 cheerleaders heading home after winning the state championship game. The Creeper, on it's last day of feeding, targets them for chow.

Nicki Aycox, from my home state of Oklahoma, seems to be the lead, as Minxie, a cheerleader who learns from the brother from the first film what the creeper is, what its doing, and what their odds are.

Well, I'm bored just writing about this poor excuse for a movie. Homoerotic undertones collide with one boy's gay bashing comments, add to that a dull script, poor direction and it's far to easy to 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' this film…and I was doing that in the first 5 minutes!!

According to our IMDb's trivia section, the 23 days every 23rd spring was designed to prevent a sequel, yet for some reason Francis Ford Coppola found a loophole. Now, with the ending of this film, a sequel is left wide open. Let's pray they don't follow through.

½ out of 5

BREAKING NEWS: ELVIS AND JFK ARE ALIVE AND LIVING AT A TEXAS REST HOME. Of course, Elvis has a cancerous boil on his penis and JFK has been cleverly dyed as a black man, but they're both fully aware of what's going on around them and it's their mission to stop an evil Egyptian mummy.

At least, that's the plot of Don Coscarelli's magnificent `Bubba Ho-Tep'. Adapted from the short story by Joe R. Lansdale, `Bubba Ho-Tep' is a masterwork from the man who has made a career out of making low budget cult classics and having them firmly imbed themselves into the minds of filmgoers everywhere.

Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis are wonderful as Elvis and JFK; they do a spectacular job of carrying this somewhat goofy film and really sucking you in. Elvis has found himself in this one horse East Texas town after suffering an accident 20 years before and breaking his hip. JFK? Well, he's here after the assassination attempt and the attempt of the Lyndon Johnson administration to hide the truth. What better way to do that he says, than by dying him black and dumping him in the middle of nowhere.

This is really a film for everyone; Ella Joyce plays along gamely as the nurse, and what a great job she does. Oh we have our T&A as well, in the form of the very lovely Heidi Marnhout as the daughter of Elvis' deceased roommate. Coscarelli regular Reggie Bannister chimes in as well as the hospital administrator, who we believe may know more than he lets on.

When all is said and done however, this is Campbell and Davis's show, and what a show they give. You can tell they really enjoyed doing this film, as it shines brightly through their performances.

Makeup effects are the only area I can complain about the film, as Campbell tended on several occasions to look too much like himself, rather than the character he was playing. That's it though, as the makeup on Bubba Ho-Tep himself was brilliant.

Once again, Don Coscarelli takes good actors with solid performances, a `can-do' attitude with almost no budget, and a solid story and turns it into a film that amuses and entertains.

4 out of 5

Well, for starters there appears to be no coherent timeline. I find it very difficult to follow a film when I'm not even sure what is going on is occurring when it's occurring. Introducing characters in the final stages of the film?

Gus Van Zant's take on the Columbine massacre runs like a 5th grade play gone horribly awry. 'Elephant' is the biggest joke played on the movie going public since this overrated hack of a director brought us his vision of Alfred Hitchcock's classic 'Psycho'

Much of the acting was improvised, and it clearly shows. Characters are wooden, dull, lifeless and all appear to be in a perpetual state of boredom. No doubt an attempt to make the audience feel part of the film. How this pile of feces won any award short of the Imodium AD 'oozer of the day' is beyond me.

Much was made about the homosexual kiss between the two actors that turn out to be the killers. Big deal, if you pay attention (assuming you can stay awake that long) you clearly hear one comment that he's never kissed anyone. When you expect to die, you want to experience what you'll be missing out on.

SPOILERS NEXT

Once in the high school and the shooting starts, it's patently unbelievable. One kid is warned and then he promptly runs around the building, yet tells no one to call the police??? A human form, be it a teacher or student, walks around while they're waiting for their bomb to explode in the cafeteria, sees them, and just walk off as well. Students see a classmate shot and just calmly walk around the room?

One killer shoots the other? Obviously an attempt to reference the long disproved myth that Eric shot Dylan. I have the photos; the bodies have clearly been moved.

SPOILERS OVER

'Elephant' is so bad a movie as to expose the international movie clique as nothing more than mindless sheep that can be easily swayed into honoring garbage so as to not appear to have not 'gotten it'.

0 out of 5

No, not Tobe Hooper's 1974 masterpiece, this putrid little film offers nothing as far as a "reinvisioning", unless of course your idea of improvements are rampant profanity, drug use, buckets of blood and the moderatly tasteful but nonetheless blatant use of the rather curvaceous assets of Misses Jessica Biel and Erica Leerhsen.

This is a film made for those people who today think of a horror film as the latest cute actors/actresses, buckets of blood, soundtracks and the concept of suspense being a "scary noise". Acting is laughable it's so bad, with the exception of a wonderfully insane R. Lee Ermey.

Why is Hooper's film a legend and this one a joke? Well, for starters, it's scarier when we don't know why. The explanation of Thomas Hewitt's (Leatherface) reasoning behind the killing is straight out of the Columbine report (he was teased). Secondly, Marilyn Burns' mad hysterics in the classic is offset by the humorous attempt at it by Biel and Leerhsen. Biel makes so much noise while trying to hide that I was about to grab the saw and show Hewitt where she was.

There used to be 4 words against remakes of classics..they were "Gus Van Sant's Psycho". Now, (at least till I see the new Dawn) there are 5 "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003"

0 out of 5

"Cabin Fever" harkens back to the days of the mid 80's, when second rate, no talent directors were pumping out storyless, half-baked attempts at horror films, loading up on the gore quotient but boring their audiences so badly, the genre died a slow painful death till it was revived. "Cabin Fever" is SO bad it's almost unexplainable.

Plotline is a group of obnoxious college kids go off into the woods to relax in a cabin, and thanks to a bizarre turn of events end up infected with a flesh eating virus.

All these characters are so crudely written, irritatingly acted and just plain stupid you're praying everyone catches it sooner and ends this 92 minute waste of time. Other than Jordan Ladd's Karen, I sat there wishing they'd just hurry up and die so I could do something more constructive...like clipping my toenails for example.

Does Eli Roth really believe that packing a film with cute pop culture references ("Last House on the Left"'s theme song???),loading it with wacky back woods weirdos, and pouring on buckets of blood makes for a good movie? Eli, I hear McDonald's is hiring, might want to check it out.

"Cabin Fever" is not just bad, its horrendous. Viruses can make for an enormously interesting film ("28 Days Later" anyone?) but this amateurish student film shows how you need not only a good script and talented cast, but a qualified and talented director to pull it off.

0 out of 5

But that's the only thing I can say negative about this film. "Home Room" deals not with the event of school shootings themselves, rather what happens to those who survive such a horrific event. As we near the fifth anniversary of the horror that was Columbine High School, "Home Room" (already praised by Columbine students and staff) serves as a voice for those who have survived these events and never fully knew how to explain themselves.

Victor Garber is wonderful as Detective Van Zant, a man plagued with questions as to why, and struggling to find answers under pressure from his Captain, who's demanding arrests to appease the public.

Holland Taylor plays psychologist Dr. Hollander, and while not adding to the proceedings, never detracts either. Nicely underplayed, but her sequence was a bit hokey.

This movie belongs to the two lead actresses. Erika Christensen as pretty, perky, popular Deanna Cartright and Busy Phillips as gothy, possibly warned of the shooting Alicia Browning. These two young women carry the movie, highlighting the stunning differences in their characters, yet slowly and convincingly forming a bond. Alicia is clearly more disturbed than her heart of stone facade reveals, and while maintaining her sunny disposition, Deanna is "dying inside". Busy Phillips steals this movie, despite how strong Ms. Christensen's portrayal is.

Some of the explanations offered towards the end steal a bit of this movie's thunder, but Ms. Phillips manages to save it even in spite of itself. If you've seen her work on "Dawson's Creek", put that aside and drink in her acting masterpiece in this one. Most actors and actresses have one film they can point to and say "I did my best here", and this is Ms. Phillip's.

Ms. Christensen is no slouch however, and Deanna's descent into her nightmares and dealing with the terror she experienced that day haunt her even five months after. I have yet to see "Traffic", but if her acting is better there than here, I've clearly put it off too long. Brilliant job.

"Home Room" is a very honest, painful and emotional look at the survivors of unspeakable tragedy and how they must deal with the fact that ....they lived. They lived and others died. I must temper my rating by saying that, from a critical standpoint I stand by my rating, from an emotional standpoint, this film MUST be seen to be believed, and I eagerly encourage all of you to do just that.

4 out of 5

Actually reasonably enjoyable, but in a comic book, silly kinda way. This is by no stretch of the imagination a good movie in any sense, but you cant help but laugh yourself silly through most of it.

Plot line is this: A group of ravers travel to an island near Seattle, an island known as Isla del Morte (Island of the dead, and my Spanish spelling is likely incorrect). Once they arrive, they find the biggest rave of the year deserted. Why? they find out once they stumble upon survivors and are shown video footage of what happened.

This is really an elementary movie, poorly written by Mark Altman (who did one of my favorite films, "Free Enterprise") and equally poorly acted by the mainly unknown cast. Along with Jurgen Prochnow, Ellie Cornell ("Halloween" 4 & 5) and Clint Howard (Ron's brother) are the only names I recognized. I really don't expect much from Clint (and he certainly delivered in that area) but Ellie and Jurgen usually do a little better than they showed here.

Johnathan Cherry is really dull as Rudy, Tyron Leitso's Simon is an irritating little weasel, Ona Grauer's Alicia is really nice to look at, but not much else...so on and so forth.

Lots and lots of pop culture references, including a mention of George A. Romero and the possibility of a 4th "Dead" film. See this one if you're a Romero fan...please...its a zombie movie and if the industry thinks thats what we want, then we'll get George's final vision that much sooner.

This is just not a good movie, but if you're like me and enjoy giving the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" treatment to bad films, you should see this one.

1/2 out of 5